But in the larger sense, it’s ridiculous. You can’t run your own life based on statistics.
In my own case, I am a college educated man with a good job, yet I didn’t get married until my 40s. Simply because it took that long to meet a woman I wanted to marry.
So you can’t tell anybody they should or shouldn’t be married by a certain age. Life happens, you can’t control who you do or don’t meet.
To be sure, no one should get married to comply with some statistic or beat some artificially set deadline. But I think a lot of young people these days have been told that “There will always be time; you can take things for granted.” And many of them are going to wake up one day after being in a 20s mindset for forever and find that they’re 35 or 40.
So in other words, there are more single men in their 30’s than single women in their 30’s. How does this translate to* fewer *options for women? The balance in skewed in her favor.
Might you mean something like 68% of women *get been married by age *30, vs 56% of men?
There are more women than men. Who are all these extra women married to – each other?
Unsurprisingly, this is not true. American women have, on average, 2 children apiece, even though their ideal ‘desired’ number of children is closer to 3 (and this is remarkably consistent across education levels).
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/gnxp/2012/12/dont-wait-to-have-older-children/
That having been said, while I care about fertility rates a lot, I don’t really care about *marriage *except insofar as it contributes to fertility. If you have ideas as to how to make it possible for women to have more children without necessarily being tied down by marriage (free child care, more of a role for the government in childrearing, more involvement in childrearing by extended families and/or community groups, etc.) I’d be thoroughly in favour.
Easy-bake ovens? What is this, 1965? I don’t think anyone is getting that kind of stuff anymore.*
The problem isn’t that girls aren’t encouraged to pursue marriage and motherhood, it’s that they are universally encouraged to pursue that and a career without a frank appraisal of what that will really look at for most of them. For a few elite types, they can find a great guy at 32, take a year off from the law career to raise a child and then hiring a French au pair so she can go back to her law career and still make partner, creating her own schedule to ensure she’s still around for all the important moments. And that’s what gets sold to young women.
The reality is often like six weeks of maternity, and then she’s obligated to go back to her shitty job selling paper at Dunder-Mifflin; she’d rather stay home but they can’t afford that. Or, she puts off getting married until she’s 30, and she finds her high-pressure job leaves her little time and energy for dating. Or she finds that her success and big salary ends up driving off a lot of guys she might consider. (And stomping our feet and saying “those guys are losers and she just needs to find a guy who isn’t afraid of strong women,” doesn’t change the fact).
Point is, women are encouraged to build their life plans based on feminist ideas about the way the world and intergender relations should be, but they have to live those lives out based on the reality of the way things* are* today. I think young women should be told honestly about the differences.
Finally, I repeat my suggestion: “start thinking about it … be open to the possibility.”
If that’s what counts as “admonishment to change your life plans,” we’ll have to agree to disagree.
*(I also don’t think boys are much encouraged to think of marriage and fatherhood as worthy goals deserving of admiration, FWIW, and that we are poorer for that also.)
Because 32 year old men can and often do marry 26 year old women. Demi Moore aside, the latter rarely happens.
The last time I looked, the gender imbalance is only like 51/49. I don’t see your point.
My 5-year-old got two tea sets for her fifth birthday. One of them had an advertisement for an Easy-bake oven included.
But wait- I thought all those 26 year old were deluded by feminists into ruining their lives by “earning money,” “getting degrees” and “enjoying their life.” If they are actually just marrying 36 year olds, shouldn’t the OP be happy?
And I could easily point out that a 32 year old woman has better odds at marrying a man who is 42 than the other way around. But so what? She can choose among her peers, and she can also choose among guys who are in their 40’s and beyond. In contrast, there’s only so low in age a man can before he start going into pedo land. But again, so what? If pointing out this reality doesn’t make men rush to the alter, I’m not sure why these statistics are supposed to affect women’s decisionmaking either.
That said, the majority of marriages are between people around the same age, give or take a couple of years. So if women start putting off marriage, there is no way this will not affect the choices that men have available to them. Not that I put much stock in the “there’s a lid for every pot” adage, but its relevant in this discussion.
You may agree that boys aren’t encouraged enough to think of marriage, but the fact that you’ve literally treated this as a parenthetical idea says it all.
It’s not parenthetical. It’s exactly why we’re seeing the phenomenon we’re seeing.
You are aware that the world contains many, many people, and that sometimes the ratios of how many of them do one thing and how many of them do another can be significant, even though the ratio never gets anywhere near 0:100 or 100:0?
Oh, you don’t. Nevermind.
I suspect many people in their 30s or 40s “settle” inwardly but for obvious reasons don’t/can’t let their spouse know they were married as a “best remaining settling option.” It would be an insult.
I don’t mean ***you ***or your spouse personally. But I suspect it’s a hidden truth of many marriages.
You are probably right about that.
Everyone settles eventually, which is why we aren’t all perpetually looking for a spouse. Given that the marriages between older people are more likely to last than marriage among younger people, “settling” doesn’t seem like a bad strategy.
Fertility and age: Your age and fertility | BabyCentre
So there is a measurable risk the longer that you wait to have children. If marriage and kids are part of the same equation - marrying younger increases the chances of successful procreation.
If you don’t want kids, the age of marriage loses relevancy.
True, but there are still “tiers” of settling.
Almost nobody marries a movie star or billionaire, but there is a marked difference between marrying someone whom you’re head-over-heels in love with, and marrying an, “Eh, I’m not exactly thrilled, but he/she is educated, a decent person, I’m 37 and there are a lot worse potential spouses, time is running out, let’s get married.”
I don’t associate settling with older age. My desperation level was highest when I was young and still mapping out my future like a city planner. Every year that passed by without me hitting the magical milestone of marriage bothered me a bit back then.
Once I aged out of that phase of life, my dating priorities gradually shifted away from “Is this a relationship that could lead to marriage and kids?” to “Is this a relationship that feels right and adds joy to my life?” In the last 5 years, there’s been less preoccupation with the ticking of the clock or more of a zen attitude when it comes to dates.
That’s not settling to me. I think settling is more like “I’m not getting any younger and he/she’s willing. Might as well do it”.