# advice sought. Suspect Brother-in-Law a child molester/ into child porn **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 15, 2006, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750 "2006-06-15T00:35:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/201 "2006-06-17T02:24:55Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > As a preface, I have no comment or opinion as to whether or not kurahee is a troll or a sock, I haven’t really interacted with him, and don’t care either way… > > Frank, what was with that threat to ban? If kurahee’s a troll/sock, you can and should ban him without comment. If he’s not a troll/sock, you can’t ban him, so it’s an empty threat. That’s weak, man. And the accusation of trollery in IMHO was a bullshit play. I don’t give a crap if you are a mod, you shouldn’t be making those sorts of accusations outside of the pit. If he is technically a member/guest in good standing, then the official position of the staff should reflect that. > > It’s also pretty sad that you are trying to “moderate” a situation that you’re in the middle of. You just make it look like we shouldn’t get down and dirty with a mod, just in case they feel like whipping out their coffee mug and giving us a beat down. That goes directly against the idea that you get to post as a regular poster. I fully agree with everything said in this post. ---
**Author:** ![kurahee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f19dbf/32.png) [@kurahee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kurahee)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/202 "2006-06-17T02:24:59Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > I don’t think any of us fears the mods. I have, in the past, told **Frank** in no uncertain terms what I thought of him, and it was not complimentary. There _is_ a general respect for the rules, however; a consistent pattern of violating them will get you kicked out. **Frank** ’s conduct in this thread was rather unfortunate, but don’t take his behavior as emblematic for how this place is run. And yes, there are people who go around kissing the mods’ asses. The technical term for such people is “losers”. **Scumpup** , incidentally, is not one of those people. He seems to have formed a negative opinion of you independently of **Frank**. > > In my opinion, you might consider asking someone to close the thread; you’ve gotten a lot of thoughtful answers, plus more than your share of difficulty from **Frank**. I’m not sure what else there is to be said on the actual subject matter at this point. I don’t know either one of them. **Frank** was flat-out inappropriate, and wanted to derail the thread. I have no axe to grind with him (as far as I know). I also don’t know **Scumpup**. To be honest, I don’t know any of you. But to jump on me because I’m a guest member and accuse me of being a troll seemed over the top. And for a moderator to feed that, well, I was disappointed to say the least. If TPTB (I’ve learned a few things here) decide to lock this thread, that’s fine. If people still have insights or experiences that they can relate that would tell me that my radar is on or off, that’s fine too. I’ll be reading. You are correct, though. I have received much in the way of thoughtful answers, and I’ve also received some very nice offers from folks that wanted to offer support. So the board isn’t all bad. And my skin is pretty think. It’s easy to be a tough guy on a message board. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/203 "2006-06-17T02:51:56Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > I fully agree with everything said in this post. Another voice in agreement. Fortunately that’s not typical of the moderation here, as **Excalibre** pointed out. This thread is probably at the point of diminishing returns, **kurahee** , so a request for locking from you is worth a shot, although there’s no guarantee it’ll be granted. Emailing one of the Pit mods is more effective than making the request in the thread itself, if that’s what you choose to do. As to the substance of your situation: With bad vibes, a good policy is “Trust but verify.” Given what you’ve said, your options for verifying are minuscule at this point. Your and your wife’s decision to go with watch and wait is probably best, although the feeling of helplessness to right what seems wrong must gnaw at you. ---
**Author:** ![kurahee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f19dbf/32.png) [@kurahee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kurahee)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/204 "2006-06-17T03:30:52Z")
> [@kurahee](#): > > And my skin is pretty think. It’s easy to be a tough guy on a message board. My skin is thick, too. :smack: > [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > This thread is probably at the point of diminishing returns, kurahee, so a request for locking from you is worth a shot, although there’s no guarantee it’ll be granted. Emailing one of the Pit mods is more effective than making the request in the thread itself, if that’s what you choose to do. > > As to the substance of your situation: With bad vibes, a good policy is “Trust but verify.” Given what you’ve said, your options for verifying are minuscule at this point. Your and your wife’s decision to go with watch and wait is probably best, although the feeling of helplessness to right what seems wrong must gnaw at you. You may be right. Perhaps after sleeping on it, I’ll email a mod. But which one? Hmmm… I just feel like Frank wanted to close this thread, and baited me to start a Pit thread about him and/or his behavior as a mod. I didn’t see the point. So when I didn’t take the bait, he just moved the thread to the pit. That was just BS in my opinion. As far as the gnawing at me. It is. Because if we are right and do nothing, the child is scarred for life. If we are wrong and do something, that would also cause trauma. I’d rather not be involved in this at all. