# Advice on Getting a Second Cat **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 6, 2023, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681 "2023-05-06T22:15:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![liirogue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dbc845/32.png) [@liirogue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/liirogue)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2023, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/101 "2023-07-11T23:22:58Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Amusing update. So… That’s what we thought. But when the shelter asked us to bring in two to be neutered, and the white one was sent back because it was a girl. So that kitten went to be spayed last week, and came back with a note that we were right, it was male after all. It was a vet who sexed the kitten both times. I look forward to hearing what you’re told this week! 😉 > [@bobsmom101](#): > > It took a little over 2 years but everyone seems to have declared a mutual truce. There is occasional trash-talking, but nothing physical. They all eat together and share the litter boxes. So hang in there, take it slow, and fingers crossed they will learn to coexist. 5he situation here was so bad at first I was afraid he would kill the other cats. I admire your fortitude, but that is not a situation I am willing to go through. I can’t let my first two cats, who have loved playing and being around each other, continue to hide for hours under the furniture waiting for the third cat to be locked away. > [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Separating them while you’re not home is a good idea for now. Separating them does not seem to be helping/having mixed results. Last night she attacked after only 20 minutes. I tried leaving her out in the house while I was at work today with the boys in the spare bedroom and it’s gone better, but I will catch her checking to make sure I’m not watching before going after one of the boys. So I’ve scheduled a vet appointment for tomorrow. I want to make sure there’s nothing going on that could cause the change in behavior, and hopefully get some more advice. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/102 "2023-07-12T01:44:20Z")
The vet appointment’s a good idea. It is possible you’ve just got a combination that won’t work. That’s rare IME, but not unheard of. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/103 "2023-07-12T02:17:19Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > the white one was sent back because it was a girl. So that kitten went to be spayed last week, and came back with a note that we were right, it was male after all. It was a vet who sexed the kitten both times. I hope this isn’t a hijack, but maybe somebody can explain something to me. My baby kitty, Ricky (he’s about a year and 4 months), has the genitalia of a Disney character- it’s just fluff down there. The shelter where I got him said he was a boy, and they had him fixed, but I don’t see _anything_, and I’m a little unsure that I want to Google “cat penis”. Do they retract or something? ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/104 "2023-07-12T03:07:12Z")
It does not retract, but it is covered by a sort of prepuce—it isn’t just flopping around. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/105 "2023-07-12T04:15:35Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > Do they retract or something? Basically, yes; they’re generally covered unless in use. Though I did know one cat who put his out in order to wash it. An intact adult tom will generally have clearly visible testicles; but with neutered cats there’s often nothing visible. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/106 "2023-07-12T04:21:15Z")
Yeah, just a furry area that the penis retracts into. I’ve never seen the penis of a neutered male. (I have seen intact males with an external penis, i suppose that’s what happened when it’s erect.) ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/107 "2023-07-12T04:24:06Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > I’ve never seen the penis of a neutered male. I have; our old cat was neutered, though when he was already an adult, and he loved to get jiggy with anything that was soft and fuzzy (blankets, my wife’s sweaters, etc.) This usually resulted in him having a visible boy-part for several moments after he finished pitching woo to the blanket. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/108 "2023-07-12T04:28:47Z")
The cat I knew who routinely put his penis out to wash it was a neutered tom, and neutered fairly young. I don’t think he was aroused, just washing; I might have been wrong, but he didn’t act any different from when he was washing a paw or his tail. But I’ve never seen another cat do that; and I’ve known quite a few cats. I think it comes under the header of ‘Every cat must do something that cats don’t usually do.’ ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/109 "2023-07-12T04:36:14Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > I think it comes under the header of ‘Every cat must do something that cats don’t usually do.’ Indeed; that same cat also loved to play fetch with me. I’d throw a toy, he’d tear off across the room, grab it, and bring it right back to me, eager for me to throw it again. He was kind of a dog in a cat suit. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/110 "2023-07-12T04:41:31Z")
I used to have a cat who liked to play fetch. I’d toss a little ball of aluminum foil towards him, and he’d madly dash after it, then bring it to me to throw again. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/111 "2023-07-12T04:47:51Z")
Our guy loved these little rainbow-colored foam balls. We probably had two dozen of them, because his _other_ favorite game was batting them around on the floor until they got stuck underneath furniture. > **[SMARTCAT Toy Box Balls, Color Varies, 3 Pack - Chewy.com](https://www.chewy.com/smartcat-toy-box-balls-color-varies/dp/49184)** > > Buy SmartCat Toy Box Balls, Color Varies, 3 Pack at Chewy.com. FREE shipping and the BEST customer service! ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/112 "2023-07-12T21:49:16Z")
I’ve also had male cats who were neutered well before sexual maturity and whose penises could be seen during and sometimes for a little while after they groomed themselves. I just assumed it was like an uncircumcised male human pulling back his foreskin to wash. As for fetching, my daughter’s orange tabby loves to play fetch, and we’ve had a few others who enjoyed it, to a lesser extent. We currently have a tortoiseshell who will bring us items, usually toys but sometimes socks or small pillows. She usually drops them a few feet away from us and then stares meaningfully at us, but we’ve learned that she is decidedly not inviting a game of fetch. If you pick it up and toss it, she looks mortally offended and stalks away. We’ve learned to simply acknowledge the gift and praise her to the skies for bringing it. Her favorite item is a sheepskin car-washing glove that she pulled out of a bucket on a shelf above the washing machine some time ago. Cats is weird. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/113 "2023-07-12T22:36:51Z")
