# After 15 years, I'm single **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 21, 2016, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930 "2016-06-21T00:55:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/21 "2016-06-21T04:22:23Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > I laughed in his face when he asked that. Good! It’s a fucking laughable idea. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/22 "2016-06-21T04:26:23Z")
> [@Dag\_Otto](#): > > I don’t know the financial situation of everyone involved (though since there was a modification, I suppose it’s less than ideal). But I’d be looking pretty hard at the ‘no sale’ restriction - there should be some way out of that. It might come at a cost, but at this point it may be worth it to you. The principal reduction was about what we stand to make. Financially, I’m better riding it out. The emotional cost is still being calculated. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/23 "2016-06-21T04:51:04Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > Good! It’s a fucking laughable idea. No kidding. You tell me that you’ve been getting emotionally involved with someone for months, that you spent 2 days with them, you’re leaving me for them…and oh can they move in? What utter and complete bullshit to lay on someone in one conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/24 "2016-06-21T06:04:55Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Oh…you were engaged? Pound another nail in your heart… Much better it should happen now than after you were legally married! ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/25 "2016-06-21T06:51:42Z")
Maybe you can rent the place out? That way you guys move out, get some money and you never have to see the other guy. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/26 "2016-06-21T07:26:04Z")
What do you mean, you should move out? _He_ should move out! Specifically, you should move \*him \*out. Kick his ass out on the curb and change the locks. Hire some movers to take all his shit and move it to long-term storage. Or to a dumpster. Your choice. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/27 "2016-06-21T07:31:32Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Specifically, you should move \*him \*out. Kick his ass out on the curb and change the locks. You can’t kick someone out of a place they legally reside (and own, it appears) no matter how much they fucked up. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/28 "2016-06-21T07:34:06Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > I gotta thank the Dope for being here. You all are the first ones I’ve told about whats going on, my facebook status is still engaged. There are just too many conversations that I don’t want to have with friends and family yet. Take a deep breath, and take your time getting all this out to everyone in your life. Give yourself some time to reach some emotional equilibrium. Just remember that you’ve got friends here. My heart goes out to you. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/29 "2016-06-21T07:36:28Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > What do you mean, you should move out? _He_ should move out! > > Specifically, you should move \*him \*out. Kick his ass out on the curb and change the locks. Hire some movers to take all his shit and move it to long-term storage. Or to a dumpster. Your choice. His ex-lover seems to also be an owner, he cannot be kicked out. If said arsehole is adamant about having his new bum boy in the house, then the OP might realistically have to grin and bear it or get some sort of agreement. OP, lawyer up now. Find out your options wrt Condo and hit the arsehole with them; for all you know he has already consulted a lawyer. It’ll be a lot more useful than some strangers on a message board. And take a couple of weeks off work; this is life changing, you need to process it. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/30 "2016-06-21T07:39:45Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > You can’t kick someone out of a place they legally reside (and own, it appears) no matter how much they fucked up. Sure - but possession is 9 points of the law. If he’s out, he’s going to have to fight to get back in, and while he’ll probably win, it’ll take him a lot of time and money. Especially if you start involving restraining orders. Sometimes, the law isn’t about winning; it’s about making the other guy miserable. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/31 "2016-06-21T07:41:39Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > His ex-lover seems to also be an owner, he cannot be kicked out. If that’s the case, then yeah, he’s fucked. If the apartment is in both their names, though, my guess is that the OP has a bit more leeway. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/32 "2016-06-21T08:45:23Z")
I’m sorry for your troubles **Antinor1**. Just remember, if you need to rant and vent, we’re here. Oh, and bollocks to your ex. May a thousand camel fleas etc. He sounds like a right piece of work. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/33 "2016-06-21T12:05:54Z")
Consult an attorney and see what your rights and obligations are. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Your ex sounds like a real piece of work. “Not looking for it?” So then why was he susceptible? Do what you need to do to stay healthy and you will get through this. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/34 "2016-06-21T12:37:49Z")
Sorry to hear about it, **Antinor01**. Don’t do anything suddenly, and try not to do anything vindictive - it won’t pay in the long run. But do what **ivylass** says - talk to an attorney. > [@](#): > > we can’t sell our condo until mid 2018 due to a principal reduction modification Your best bet to survive the next year and a half is to dissociate yourself entirely from the emotional part and focus entirely on the financial part. Divorce (and that is essentially what this is) can be financially devastating as well as emotionally devastating. Sorry this happened to you. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/35 "2016-06-21T12:46:11Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > Thank you. He at least had the decency to say “I didn’t really think you’d go for that”. He’s doing the I hope we don’t have to hate each other routine. If he didn’t really think you’d go for that, what in the world possessed him to even ask? He’s hasn’t got a ounce of decency, he’s fucking delusional. I wish you strength, Antinor01. If that comes with a little bit of hate, I don’t think anyone would hold it against you in this situation. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/36 "2016-06-21T13:13:32Z")
Lots of love and fondness, my friend. I’m sorry it had to be this way. I’m sorry he turned out to be kind of a jerk…but people do stupid things I guess. ---
**Author:** ![peedin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peedin/32/14095_2.png) [@peedin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peedin)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/37 "2016-06-21T13:49:54Z")
I’m so sorry. My ex-husband did the same thing. Assholes. I gave him the house (which was underwater) and moved out. Do what I did: find a shark lawyer and talk about what legally can and cannot be done. Also get a therapist/counselor to get you through these rough times. And yeah, a healthy dose of hate/resentment/WTF? is not to be discounted. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/38 "2016-06-21T14:25:31Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > Possibly. It’s only been a day so I don’t yet know how it’ll work. One of my main interests right now is protecting the investment in the condo, to that end I did (at least I think I did) make him realize that having someone you’ve met once move in is asinine. He may ask the asshole if he just wants to move to LA instead of actually here. Basic ground rules so far would be that he’s never in this house and I never meet him. Regardless of the rest of the situation, I don’t trust a stranger to actually stay for 2 years and ensure the payments are all made until we can sell. > > I tend to retreat into logic…the bulk of the emotional part is still coming I can tell. (those that remember my participation in the depression threads will know that I have issues when it comes to emotion) Well your a man and men tend to think think about logic first before emotions. We think money, numbers, long term gains and losses, balance sheets, and so forth. Well at least most do because your guy didnt. My advice is to sit down and do a reboot of the relationship. Forget all the previous emotional ties and admit your nothing more than roommates. Call each other by your real names (preferably use Mr now), no more cute names. Speak and act professionally. Drop all joint accounts and sell off any jointly owned items in the place. Set ground rules like who pays what bill. Get everything in writing. Your men. You can handle this. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/39 "2016-06-21T14:28:15Z")
“You’re” not “your”. I guess men are bad at grammar, since we’re doing sweeping generalizations based on gender. Anyway, I agree with the advice to see a lawyer. It’s seems the status of the condo is a big concern of yours (rightfully so). It’d be good to know exactly what the options are so you have some control over this situation. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2016, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930/40 "2016-06-21T15:35:45Z")
What a shitty situation. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. I agree with others that the best thing to do is to get some sense of what your legal obligations and rights are. Much depends on how you own the property. Don’t take actions that are spiteful that can rebound against you in any way. Don’t pitch his stuff onto the lawn, for example. But you are never going to be legally required to be friendly to your ex and his dates. (Though sometimes it can be emotionally easier to start treating rat bastards rather like you would a cashier at a supermarket. Generically friendly and dispassionate.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/after-15-years-im-single/757930.md?page=3)