# Advice on helping my bf **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 2, 2022, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-helping-my-bf/972587 "2022-10-02T18:44:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2022, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-helping-my-bf/972587/61 "2022-10-10T02:25:35Z")
Do you think I should buy him food? Should women financially support a man, take care of him healthwise and have him accept that as his due? What happened to men courting women? ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2022, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-helping-my-bf/972587/62 "2022-10-10T04:07:24Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > Should women financially support a man, take care of him healthwise and have him accept that as his due? What happened to men courting women? Same thing that happened to men having the right to control women’s behavior. Namely, while many (often well-intentioned) people continue to cling to it as their ideal of how society should work, real-life society is gradually abandoning it in favor of partnerships between equals designed in accordance with their individual preferences. Which means that if an individual heterosexual couple voluntarily and jointly decides that it will work best for both of them if the woman financially supports the man and takes care of him healthwise—or vice versa—then that’s more important than traditional stereotypes of gender roles such as “men courting women”. Obviously, in your own individual situation, it is not a good idea or a voluntary choice for you to undertake to support this man financially. That’s all the reason you need to decline to do it. You don’t have to appeal to sexist traditions of male predominance in “courtship” to back up your choice. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2022, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-helping-my-bf/972587/63 "2022-10-10T05:40:26Z")
True. I do know a couple where the woman works and the man tends the house. They decided that. Some men like to live off a woman (use her), when the woman does not want that. I was pointing out the lopsidedness of me doing and doing for him. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Tan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/charlie_tan/32/12582_2.png) [@Charlie\_Tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Tan)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2022, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-helping-my-bf/972587/64 "2022-10-10T09:42:22Z")
🎶 _Stand by your man_ 🎶 ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2022, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-helping-my-bf/972587/65 "2022-10-10T10:21:15Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > the lopsidedness of me doing and doing for him There’s your answer, within your own words. You do so much for him, but what does he do for you? ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2022, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-helping-my-bf/972587/66 "2022-10-10T11:50:40Z")
Nothing now. Last Nov he bought me a winter coat and shoes, for the help I was giving. He kept saying he was going to get me a loveseat, as I don’t have a couch. During that time, he bought his friends son a chair, and spent 100 on a tv series. The loveseat was 135, same as what he spent. Then he said he didn’t have the money to buy it cause he loaned his dad 1,000, and he paid it back little by little. Even now, I am an emotional support animal, he calls and complains he hates it there. He gets around, hes fed, he has a place to sleep, he has tv. Some people don’t. I get no emotional support from him. I guess it took this thread to get my perspective right. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2022, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-helping-my-bf/972587/67 "2022-10-10T15:06:44Z")
I think Pam Tillis sang about this in “Cleopatra, Queen of Denial.” ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2022, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-helping-my-bf/972587/68 "2022-10-10T15:40:58Z")
When you are with someone almost every day, you get attached. I have learned to not go by my emotions anymore. They’re unreliable. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2022, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-helping-my-bf/972587/69 "2022-10-10T15:55:35Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > I guess it took this thread to get my perspective right. In my experience, if you have to ask if a relationship is worthwhile, it isn’t. Good healthy relationships do have ups and downs, and things to deal with, but once you get to the point of questioning whether it should continue, it shouldn’t. It is often difficult to walk away, but almost always the right decision. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2022, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-helping-my-bf/972587/70 "2022-10-10T17:40:57Z")
There were way too many red flags [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-helping-my-bf/972587.md?page=3)