# Advice to those who think they will be forever single (but who don't want to be) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 21, 2003, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927 "2003-07-21T14:53:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![godzillatemple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/49beb7/32.png) [@godzillatemple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/godzillatemple)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/21 "2003-07-23T17:31:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > **Preach it, Bru-THA! Initially, I assumed that my friends and family would think I was “settling” by marrying a Black woman, but I eventually gainsayed that fear by gathering all of them together, popping some corn (with butter–all meetings designed to bring about closeness need butter involved), and then having them watch a video of the first night auntie em and I got it on.** Mommy, this place is scaring me. Can we go home now? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/22 "2003-07-23T17:40:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by godzillatemple \* > \*\*Mommy, this place is scaring me. Can we go home now? :eek: \*\* 😃 Hey, by the way, I just saw a picture of your wife from your web site. I think she’s a hot tamale, too! Congrats on your marriage! ---
**Author:** ![Artemius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Artemius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Artemius)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/23 "2003-07-23T18:22:13Z")
We can post and view pictures on this site? How? ---
**Author:** ![godzillatemple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/49beb7/32.png) [@godzillatemple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/godzillatemple)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/24 "2003-07-23T18:24:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Artemius \* > \*\*We can post and view pictures on this site? How? \*\* No, I think he just clicked on the “WWW” link below my post and visited my personal website (where I have a picture of my wife). Barry ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/25 "2003-07-23T18:26:34Z")
[Hijack] You can’t post pictures to this site, but you can link to pictures from this site. [Click on me!](http://www.muppets.com/profiles/graphics/Gonzo_s.jpg) as an example. Also, **godzillatemple** ’s wife’s picture was on his own web site. [/Hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Ms.Fisk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@Ms.Fisk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms.Fisk)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/26 "2003-07-23T18:44:43Z")
## quote: ## Originally posted by Artemius It is interesting, however, that arranged marriages between 2 people that know little of each other beforehand have the same divorce rates as the traditional method. Wonder why that is? Anybody? It could be that the culture that practices arranged marriage is the same culture for which divorce is a major taboo. So even though one might think that arranged marriages would have a higher failure rate because the people don’t know each other (or don’t know if they like each other), the wedded are more likely to stay together because separating is just not an option. I had a long-term boyfriend once whose parents had an arranged marriage. I asked if he was afraid they would ever divorce, and he said that would NEVER happen because their culture just wouldn’t allow it. In some cases/countries, it could also be because of the woman’s meager earning power. Though it was certainly not the case in my ex-boyfriend’s parents situation. ---
**Author:** ![Artemius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Artemius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Artemius)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/27 "2003-07-23T19:02:09Z")
Godzallatemple wrote: \<\\> IMO I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Time after time I’ve seen women say how they are looking for romance and their knight in shining armour. Don’t they realize they are setting themselves up for future disappointment. A guy might be able to project that role for _x_ amount of time but eventually he will not be able to maintain the charade. It’s like they are looking for perfection which, as we all know, doesn’t exist. Then they become disappointed/disallusioned. that’s my .02 worth ---
**Author:** ![Artemius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Artemius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Artemius)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/28 "2003-07-23T19:04:16Z")
Godzallatemple wrote: \<\\> IMO I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Time after time I’ve seen women say how they are looking for romance and their knight in shining armour. Don’t they realize they are setting themselves up for future disappointment. A guy might be able to project that role for _x_ amount of time but eventually he will not be able to maintain the charade. It’s like they are looking for perfection which, as we all know, doesn’t exist. Then they become disappointed/disallusioned. And I find it puzzling while they say what they are looking for I don’t see what they are offering in return. IMO, someone who is capable, honest, loving, resonsible, supportive and physically attractive to me is what’s important. Oops, sorry for getting off topic. