It’s worth noting in the thread I started in IMHO, not a single woman said this would be helpful advice.
Yup, and because women’s standards have risen, it is not surprising so many men (particularly older, more traditional types) feel annoyed and threatened by that. It used to be that a steady paycheck, a working vehicle, a decent haircut and shave, and a basic understanding of dating rituals was all that it took for a guy to be deemed a catch. Nowadays, women actually expect men to do a lot more than earn money and empty the trash once a week. Oh the horror, right? But increased selectiveness is the natural consequence of women being able to fend for themselves, and there’s no getting around that unless we’re prepared to bar women from college again.
What is that old joke where a woman says “I’m tired of waiting for my dream boat and now I’ll settle for a rowboat”.
Or “It’s a waste of time looking for that perfect man. You can learn to settle for ‘eh - you’ll do’”.
What a stunning observation.
Couldn’t possibly have anything to do with women - just “settling” for the first OK guy that comes along to fulfill dreams of marriage and children. Nope. 
But men often “settle,” too. Why aren’t they initiating an equal percentage share of divorces?
Because many find it easier to just check out of their marriage by cheating and other ways of screwing around. That way he can get the freedom he wants, without any of headaches that come with divorce.
Chronically misbehaving and poor performing students are often expelled or flunk out. Why, when they could just voluntarily drop out before it comes to that point? It’s because they don’t have any incentive to leave on their own.
you with the face makes some good points, but my point was not necessarily to talk about why women are divorcing, but to point out the interesting dichotomy that women are being simultaneously told to “settle” and then also having it pointed out that we are the ones to institute divorce.
It just seemed odd.
I take it you’ve never heard “It’s cheaper to keep her”.
Men typically have a lot more to lose financially in a divorce than a woman does.
I was going to post something about this but then I began to wonder. Is this really true? I mean, if I leave my SO now, sure he makes more money than I do, but half of all the stuff in the house is mine, no matter what anyone says. And if I had kids, he might have to pay child support but I have to actually support the child! With the income gap narrowing (although not perfect) I wonder if this is still the case.
i think maybe men are just more content with the status quo? But I am not sure.
Because who filed the paperwork is not necessarily a reflection of who wants or causes the divorce.
My theory is that women still do an overwhelming amount of the housework. So a man in a non-performing marriage is still coming home to a hot meal and clean socks, leaving him with some benefits even if the affection and trust isn’t there. While a woman in a non-performing marriage not only isn’t getting affection and trust, she’s also stuck doing a bunch of extra work.
So men divorcing in this scenario would lose a live-in maid, while women lose an unpaid second job.
This is also what I thought. And the man has her raising his children. Plus, I do think that it’s still easier for men to step out on their marriages than women. But whether that is the case or not, it does seem like men step out for sex, which is fairly easy to find, and women want love and companionship as well as sex.
There are of course exceptions to the rule - to all rules.
I think a woman is more likely to divorce her husband when her finances are lined up the right way and/or she has an escape hatch (lover or a friend willing to put her up for awhile).
So yeah, there are plenty of women who are afraid to leave their husbands because they know they’d be giving up a lot. But eventually, for lots of women, that fear ceases to be a part of the equation.
I have no doubt that as the wage gap shrinks, it will be “cheaper to keep him” rather than “her”. Which is all the more reason that career-minded women are well-justified in their pickiness.
Disagree. Get married when (A) you find the right mate, and (B) you’re ready.
I married just before I turned 30. That was 28 years ago and I still have no regrets. I’m really glad I didn’t marry anyone else earlier.
lol
Well put, especially for a slithy tove.
Men might be perfectly willing to break up with their wives, but hesitate because they don’t want to become every-other-weekend dads.
Women–because they tend to be the primary caregiver–are less reluctant to pull the trigger because they anticipate having full custody.
The statistics on who initiates divorce are not based on who files the paperwork.
See, e.g. http://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/divorce.pdf
My wife and I got married in our 20s, and its worked out so far. I was 26, she was 25. We didn’t have kids until 30/29.
I’ll definitely be telling my daughter (who is 6 now), “Marry when you find someone you want to marry, who also wants to marry you.”
“Oh, and wait until you both complete your educations.”
Other than the last part, I think the best advice is to marry when you find the person worth marrying. It’s not worthwhile to settle for someone who won’t make you truly happy simply because you’re going to be 30 soon.
But it’s still about who started the procedural act of getting a divorce, rather than who started the emotional act of ending a marriage.
I don’t know what the gender breakdown is on gender and infidelity, abuse and neglect is. But in cases where someone is doing something bad, it’s normal for the other party to be the one who forces the divorce.
It’s like trying to judge a place of work by how many people they fire- that information isn’t useful unless you also know how many people resign.
There’s varying numbers, but even the “low” end of stats that dispute the “high” numbers say on average men’s standard of living increase about 10% while women’s declines 27%. (The “high” numbers said women’s standard of living decreases 73 percent in the year after divorce while men’s increase by an average of 42 percent. ) http://www.nytimes.com/1996/05/09/garden/influential-study-on-divorce-s-impact-is-said-to-be-flawed.html