> [@InternetLegend](#): > > We currently have a tortoiseshell who will bring us items, usually toys but sometimes socks or small pillows. She usually drops them a few feet away from us and then stares meaningfully at us, but we’ve learned that she is decidedly not inviting a game of fetch. If you pick it up and toss it, she looks mortally offended and stalks away. We’ve learned to simply acknowledge the gift and praise her to the skies for bringing it. Maybe she’s bringing you things as a gift or to show off to you, and when you toss them she thinks you’re saying ‘This is only worth throwing away!’ – which would indeed be an impolite response to either a gift of to ‘look at my lovely toy!’ My sister had a cat who played fetch; she had to teach them that she wanted to. If there were multiple people in the room when she wanted a game, she’d bring the fetch item to each one in turn, instead of back to whoever’d just tossed it. Everybody was supposed to join in the game. ---
**Author:** ![liirogue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dbc845/32.png) [@liirogue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/liirogue)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2023, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/114 "2023-07-13T20:30:12Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > The vet appointment’s a good idea. > > It is possible you’ve just got a combination that won’t work. That’s rare IME, but not unheard of. After a long discussion with my vet yesterday (who is familiar with both of the boys and examined Juno) I have made the difficult decision to return her to the rescue. The more we talked about everyone’s behaviors the less and less optimistic she became. At the end she said that she would help how she could, including anti-anxiety meds for the cats, but that she saw slim chances of it working out and that if she were in my shoes she would return Juno. So while it was a terrible decision to make and I’ve cried way more than I should, I ultimately feel like it was the best for all involved. The lady at the rescue was phenomenal and promised to update me on Juno, and that I could text any time to check up on her. She offered to refund my adoption fee and I told her I would rather sponsor her for a free adoption to try to get her into a good home as soon as possible. The rescue is not going to advertise her as free (to keep away potential bad actors) but they will tell interested adopters that reach out about her. She also had me send some photographs I’ve taken so that she has good photos to put up. Also, I love that a thread I originally created to get advice on how to introduce a new cat has evolved into a discussion of cat penises 🤣 ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2023, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/115 "2023-07-13T21:35:14Z")
That’s a hard decision but I think it was probably the right one. Juno might be happy living with other female cats, or maybe she wants to be the only cat in the house; or maybe for some reason she just took a vehement dislike to those particular kittens she was being asked to share with. But it sounds as if the rescue will do their best to find her a home that she’ll fit well in, and will take care of her well in the meantime. And it does seem as if the situation was getting worse instead of better; which was not a good sign. Furious hissing and growling at first introduction often settles down in a few days and turns into friendship within a few weeks. But this was going in the other direction. It might still have worked out if the other cats had had different temperaments and had stood up to her differently – but that’s kind of a way of saying that, if there had been three different cats, they might well have all gotten along. These three specific cats, maybe not. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2023, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/116 "2023-07-13T21:48:20Z")
> [@liirogue](#): > > I love that a thread I originally created to get advice on how to introduce a new cat has evolved into a discussion of cat penises 🤣 That’s my fault. I do apologize. Reading this thread reminds me how lucky I am with my two. Since they are Mama and son, it only took one day before they acclimated together (they had been living in different rooms at the pound, and I got her a week before I got him). On day one, she hissed at him, and smacked him once or twice. But she’s also gave some really deep whiffs of his butt, and by the second day they were grooming each other. They have been great together ever since. I had no idea that cats could be so fickle! ---
**Author:** ![liirogue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dbc845/32.png) [@liirogue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/liirogue)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2023, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/117 "2023-07-13T22:17:34Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > I do apologize. Please don’t, I started cackling as I was reading through the thread lol ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2023, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/118 "2023-07-14T14:03:11Z")
Our cat ran away again, and was retrieved with a little less drama. It helped that the police filled a report, and the woman who runs the shelter saw it and looped us in quickly. She’s also trying to register the chip to us, but is not working. The cat is now wearing a collar with her name and our address and phone number. Also, or construction project is nearly done, so she’ll have fewer opportunities to get out. I also bought her a harness. Maybe it’s not the kittens, maybe she wants to explore? Haven’t tried it, yet. She still hisses a little when the kittens approach her, but it’s a “go away” hiss, not an “i want to kill you” hiss. I think they’ll be okay. They do have a bad habit of running into “her” room (aka my husband’s office) when they burst out of the room we are fostering in. But i think they’ll find there are other nice places in the house for them to claim. And neutral areas, like the kitchen, where i hope they can all interact peaceably. I’m probably going to adopt two this weekend, and my friend the other two. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2023, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/119 "2023-07-14T16:34:16Z")
Can you make her a catio? – I also think it’ll work out OK with the kittens. As you’re keeping two, they can exercise each other and tire each other out. – They may be running into “her” room because they want to make friends with her; ‘maybe this time she won’t chase us off!’ If so, I think they’ll probably eventually succeed. – ETA: though trying to keep them out of her space until that’s happened is probably a good idea; though if they run off when hissed at she can probably take care of that herself. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2023, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681/120 "2023-07-14T17:40:10Z")
No, there’s no way to make a catio. (Nor a porch.) When the weather is nice, i can open a window leaving a nice space on my desk for a cat to hear and smell the outdoors, but that’s about it. And yes, i think the kittens are going into her room because she’s there, and that’s interesting. I’m hoping she’s not just quietly miserable, and that’s why she’s getting out. She still seems pretty mellow, and while the cats don’t seem to like each other, they are all acting polite. I consider a little hissing to be polite in a cat. 😉 I think it’s going to be fine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-getting-a-second-cat/983681.md?page=7)