# Advice on Proposing **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 3, 2006, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124 "2006-04-03T19:29:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/21 "2006-04-04T00:07:46Z")
> [@tomndebb](#): > > I proposed to Deb on her birthday. (I figured it made a nice birthday present.) That’s what I’m sayin’! Your proposal and / or ring shouldn’t be looked upon _as a gift to her_ Only my opinion, or course, and I’m sure she is tres lucky and happy to be with you, 🙂 **tomndebb** ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/22 "2006-04-04T00:44:11Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > That’s what I’m sayin’! Your proposal and / or ring shouldn’t be looked upon > _as a gift to her_ Getting married is not a gift. Experiencing that moment of surprise and joy that one has been asked (even if the question and answer are foregone conclusions) may be a gift. The ring is a pledge; remembering old conversations and arranging to have a specific description turned into a tangible reality is a gift. YMMV, obviously and this is not an issue over which either of us want to fight, but I figured you ought to see the rationale behind my choice of words. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/23 "2006-04-04T00:56:16Z")
> [@tomndebb](#): > > Getting married is not a gift. Experiencing that moment of surprise and joy that one has been asked (even if the question and answer are foregone conclusions) may be a gift. > > The ring is a pledge; remembering old conversations and arranging to have a specific description turned into a tangible reality is a gift. > > YMMV, obviously and this is not an issue over which either of us want to fight, but I figured you ought to see the rationale behind my choice of words. So, ya got any single friends in the Southeast? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/24 "2006-04-04T13:26:16Z")
Well, did you propose? Did she say yes? Details, man! Don’t keep us in suspense! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/25 "2006-04-04T14:07:03Z")
Damn this suspense! I tell ya, I’ve chewed my fingernails up to the knuckles… ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/26 "2006-04-04T14:08:07Z")
Details man! We need details! ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/27 "2006-04-04T14:23:32Z")
If you forget her birthday or this anniversity, _you_ won’t be forgoten, so this will help you remember both! ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/28 "2006-04-04T14:45:55Z")
> [@Maureen](#): > > Absolutely on her birthday. Take **Kalhoun’s** suggestion and propose at the end of a perfect evening. In front of LOTS of people. [Thousands](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=4884908&postcount=40), if you can manage it. 😉 ::sniff:: Awwwww! I missed that the first time around. But I really am crying here, all this time later. I am such a sap. Add me to the list of those waiting for details from the OP! Did it happen? Did it not? Is not being back to report in a good sign or bad? ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/29 "2006-04-04T15:13:18Z")
My friend’s now-husband proposed to her at the the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve/Day, and her birthday is New Year’s Day. Not quite on the birthday, but easy to remember (the cat ran over with the ring on its collar). ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/30 "2006-04-04T15:27:59Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > (the cat ran over with the ring on its collar). More impressive is the fact that anybody got a cat to do that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/31 "2006-04-04T16:24:32Z")
So we went to dinner last night at the Chateau Marmont, which is a old Hollywwod hotel and restaurant that is quite weel known and fairly swank. I brought her flowers when I picked her up, half a dozen roses, three red and three pink. She thought those were just for her birthday, though. We got to the restaurnat and we got lucky, they seated us at this perfect table out in the garden area. It was a beautiful, evening. It had rained a bit earlier, so everyhting seemed kind of fresh and clean. We ordered omse champagne and toasted her birthday. Then the soup and salad, then the main course. Then the waiter took the dishes away. There actually weren’t too many people around outside. I had managed to get the ring box from my jacket into my lap without her seeing it. And then I started to tell her how much I loved her and how I wanted us to be together forever. She was saying, “Oh, stop it!” because I had fooled her (not on purpose) a few times. I said, “I love you and I want you to be my wife” I produced the ring box and opened it (no getting on my knee, I know her and that is not the way she would have preferred it) and set it down in front of her. At first her reaction was stunned silence, she really was not expecting it. Then she started crying and said, “Oh my God, this is all I ever wanted, I love you!” She took the ring box and tried to take the ring out, but she was too flustered, so I took it out. I wanted to put it on her finger myself, but she grabbed it and put it on. That was actually kind of funny. She LOVED the ring. We kissed and she asked through her tears, “Oh, how’s my makeup…” Heh. The waiter came by and congratulated us and gave us desert and some wine and champagne (he got a pretty good tip). She called her sister, I called my parents. Everyone was happy. She said it was the best night of her life and I was smiling all the way home. Then the idea of planning and paying for a wedding hit me and I barely slept a wink. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/32 "2006-04-04T16:26:44Z")
Congratulations! Was the time between you asking and her saying yes the longest 3 seconds of your life? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/33 "2006-04-04T16:30:47Z")
What a nice story. I’m really happy for you both. Now, what’s that expression… oh yeah… _SnugglesSoft!_ ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/34 "2006-04-04T16:32:45Z")
Congratulations! I’m as big a sap as **WhyNot** , I got a little teary-eyed. Best wishes to both of you–and we’ll all look forward to hearing about the trials and tribulations of wedding planning. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/35 "2006-04-04T16:49:38Z")
Hurray for **Gangster Octupus**! I wish you many happy years together. Damn, where are my tissues. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/36 "2006-04-04T16:51:11Z")
GREAT! Huge congratulations! Any chance you guys could elope or have a family/close friends only wedding and put the money towards, oh, a house or something? You’d save a lot of aggrevation and time, too! (sorry, guy talking here - a wedding should be celebrated however the bride-to-be wants it - it is her day. But man, the money and the hassle…) ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/37 "2006-04-04T17:04:41Z")
Yay! **WOOKINPANUB** , here’s a tissue. No wait, I need one. OK, here you go. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/38 "2006-04-04T17:09:31Z")
> [@Gangster Octopus](#): > > . > > Then the idea of planning and paying for a wedding hit me and I barely slept a wink. Wonderful story. But you do know that _her_ family pays for the wedding, right? You spring for the Groomsmans gifts and maybe their Tux rentals, and that’s about it. You dad is supposed to help pay for the Honeymoon and spring for the the Rehersal dinner (if any). ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/39 "2006-04-04T17:36:46Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Wonderful story. But you do know that _her_ family pays for the wedding, right? You spring for the Groomsmans gifts and maybe their Tux rentals, and that’s about it. You dad is supposed to help pay for the Honeymoon and spring for the the Rehersal dinner (if any). Yes, and the Easter Bunny is supposed to bring us colored eggs on Easter. 😃 Thanks everyone! ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124/40 "2006-04-04T17:40:46Z")
_wipes away a tear_ Good show, mate. Good show. 😉 _hugs_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-proposing/351124.md?page=3)