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/205 "2006-06-17T04:10:39Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Whose sock are you, **kurahee**? Everything about you screams sock puppet. You’re running guest membership. You have a brief posting history that is gravid with bizzare, provacative, TMI topics. I don’t know who you really are, but that person is a lying fuck of a troll. > There is no BIL. > There is no SIL. > There are no children. > There is no “fortress of solitude.” > There is no kiddie porn, suspected or otherwise. > There is only a lying, shit-stirring, trolling fuck of a sock puppet named **kurahee**. You forgot one: There is no brain in **Scumbag’s** head. You’re such an asshole, **Scumbag.** Why on earth would he make this story up? What would his motivation be? And, if someone were to make up a story for shits and giggles, I’m sure it would be a lot more torrid than the one he told. **Kurahee,** please ignore **Scumbag.** Don’t feed the troll! His comments are designed to garner an angry response, so please don’t give him what he wants!! **Kurahee,** I absolutely believe your story. I think it is very admirable that you care so much for the welfare of these kids. Please stick around! ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/206 "2006-06-17T08:19:32Z")
> [@kurahee](#): > > 1. My BIL is a professional, and makes a nice salary. > > 2. No one in my wife’s family knows exactly what he does for a living, and he is very secretive about his life/work. I have known a few people who were very hesitant to discuss work life but they had strong feelings with regard to “my job is not who I am”. He could be involved in somethign perfectly innocent like doing alot of online stock dealing and likes to keep his stock certs and such on hand thus the security and keeping kids and nosy neighbors out of his work room. Maybe hes Tony Soprano Since you mentioned his father is a PI I wonder if he might be doing work for dad. Plenty of PI’s get tangled up in some very long complex investigations involving people with immense resources, with alot to lose. That alone could explain everything and if daddy has some roundabout way of paying him to keep sonny off the radar even more so. Even rumors of involvement in some investigations could provoke violent responses from some folks. There is alot of money out there in PI work for defense attorneys scrounging up dirt and poking holes in the alibis of witnesses, etc, etc. If you were working aggressively to punch holes in the DA’s case against accused rapists, murderers, and child molestors would you tell people what you did for a living? ---
**Author:** ![Dan\_Norder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4af34b/32.png) [@Dan\_Norder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dan_Norder)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/207 "2006-06-17T08:50:52Z")
As long as this is in the pit… I agree wholeheartedly with those who say Frank acted completely inappropriately through this thread, first with insults that just barely skirted the no insulting rules, then the amazingly inappropriate ban threat, then tossing it all off to the pit because the moderator was involved in the shenanigans and wasn’t enforcing the don’t call people trolls rules. And Scumpup is just too idiotic for words to adequately describe. My sympathies to the original poster for being in a no win situation. If nothing else the BIL looks like a complete asshole. The possibility that he is molesting kids could go either way. These things happen, and these signs fit, though not strongly, and how can you really know, you know? ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/208 "2006-06-17T10:20:04Z")
> [@drachillix](#): > > I have known a few people who were very hesitant to discuss work life but they had strong feelings with regard to “my job is not who I am”. He’s probably a telemarketer. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Clam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3bc359/32.png) [@Happy\_Clam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Clam)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/209 "2006-06-17T11:09:27Z")
I would like to agree with those who disagree with **Frank** ’s decision to move this thread to the Pit and with **Scumpup** ’s defense of said move. However, I’d also like to say that I still think that **Kurahee** is overreacting to an admittedly bizarre set of circumstances but one that has lots of explanations. Still, greater involvement with your BIL’s family (to the extent of organising events, meeting with them and making yourself available to talk with any-especially the daughter) can hardly be a bad thing. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/210 "2006-06-17T11:17:14Z")