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/29 "2003-07-23T19:49:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > \*\*Preach it, Bru-THA! Initially, I assumed that my friends and family would think I was “settling” by marrying a Black woman, but I eventually gainsayed that fear by gathering all of them together, popping some corn (with butter–all meetings designed to bring about closeness need butter involved), and then having them watch a video of the first night **auntie em** and I got it on. (Yes, Honey, I know you didn’t know the camera was going, but that’s not the point, is it? We’re trying to help **godzillatemple** ’s thread along. Let’s discuss it later…) > \*\* On the contrary. I knew the camera was going, and managed to snag a copy of the movie to show to _my_ friends and relatives (um, and BTW, that substantial withdrawal from our joint checking was to buy them all sunglasses to protect their delicate retinas from the glare of your bare ass during the screening–hope you don’t mind ;)). And yeah, they think I’m “settling” because I failed to snag a Morehouse/Meharry-educated Black doctor . . . but give them time. Eventually their eyes will adjust, and they’ll see why I love you . . . . . . for your superior dancing skills. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![OTA\_56x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/2bfe46/32.png) [@OTA\_56x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OTA_56x)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/30 "2003-07-23T20:01:50Z")
Man, I know exactly what’s going on here. I’m **only** 21 years old. I’m tall (six foot one), have green eyes, in good shape (go to the gym a lot, do hundreds of sit-ups per day, lift weights), not at all ugly, smart, have a lot of friends, etc. And I’m absolutely **terrified** I’m going to be alone for my whole life. ---
**Author:** ![godzillatemple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/49beb7/32.png) [@godzillatemple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/godzillatemple)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/31 "2003-07-23T20:18:54Z")
**OTA 56x** : Welcome to the SDMB! Would it help at all if I said you were way too young to worry about being alone for the rest of your life? I’m not guaranteeing that you won’t be, but maybe you should give it, oh, 10 or 15 years before you start getting really depressed. The only thing I regret about my relationship with my wife is that I didn’t meet her 10 years ago. However, things are so wonderful now that I can honestly say it was worth the wait. Is there anything in particular that makes you think this way? Or just a gut feeling? Barry ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/32 "2003-07-23T20:31:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*(um, and BTW, that substantial withdrawal from our joint checking was to buy them all sunglasses to protect their delicate retinas from the glare of your bare ass during the screening–hope you don’t mind ;)) \*\* Nah. Besides, I’ve seen the sunglasses you choose to buy–it’s not me that I’m worried about. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/33 "2003-07-23T23:49:15Z")
This thread is very reassuring. I was the one who originally brought up the question of dopers who wondered if they would spend the rest of their life single. Admittedly, I had thought so of myself just based on my brief dating experiences. But now after seeing so much feedback, my attitude has changed. I don’t think I’ll be single the rest of my life, but I’m not expecting things to change overnight. ---
**Author:** ![godzillatemple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/49beb7/32.png) [@godzillatemple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/godzillatemple)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2003, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/34 "2003-07-24T01:47:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Incubus \* > \*\*This thread is very reassuring. I was the one who originally brought up the question of dopers who wondered if they would spend the rest of their life single. > > Admittedly, I had thought so of myself just based on my brief dating experiences. But now after seeing so much feedback, my attitude has changed. I don’t think I’ll be single the rest of my life, but I’m not expecting things to change overnight. \*\* I’m glad that we could be of some help. I really had a feeling that the “We’re perfectly happy being single, thankyouverymuch” responses in that original thread weren’t exactly what you were looking for, and those of us with dissenting opinions were firmly told to Shut. The. Hell. Up. I hope you do manage to find somebody special some day, and if not, I hope you manage to enjoy life to the fullest anyway. Barry ---
**Author:** ![Wyatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b19c9b/32.png) [@Wyatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wyatt)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/35 "2003-07-25T00:04:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by godzillatemple \* > \*\ ***OTA 56x** : you should give it, oh, 10 or 15 years before you start getting really depressed … > > Barry \*\* Sorry, agree with your actual point, but LOVED the thought of Depression on a time line! “Hello, I’d like to make an advanced appointment with the Doctor, please? I’m planning a depression in about 10 or 15 years, and I’d like to get on the waiting list …” ---
**Author:** ![godzillatemple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/49beb7/32.png) [@godzillatemple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/godzillatemple)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-to-those-who-think-they-will-be-forever-single-but-who-dont-want-to-be/189927/36 "2003-07-25T00:27:24Z")
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