# Advice on finding family members. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 18, 2013, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894 "2013-07-18T23:54:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Schism](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/97f17d/32.png) [@Schism](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schism)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/1 "2013-07-18T23:54:44Z")
Here’s my overly personal story: Due to a lifestyle choice made in my early 20’s, (and other reasons) I lost contact with my family. Years turned to decades and now it has been close to 20 years since I have talked to my parents, brother and sister. I am now at a place in my life where I feel ready, almost compelled to try to contact them.'for the record, they would be overjoyed to hear from me. It’s not like they shunned me. I was just living in a way that my parents did not approve of. Any way, can anyone help me with search skills to helpe track them down? My Google skills suck at best. ---
**Author:** ![Schism](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/97f17d/32.png) [@Schism](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schism)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/2 "2013-07-19T00:00:35Z")
And I’m not sure about these pay to search databases. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/3 "2013-07-19T00:05:31Z")
I have had good luck finding people on Facebook. If they have a very common name or for whatever other reason, I can’t find them directly, I will often find them as friends of other people they know. If that doesn’t work, there are sites that will give you basic info on people without having to pay- [spokeo.com](http://spokeo.com) and [intelius.com](http://intelius.com) are a couple. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/4 "2013-07-19T00:07:26Z")
If you went to high school with your siblings there may be a website there that gives you an opportunity to contact them. I am assuming you checked that your parents don’t live where they used to when you were still in contact. ---
**Author:** ![Schism](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/97f17d/32.png) [@Schism](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schism)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/5 "2013-07-19T00:16:06Z")
Yeah my parents brother and I share the most common last name in America. I heard m sister got married but do not know her husbands last name. I do not have Facebook for " ethical" reasons and my siblings are all older than me so we were never in the same school at the same time. Can you check Facebook without being on it yourself? Everyone is on the East Coast now from what I understand. I’m still in California. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/6 "2013-07-19T00:27:24Z")
> [@Schism](#): > > Yeah my parents brother and I share the most common last name in America. I heard m sister got married but do not know her husbands last name. I do not have Facebook for " ethical" reasons and my siblings are all older than me so we were never in the same school at the same time. Can you check Facebook without being on it yourself? > > Everyone is on the East Coast now from what I understand. I’m still in California. I’m pretty sure you can’t search Facebook without having an account. ---
**Author:** ![Schism](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/97f17d/32.png) [@Schism](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schism)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/7 "2013-07-19T00:32:27Z")
Well, looks like I’m gonna break down and join the teeming millions then. ---
**Author:** ![OldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3bc359/32.png) [@OldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldGuy)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/8 "2013-07-19T00:35:56Z")
I presume you’ve thought of all these things, but Do yo know where any other relatives live? Cousins. etc. Do you know what school/college your siblings or parents went to? Send a letter to the alum office asking them to pass it along. Do recall any of the names of neighbors? Some of them may still be in the same houses. You might be able to search this on line. ---
**Author:** ![Schism](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/97f17d/32.png) [@Schism](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schism)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/9 "2013-07-19T00:40:13Z")
I never thought of that. My father would presumably still (hope) be drawing a pension from the the Diocese of California. Excellent idea sir. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Schism](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/97f17d/32.png) [@Schism](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schism)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/10 "2013-07-19T12:06:38Z")
Hah! Found my youngest sister. I guess facebook isn’t totally evil. ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/11 "2013-07-19T16:52:26Z")
> [@Schism](#): > > Hah! Found my youngest sister. I guess facebook isn’t totally evil. Of course not! Just 99%! Good match of user name with OP. You’ll have to change it if you do reconcile with your family though. So, how’s that going? Did little sis link you to the rest of the clan? If not, I’d think I’d chance one of the pay search sites. What is it? $75 for what will probably be crap, but might reunite you with your long, lost family? That seems like it’d be worth rolling the dice for. ---
**Author:** ![Schism](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/97f17d/32.png) [@Schism](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schism)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/12 "2013-07-19T18:32:45Z")
Messaged her my phone number and waiting for a call. The only thing is that there hasn’t been any new posts on her site (page?) since 2012. Hope she’s ok. She’s older than me…in her 50s, probably doesn’t go on there as often as the youngsters do. Still, it was great to see her picture. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/13 "2013-07-19T18:37:29Z")
Keep in mind that messages from people that are not your contacts end up in the ‘other’ message box, that a lot of people don’t even know exists. So she may not ever even know that message is there. You can pay $1 to have your message go to her regular message box, and that might be a better option. Did you send her a friend request? ---
**Author:** ![Schism](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/97f17d/32.png) [@Schism](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schism)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/14 "2013-07-19T23:57:21Z")
Found em all. My two sisters, my brother. Hell, even my old man is on Facebook! Wtf? Sent friend requests to them all. Have to admit I’m nervous as hell. Waiting, waiting. Thanks to Alice the Goon for clueing me in on the friend request tip. (I’m a social media moron… I admit it.) ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2013, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/15 "2013-07-20T00:07:04Z")
> [@Schism](#): > > Messaged her my phone number and waiting for a call. The only thing is that there hasn’t been any new posts on her site (page?) since 2012. Hope she’s ok. She’s older than me..in her 50s, probably doesn’t go on there as often as the youngsters do. Still, it was great to see her picture. I’ve gone months without checking my Facebook, and my notifications go to an email account I don’t check often at all either. Try not to get too discouraged if you don’t hear from anyone right away. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2013, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-finding-family-members/663894/16 "2013-07-20T01:59:00Z")
I hope this has a happy ending. Let us know.