> [@kurahee](#): > > Kalhoun, it’s one example of many. I can list more. He lives his life for himself and the children are in the way. Except for the affection I’ve seen for the oldest. Lots of parents are like this. I’m not saying a guy who behaves this way is getting the Father of the Year award, I can tell you that I know plenty of people who had parents who were cold or distant or who didn’t spend a lot of money on the kids or who were selfish. It may not suit you or me, but it isn’t criminal and in no way suggests this guy is working in the kiddie porn business. It sounds like he doesn’t like you and you don’t like him. It sounds like family life may be less-than-ideal. Like the majority of families in this world. > [@](#): > > If you think I’m interested in getting involved in this for shits and grins you are mistaken. The thread isn’t nearly as scary as the “weird vibe” I get when I’ve been around this guy. Here, we are just speculating. There, it could be a real serious problem. And **if** he is finding sexual release from a daughter because his wife is not interested/capable/whatever, that’s scary. _If_ he’s more comfortable around people he can control, it may explain his lack of friends his own age. Maybe it adds up to a whole bunch of nothing. Those are pretty big “ifs”. Of course it’s scary but thinking the worst doesn’t necessarily make it a worst-case scenario. You may be reading more into this than is actually there. Based on the information provided here, I’d say you are. > [@](#): > > And for those of you who are saying we are over-reacting, let me ask you. What would \*\*YOU \*\* do if a 13 year old female child grabbed your package? Laugh it off? Think it odd? Get aroused? Tell her parents? > > I’ll ask again. What if I was her teacher and she walked up and did that? Would I report it? Or would it be no big deal? What if I \*\*DIDN’T \*\* report it, and someone saw it and told their parents? What kind of shit would hit the fan then? > > What if it was \*your \* daughter grabbing my package? Would you laugh it off, or would you be looking at me like I’m the problem? Would you want to know it, or would it be better if you didn’t know? > > Hell, when it happened, I was freaked out. \*I \* felt violated. I didn’t know how to react or what to do, so I didn’t make a big deal out of it. I didn’t want to embarrass the kids and I didn’t want to attract attention to myself. I’ve only told my wife and some strangers on a message board. > > I don’t have the answers. This has been a very difficult thing for us. I’d tell her parents. You were shocked and embarrassed, but after the dust settled you should have said something. An argument could be made that your lack of action could put you in the Mr. Creepy column, but as I said, people live their lives in different ways, so I’ll withhold judgement until I have more evidence. Look…I don’t have the answers either, but calling the authorities should be reserved for situations that have hard-core evidence against the suspected perp. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/211 "2006-06-17T11:29:24Z")
Good reasoning from **Kalhoun** there. I think she and I are on the same page with our thoughts on this topic. As far as **Frank** goes, I think he botched this thing from the get-go. I was reading along and was actually _shocked_ at **Frank’s** first post. “What happened here?” I thought. Very unusual. Anyway, I think **kurahee** ought stick around, he seems to be the type of person that could add value to this place. Cheers! ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/212 "2006-06-17T13:01:20Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > You forgot one: > > There is no brain in **Scumbag’s** head. > > You’re such an asshole, **Scumbag.** Why on earth would he make this story up? What would his motivation be? And, if someone were to make up a story for shits and giggles, I’m sure it would be a lot more torrid than the one he told. > > **Kurahee,** please ignore **Scumbag.** Don’t feed the troll! His comments are designed to garner an angry response, so please don’t give him what he wants!! > > **Kurahee,** I absolutely believe your story. I think it is very admirable that you care so much for the welfare of these kids. Please stick around! You and all the others rushing to the defense of this patent sock puppet/troll all have the same basic reasons for doing so. You sucked in for his bullshit and you don’t want to admit to yourself that you got suckered. You’re also enjoying the hell out of feeling _so_ compassionate and understanding. He’s a liar and a troll. I even have a pretty good idea which (former) member inhabits this **kurahee** persona. You all go ahead and continue wallowing in his shit, though; don’t let the truth interfere with that. FTR, I did decide **kurahee** is a piece of shit independently of **Frank**. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/213 "2006-06-17T13:05:21Z")
