# Advice requested on a potential ethical dilemna **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 8, 2009, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-requested-on-a-potential-ethical-dilemna/520461 "2009-12-08T16:05:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-requested-on-a-potential-ethical-dilemna/520461/21 "2009-12-08T21:13:49Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > In theory, this makes a lot of sense, but in my personal situation, I just don’t feel it. If she’d been willing to give our long relationship that kind of respect in the end, we might be friends today. But she didn’t, and I just don’t feel that consideration for what once was. Perhaps someday, I’ll feel differently.\ I can totally understand that, too. What you might be overlooking in your recent hurt is that it reflects on _you_ too, when you slag a serious long-term relationship. I’m trying to say that it’s sort of like forgiveness; you don’t forgive for the other person, you forgive for yourself and your peace of mind. In this case, you maybe don’t talk too badly about your ex because it makes you look bad. Maybe at this point, when the wounds are still pretty fresh, you just grit your teeth and use **Dangerosa’s** , “She decided to see other people.” Most people with anything on the ball will read all the subtext there. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-requested-on-a-potential-ethical-dilemna/520461/22 "2009-12-08T22:46:27Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > **Dangerosa** , I like the tactic. It’s still the truth, but it leaves out the overt vitriol. Which is fair in this case because, oddly enough, the fact that she wanted to be with other people is NOT where my anger comes from. So that could work. If your anger is anything like mine was, you can start with “seeing other people” and move straight into the “we never had Mexican, he didn’t like Mexican” with a side helping of “his mother never liked me” “he didn’t pick up after himself” and a large serving of “the whole thing was handled badly” for dessert. Its like a twelve course meal of vitriol - and while there are people who will definitely enjoy your train wreck - and venting can do you some good - its probably best to save the entire rant for those who aren’t going to spread it. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-requested-on-a-potential-ethical-dilemna/520461/23 "2009-12-08T23:47:40Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > The only issue I take with this is that my wife’s story is dramatically different than my own, and the idea that a friend of mine hears _only_ her side is not particularly appetizing. There’s an old George Strait song – “Every time you throw dirt on her, you lose a little ground.” It ain’t Chekhov, but it’s true nonetheless. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-requested-on-a-potential-ethical-dilemna/520461/24 "2009-12-09T10:14:45Z")
I’d really like to hear the other side in this particular little drama… ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-requested-on-a-potential-ethical-dilemna/520461/25 "2009-12-09T13:58:00Z")
Who are you protecting? Yourself. I went through not just one, but two divorces within 5 years (yeah, I’m winner). My first one I was an absolute basket case both at home and at work. He left me after he got skinny and met girls online. I was betrayed and angry and hurt to the core - and I told anyone that would listen. You know what I became? The crying girl. Or the sad girl, or the girl that got left, or any variation of that. I still think that if I had had just a little more strength or class I would have kept the details to myself because now I am way past it and I will see many of these people again in the next couple of weeks (holiday parties) and I wonder sometimes if they still see me as the broken, angry girl they saw 7 years ago. Don’t be that guy. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-requested-on-a-potential-ethical-dilemna/520461/26 "2009-12-09T14:03:45Z")
Until the divorce is final, keep it clean. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-requested-on-a-potential-ethical-dilemna/520461.md?page=1)