# After 15 years, I'm single **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 21, 2016, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930 "2016-06-21T00:55:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/1 "2016-06-21T00:55:28Z")
So yesterday my partner of 15 years told me it’s over. He met someone online that he’s been talking to and then actually met. Then had the absolute gall to ask if I would be ok with the asshole moving in here. (we can’t sell our condo until mid 2018 due to a principal reduction modification) That of course was an absolute hell no. I spent yesterday pissed off and started moving my things into the second bedroom. I spent today at work struggling not to cry. I don’t know what I’m going to do, stay here until we can sell, move and hope he does the right thing financially (another whole mess), grit my teeth and say it’s ok for the asshole to move in. I just don’t know. Things have been rough for a couple years and neither of us has handled the situation well. I’ve thought we might separate, but I never in my wildest dreams thought it would happen this way. Even if this other guy turns out to be a short term thing…it’s over. I can’t forgive that. ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/2 "2016-06-21T01:01:30Z")
wow, that’s bad enough, but he actually expects you to live there with them?? Do you have somewhere else to stay? don’t stay there. cyberhugs. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/3 "2016-06-21T01:02:49Z")
> [@spamforbrains](#): > > wow, that’s bad enough, but he actually expects you to live there with them?? Do you have somewhere else to stay? don’t stay there. cyberhugs. Oh he’s not coming here. I made that very clear. As long as I live here, no one else moves in. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/4 "2016-06-21T01:11:20Z")
I can’t believe he asked that. That speaks volumes about who he is. I’m sorry. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/5 "2016-06-21T01:19:30Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > I can’t believe he asked that. That speaks volumes about who he is. > > I’m sorry. ☹ Thank you. He at least had the decency to say “I didn’t really think you’d go for that”. He’s doing the I hope we don’t have to hate each other routine. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/6 "2016-06-21T01:38:49Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > Thank you. He at least had the decency to say “I didn’t really think you’d go for that”. He’s doing the I hope we don’t have to hate each other routine. If that is what he wanted, he should have talked to you about his feelings about your relationship before finding a replacement. Unacceptable. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/7 "2016-06-21T01:40:54Z")
> [@Cub\_Mistress](#): > > If that is what he wanted, he should have talked to you about his feelings about your relationship before finding a replacement. Unacceptable. He claims he didn’t go looking for it, I’m not sure I believe it. But yes, it is unacceptable. Even if he changes his mind and wants to try and work things out, I don’t see a way I can forgive that. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/8 "2016-06-21T02:28:03Z")
I’m sorry, **Antinor**. What a rotten thing to do to someone. I don’t think you should leave. If anyone moves it should be him! He’s the one who bailed on your relationship so why should YOU move? Hugs and good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/9 "2016-06-21T02:37:48Z")
Do you think you can work into a situation where you will just be basically roommates? ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/10 "2016-06-21T02:39:43Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > I’m sorry, **Antinor**. What a rotten thing to do to someone. I don’t think you should leave. If anyone moves it should be him! He’s the one who bailed on your relationship so why should YOU move? > > Hugs and good luck. Agreed; also if you own the condo together, you moving out could have legal implications of some kind (not a lawyer, just an urge for caution). ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/11 "2016-06-21T02:42:53Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Do you think you can work into a situation where you will just be basically roommates? Possibly. It’s only been a day so I don’t yet know how it’ll work. One of my main interests right now is protecting the investment in the condo, to that end I did (at least I think I did) make him realize that having someone you’ve met once move in is asinine. He may ask the asshole if he just wants to move to LA instead of actually here. Basic ground rules so far would be that he’s never in this house and I never meet him. Regardless of the rest of the situation, I don’t trust a stranger to actually stay for 2 years and ensure the payments are all made until we can sell. I tend to retreat into logic…the bulk of the emotional part is still coming I can tell. (those that remember my participation in the depression threads will know that I have issues when it comes to emotion) ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/12 "2016-06-21T03:17:02Z")
I gotta thank the Dope for being here. You all are the first ones I’ve told about whats going on, my facebook status is still engaged. There are just too many conversations that I don’t want to have with friends and family yet. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/13 "2016-06-21T03:27:47Z")
Oh…you were engaged? Pound another nail in your heart… Sorry you are going through this. Sounds like a nightmare. So very sad ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/14 "2016-06-21T03:28:48Z")
I’m so sorry. That is a lot to have thrown at you all at once. > [@Antinor01](#): > > He’s doing the I hope we don’t have to hate each other routine. He doesn’t seem to be doing much to make that happen. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/15 "2016-06-21T03:38:44Z")
Just curious: Are you a man or a woman? You’re better off without someone like this. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/16 "2016-06-21T03:50:01Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Just curious: Are you a man or a woman? > > You’re better off without someone like this. Male. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/17 "2016-06-21T03:53:26Z")
Jesus, Antinor, that’s rough. I can’t believe he thought you’d be cool with moving him in. You deserve better than that. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/18 "2016-06-21T03:54:10Z")
I’m so sorry. That is just horrible. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/19 "2016-06-21T04:18:14Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > Jesus, Antinor, that’s rough. I can’t believe he thought you’d be cool with moving him in. You deserve better than that. I laughed in his face when he asked that. ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/20 "2016-06-21T04:21:38Z")
I don’t know the financial situation of everyone involved (though since there was a modification, I suppose it’s less than ideal). But I’d be looking pretty hard at the ‘no sale’ restriction - there should be some way out of that. It might come at a cost, but at this point it may be worth it to you. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930.md?page=2)