I forgot to mention, **nyctea scandiaca** , that insults based on changing a user name, e.g. calling me **scumbag** , are the lowest and weakest form of insult. If that is the best you can do, perhaps you should haul your pitiful self out of The Pit and stick to “pictures of kittens” threads in MPSIMS. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/214 "2006-06-17T13:15:47Z")
> [@](#): > > **nyctea scandiaca** said: > Kurahee, I absolutely believe your story. I think it is very admirable that you care so much for the welfare of these kids. Please stick around! You’re an idiot. This story is so contrived and full of bullshit that it sounds more like **kurahee** is delusional than anything else. He’s fixated on someone (who may or may not exist) wanting privacy and decided that the desire for privacy means the presence of evil behavior. You jump right in and scream abuse without any actual evidence of it, just like an overzealous CPS agent. Oh no, you two don’t approve of the lifestyle of people that **kurahee** probably made up! Holy shit that obviously proves the made up parents are abusers! I thought it was odd how fast you jumped to say there is definitely abuse going on. It was a weird statement to make, considering that this is a web forum and you have no direct information about anything… Are you smoking crack? ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/215 "2006-06-17T13:19:03Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > Why on earth would he make this story up? What would his motivation be? Are you new to the internets or something? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/216 "2006-06-17T13:30:32Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Whose sock are you, **kurahee** You have a brief posting history that is gravid with bizzare, provacative, TMI topics. (Chirp) If you would not mind getting me up to speed, can you share a bit of his history that is so gravid? > [@](#): > > I even have a pretty good idea which (former) member inhabits this kurahee persona. You need to report it, then. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/217 "2006-06-17T13:58:34Z")
I have no idea if this is bullshit or not. I do know that my sister was in a physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive relationship for six years - and that we all, in retrospect, wish we’d have done something ANYTHING when we saw the warning signs. There are warning signs in this story, made up or not. Its possible non-sexual and slightly crazy mom is non-sexual and slightly crazy from abuse. What was she like before children, when did that change? I’d talk to the girl’s school and I’d tell them exactly what you suspect. They may suspect the same thing and they will send CPS. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/218 "2006-06-17T14:20:18Z")
> [@kurahee](#): > > You may be right. Perhaps after sleeping on it, I’ll email a mod. But which one? Hmmm… On the front page of this forum, at the bottom right, you’ll find links to email addresses for the three Pit mods. They’re all excellent – fair, reasonable, and unprejudiced in the execution of their job. (My personal favorite for the cutest one is [**Giraffe**.](http://www.krittersinthemailbox.com/animals/giraffes/fita04977f.jpg)) ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/219 "2006-06-17T14:23:02Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > You and all the others rushing to the defense of this patent sock puppet/troll all have the same basic reasons for doing so. You sucked in for his bullshit and you don’t want to admit to yourself that you got suckered. You’re also enjoying the hell out of feeling _so_ compassionate and understanding. He’s a liar and a troll. I even have a pretty good idea which (former) member inhabits this **kurahee** persona. You all go ahead and continue wallowing in his shit, though; don’t let the truth interfere with that. > FTR, I did decide **kurahee** is a piece of shit independently of **Frank**. How can someone (you) be so bold in such an accusation without definite proof? _Even if_ this person is a former poster, what makes you think the story is bullshit? I have yet to see an indication that that might be so. IOW, why would you go out on such a precarious branch on a hunch? Also, if this person _is_ a sock or troll why not just report it and let the mods square this away, why do you have such a personal investment in this particular matter??? ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2006, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750/220 "2006-06-17T14:34:57Z")
> [@Uncommon Sense](#): > > **How can someone (you) be so bold in such an accusation without definite proof?** > _Even if_ this person is a former poster, what makes you think the story is bullshit? I have yet to see an indication that that might be so. > **IOW, why would you go out on such a precarious branch on a hunch?** ‘Such an accusation’? ‘Such a precarious branch’? So accusing someone of being a _ **child pornographer** _ without a scrap of evidence is fine, but a stranger calling a stranger on the internet a troll is objectionable to you? Crap, now I’m blind. Thanks so much. I rolled my eyes so hard they got stuck. Unfuckingreal. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-sought-suspect-brother-in-law-a-child-molester-into-child-porn/360750.md?page=12)