# Advice on parenting a formerly battered child **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 29, 2009, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983 "2009-09-29T15:37:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2011, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/41 "2011-01-24T17:15:52Z")
I think that’s the natural aging process. I just experimentally thought of eating Spaghetti-O’s and believe it kept me from eating a snack right this very minute. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2011, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/42 "2011-01-24T21:23:28Z")
Thanks for the update, **Ninety**! Glad to hear she’s doing OK in school. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/43 "2011-05-24T03:07:07Z")
Update - tonight was my niece’s graduation. She ended up in the top 20% of a class of 160. I thought that was pretty good, for what she’s been through. Like I posted in January, she’s headed for college in the fall, going to live on-campus, has gotten a financial aid package from the school which covers almost all of her tuition, room & board. Here is the [happy graduate.](http://s70.photobucket.com/albums/i84/NinetyWt/?action=view¤t=e25b6ac7.jpg)😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/44 "2011-05-24T05:04:15Z")
Congratulations to your niece! ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/45 "2011-05-24T05:33:08Z")
removed- older thread - issues already adressed. ---
**Author:** ![shantih](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@shantih](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shantih)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/46 "2011-05-24T11:08:13Z")
Hey, that’s terrific! Good for her, and good for you!! ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/47 "2011-05-24T11:16:55Z")
Hooray! Sounds like wonderful progress, and congrats to her. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/48 "2011-05-24T11:35:05Z")
That’s marvelous! Put one in the win column! ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/49 "2011-05-24T13:39:08Z")
Fan-freakin’-tastic! Hooray for you and your amazing niece! ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/50 "2011-05-24T14:11:27Z")
Cute kid. Good onya **NinetyWt** for being such an amazing aunt and giving this young lady the support and help she needed. Good onya \*\*NinetyWtNiece \*\*for persevering and working through everything - what a great success! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/51 "2011-05-24T14:18:41Z")
Congratulations to the happy graduate and her proud aunt! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/52 "2011-05-24T14:35:22Z")
I would recommend giving her a list of what she can’t do and what the consequences will be if she does said actions. And follow through when she does. Battered children grow up with total inconsistancy in that department. One day your screaming is totally ignored, the next you’re being bashed for “talking too loud.” Add to the list as necessary. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/53 "2011-05-24T15:40:11Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I would recommend giving her a list of what she can’t do and what the consequences will be if she does said actions. And follow through when she does. > > Battered children grow up with total inconsistancy in that department. One day your screaming is totally ignored, the next you’re being bashed for “talking too loud.” Add to the list as necessary. I would recommend reading the whole thread. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/54 "2011-05-24T17:03:36Z")
Yay! 🙂 I missed this thread the first time around, and I just want to say ‘Good on ya!’ Thank you for what you are doing. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/55 "2011-05-24T17:17:22Z")
Congrats! I hadn’t read this thread the first time around, so it was nice to be able to read the happy ending shortly after the OP. Anyway, if anyone else is going through something like this, it may be helpful to talk to a family lawyer early on. I doubt you’d be able to completely sever parental rights without the parents’ consent, but maybe there’s a way to document the abuse or somehow further solidify the guardianship so that you would have a better case if the parents decided they wanted her back. Of course, in the OP’s situation, none of that was probably necessary given her age, but for a younger kid it may be more important. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/56 "2011-05-24T17:31:07Z")
Thanks for the compliments everyone, but really she did all the heavy lifting here. 🙂 **Rand** , I totally agree. Because of her age she was able to join in the petition for guardianship. A younger child’s opinion might not carry as much weight with the judge. We had a super attorney who got things fixed up very swiftly, I can’t say enough good things about him. It was money well spent. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/57 "2011-05-24T20:16:09Z")
I can’t call threadwinner on **NinetyWt** , so I’ll just call BOARDWINNER!!! Conga-rats to the both of you. ---
**Author:** ![nikonikosuru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@nikonikosuru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikonikosuru)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/58 "2011-05-24T20:53:36Z")
Yay! She is right, she _is_ cute! She looks so happy in that picture. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/59 "2011-05-25T02:11:58Z")
> [@nikonikosuru](#): > > Yay! She is right, she _is_ cute! She looks so happy in that picture. 🙂 She’s thrilled to have her hair back. The stepmonster had chopped it all off; when she came to us it looked like the kind of haircut you’d give a 6-year-old boy. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2011, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983/60 "2011-05-31T12:15:05Z")
**NinetyWt** , you might think your niece did al the heavy lifting, but don’t underestimate what you and your family did for her. Reading your update made my day. If your niece doesn’t get all embarassed about a bunch of strangers on the Internet congratulating her, add mine to to the chorus. Truly well done, all of you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-parenting-a-formerly-battered-child/511983.md?page=4)