# Advice on how to deal with long-lost friend who has transitioned **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 11, 2025, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-how-to-deal-with-long-lost-friend-who-has-transitioned/1016915 "2025-04-11T16:58:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2025, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-how-to-deal-with-long-lost-friend-who-has-transitioned/1016915/21 "2025-04-12T13:52:16Z")
> [@BippityBoppityBoo](#): > > I’d start with losing the “scare quotes” around _transitioned_ (in the title). Yeah, seeing the scare quotes in the thread title gave me pause about what the possible intent of the OP was. ---
**Author:** ![velomont](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/8491ac/32.png) [@velomont](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velomont)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2025, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-how-to-deal-with-long-lost-friend-who-has-transitioned/1016915/22 "2025-04-12T14:01:40Z")
@Ponderoid and @BippityBoppityBoo, my use of the quotes may be incorrect (and I have an English degree - obviously expired 😄). I was using them to reflect the specificity of the type of transition for brevity in the thread title. I didn’t intend any negativity. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2025, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-how-to-deal-with-long-lost-friend-who-has-transitioned/1016915/23 "2025-04-12T14:02:51Z")
> [@BippityBoppityBoo](#): > > I’d start with losing the “scare quotes” around _transitioned_ (in the title). Good point. I’ve just edited the title. ---
**Author:** ![velomont](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/8491ac/32.png) [@velomont](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velomont)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2025, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-how-to-deal-with-long-lost-friend-who-has-transitioned/1016915/24 "2025-04-12T14:03:57Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Good point. I’ve just edited the title. Thank you ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2025, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-how-to-deal-with-long-lost-friend-who-has-transitioned/1016915/25 "2025-04-12T14:16:32Z")
> [@velomont](#): > > @Ponderoid and @BippityBoppityBoo, my use of the quotes may be incorrect (and I have an English degree - obviously expired 😄). I was using them to reflect the specificity of the type of transition for brevity in the thread title. I didn’t intend any negativity. An example from real life for a change- I wokr in a virtual call center. Occasionally, I will misgender a caller. When I accidentally call a cis man ma’am, they get extremely angry, When I accidentally misgender a caller with an androgynous voice (often a trans person), I apoogize. They say it is no big deal. We move on with the call. The same is true here.You started this thread because you want to do the right thing and avoid causing social awkwardnes or harm. If you make a mistake now and then, it is no big deal and we can move on. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2025, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-how-to-deal-with-long-lost-friend-who-has-transitioned/1016915/26 "2025-04-12T14:20:36Z")
> [@mjmartin](#): > > You’re tracking down someone that you were friends with for a year for so in high school, that you ghosted and haven’t spoken with in several decades? Is this something that people do? On social media, yes, people do this all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2025, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-how-to-deal-with-long-lost-friend-who-has-transitioned/1016915/27 "2025-04-12T14:40:48Z")
At work, we had a company meeting where all the non-binaries/trans/etc. said it’s okay to ask out front, “How do you prefer to be addressed?” ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2025, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-how-to-deal-with-long-lost-friend-who-has-transitioned/1016915/28 "2025-04-12T17:06:38Z")
I think it’s ok to ask for anyone, right? If your email reads David but you’d rather be called Dave, you can either tell me, or I can ask, and you end up being addressed as you prefer. I regularly ask people their preference. What surprises me is how often cis people are surprised that I even ask, but they do seem rather pleased when I do. I mean, it’s their identity, if I’m meeting them for the first time, their name could be anything at all, who am I to insist otherwise? I think it’s rude to assume Alexander goes by Alex or Jennifer wants to be called Jenny. Naturally this extends to trans people. I’ll call you whatever you want, it’s all good. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2025, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-how-to-deal-with-long-lost-friend-who-has-transitioned/1016915/29 "2025-04-12T18:00:08Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > “Hi, I remember how kind you were when I was new in school. I’d love to get together some evening to catch up. Are you free this Friday?” Sounds like a high school reunion/date. I would advise clarity either way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-how-to-deal-with-long-lost-friend-who-has-transitioned/1016915.md?page=1)