# Advise your daughter to "get married in \[her\] 20s." **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 26, 2015, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advise-your-daughter-to-get-married-in-her-20s/713638 "2015-02-26T03:30:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advise-your-daughter-to-get-married-in-her-20s/713638/201 "2015-03-05T02:00:22Z")
> [@Gaudere](#): > > There’s varying numbers, but even the “low” end of stats that dispute the “high” numbers say on average men’s standard of living increase about 10% while women’s declines 27%. (The “high” numbers said women’s standard of living decreases 73 percent in the year after divorce while men’s increase by an average of 42 percent. ) [http://www.nytimes.com/1996/05/09/garden/influential-study-on-divorce-s-impact-is-said-to-be-flawed.html](http://www.nytimes.com/1996/05/09/garden/influential-study-on-divorce-s-impact-is-said-to-be-flawed.html) My father probably made 90% of the income between him and my mother before they retired. So if the two of them ever get divorced, she’d be getting a shit load of the wealth his income was primarily responsible for. Houses, cars, savings, etc. She’d be “winning” a lot more than he would, even though on paper he still comes out on top. I can imagine my father believing (quite bitterly) that it would be cheaper to keep her than to let her “win” in this particular way. Unfortunately, knowing my mother, it wouldn’t take long for her to blow through the divorce settlement. Not just because she likes to shop, but because she’s not well-positioned to make a lot of money on her own. She’s worked her whole life, but she’s never been in the position where she’s had to be the breadwinner and actually had to support a household. While my father finished his education, she was doing part-time stuff and birthing babies. He supported her when she went back to school years later, but it was seminary, not business school. So her marketable skills are pretty weak. So, having a spouse that supports you can be a blessing and a curse. Women find themselves in this position more often than men do, so it’s actually quite surprising they tend to be the ones who initiate divorces. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advise-your-daughter-to-get-married-in-her-20s/713638/202 "2015-03-05T16:12:38Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > But it’s still about who started the procedural act of getting a divorce, rather than who started the emotional act of ending a marriage. > > I don’t know what the gender breakdown is on gender and infidelity, abuse and neglect is. But in cases where someone is doing something bad, it’s normal for the other party to be the one who forces the divorce. > > It’s like trying to judge a place of work by how many people they fire- that information isn’t useful unless you also know how many people resign. This is typical of how women react. When a woman wants commitment and her boyfriend doesn’t, women tend to agree: HE’S an asshole, still playing Peter Pan, and he needs to grow up and do what she wants. When a man wants commitment and his girlfriend doesn’t, women agree: HE’S an asshole, and a control freak, and a domineering jerk who should get through his thick skull that he doesn’t own her. When a man suddenly wants out of a seemingly happy marriage, HE’S an asshole who’s betraying his wife and family, and needs to remember the vows he took. When a woman suddenly wants out of a seemingly happy marriage, HE’S an asshole who probably drove her to it. Whatever happens, it’s HIS fault. Remember that, boys. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advise-your-daughter-to-get-married-in-her-20s/713638/203 "2015-03-05T16:58:37Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > This is typical of how women react. > > When a woman wants commitment and her boyfriend doesn’t, women tend to agree: HE’S an asshole, still playing Peter Pan, and he needs to grow up and do what she wants. > > When a man wants commitment and his girlfriend doesn’t, women agree: HE’S an asshole, and a control freak, and a domineering jerk who should get through his thick skull that he doesn’t own her. > > When a man suddenly wants out of a seemingly happy marriage, HE’S an asshole who’s betraying his wife and family, and needs to remember the vows he took. > > When a woman suddenly wants out of a seemingly happy marriage, HE’S an asshole who probably drove her to it. > > Whatever happens, it’s HIS fault. Remember that, boys. This is quite an elaborate narrative to develop from the idea that who initiates a divorce doesn’t tell us much about why the marriage ended. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advise-your-daughter-to-get-married-in-her-20s/713638/204 "2015-03-05T21:48:38Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > This is typical of how women react. This is typical of how sexists talk. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advise-your-daughter-to-get-married-in-her-20s/713638.md?page=10)