# Aging parents **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 26, 2002, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aging-parents/100106 "2002-03-26T00:58:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aging-parents/100106/1 "2002-03-26T00:58:01Z")
For the first time, Mama Plant called me at work and told me about taking the cat to the vet and fifteen minutes later she called me up and told me about taking the cat to the vet. There was new information, but she didn’t seem to realize that she’d just called on the same subject; she repeated the preface, if you will. How serious is this stuff? Do your parents do this? Yeah, I’m an old guy, she’s eighty. ---
**Author:** ![Booker57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Booker57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Booker57)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aging-parents/100106/2 "2002-03-26T01:45:31Z")
Mom’s 78 this year. I have no idea what to do, and it scares me. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aging-parents/100106/3 "2002-03-26T01:52:45Z")
Mom’s 56, dad will be 62 this year. Not as far up there as some, I know, but I worry about Dad. Mom had to take him to the hospital (actually had to call an ambulance) a couple of months ago because he couldn’t breathe. Nothing was wrong (ok, that vein thing that GeorgeW fainted from…it was that. It was actually the same weekend as the pretzel incident). But it hit home that one of these days I’m going to get a call and it’s not going to be ok. And I don’t know how I’ll react to that. But mom has her “aging” moments. She can laugh about them and so can all of us. ---
**Author:** ![Tinkertoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f19dbf/32.png) [@Tinkertoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tinkertoy)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aging-parents/100106/4 "2002-03-26T02:11:30Z")
Mother is 76 this year, a widow and cantankerous. It scares me because I know that she expects to live with me when she can no longer live alone. My health won’t take it. besides she and my husband will kill each other. I don’t know how to tell her. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aging-parents/100106/5 "2002-03-26T02:25:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by carnivorousplant \ ***. . . told me about taking the cat to the vet and fifteen minutes later she called me up and told me about taking the cat to the vet.** Count your blessings. At 65 my dad thought the cat was me and didn’t have a clue as to who I was. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aging-parents/100106/6 "2002-03-26T02:53:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by carnivorousplant \* > \*\*… but she didn’t seem to realize that she’d just called on the same subject; she repeated the preface, if you will. > How serious is this stuff? Do your parents do this? > Yeah, I’m an old guy, she’s eighty. \*\* My mom is almost 70, and she does this occasionally. Or something will some up and I will tell her that she **hasn’t** told me about it, and then she will remark, “You know, your sister said I told her about this three times. I guess I thought I told you at least once.” She is able to laugh about it at this point. My sisters and I joke about which one of us “gets Mom” when she really loses it. Morbid, I know, but at least we can laugh about it. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aging-parents/100106/7 "2002-03-26T04:50:41Z")
This situation is a tough one. My grandmother lived to be 96, and the last five years were painful. You walk into a room and the person that taught you how to tell time and how to count money doesn’t know your name…asks your sister: “How much do they pay you to be here?” Then a doctor says: "You’ll look back and call these the ‘good old days’, and three years later you realize he was right. Sorry I can’t be more upbeat and positive about this, but it’s a bummer, no way around it. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![kiz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7feea3/32.png) [@kiz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiz)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aging-parents/100106/8 "2002-03-26T04:59:04Z")
My mother is 79, looks around 15-20 years younger, and she’s beginning to repeat the same questions, not to mention giving long detailed explanations then forgetting why she started explaining in the first place… Her doctor says it’s part of the aging process, and there’s nothing that will “cure” it. And, as **Booker57** said, it’s scary… ---
**Author:** ![reprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@reprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/reprise)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aging-parents/100106/9 "2002-03-26T05:10:55Z")
This is one of those threads I’ve opened several times, each time meaning to post something and each time realising that I have nothing positive to say about the experience of nursing my parents in their declining years. I guess I would urge those whose parents are aging to think seriously about how you are going to handle any decline in their physical and/or mental health. It may seem morbid, but to the extent that you think about it now and make plans, you have choices; without those plans you may find yourself in situations beyond your control and not of your choosing. Forgetfulness is common, and not just in the elderly. I suspect that we notice it more in the elderly and comment on it more because we’re aware that it can signal the beginning of more serious problems. So yes, it’s worth checking with your Mum’s physician - but mostly to reassure **yourself** so that you can stop worrying every time **Mama Plant** has a normal memory lapse. It will also give you an opportunity to get an idea of your Mum’s overall state of health and any health problems you are likely to have to deal with in the coming years and what resources are available to help you deal with them. Good luck to all those thinking about this issue. It isn’t an easy one to face, but it’s a heck of a lot easier if you already have support systems in place when you’re called upon to deal with it. I wish you all well. ---
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aging-parents/100106/10 "2002-03-26T06:21:56Z")
My dad is 88. I have retired and would like to go live in Mexico or some other foreigh country. His health is good, but he keeps telling my wife that he doesn’t want us to move. He won’t say anything to me and I guess I’m just going to have to have a talk and get things straightened out. My mother passed away last year and she wasn’t sure where she was and on the last day I don’t think she knew who I was. It happens, but it isn’t easy. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aging-parents/100106/11 "2002-03-26T12:00:18Z")
My father is 92 and is one of the most difficult people alive. He doesn’t approve of anything, is horribly racist, dislikes all religions except Southern Baptist, disaproves of my sister’s lifestyle, criticizes me about everything from the way I comb my hair to the way I drive and then complains because my sister and I don’t spend enough time with him. I am 62, my sister is 69, and he still attempts to dictate every move we make. My mother died when she was 85, so my father has been alone for the last six years. In public, he makes racist comments that are loud enough to be heard by his target and I have had to talk my way out of some tense situations. I sometimes expect to be killed over some comment he might make. I dread the day that my sister is no longer able, or willing, to deal with his BS so that his care falls 100% on me. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aging-parents/100106/12 "2002-03-26T19:37:04Z")
Mom is 57, dad is 63. Although I’d gladly take her in, and we have the room, Mom will want to live with my sister, the one who is producing grandchildren. Good luck, sis. If Mom goes first, however, Dad is on his own as far as I’m concerned. Paybacks are a bitch. Mr. S had already seen both parents and a sister through terminal cancer in the five years before I met him. He’s done his time.