# Agro-American Haiku

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/agro-american-haiku/46774>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [December 21, 2000, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/agro-american-haiku/46774 "2000-12-21T22:58:12Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\
**Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/agro-american-haiku/46774/1 "2000-12-21T22:58:12Z")

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Not long ago, I read [this page](http://www.ilovebacon.com/jokes/110900c.shtml), and it inspired me to create some of my own haiku.

For the record, I have gone snipe hunting, smoked Jack Daniels bong hits, drank in cow pastures and cornfields, and seen Hank Williams, Jr. perform live. Well, okay, that last one was mainly because the Beach Boys were late getting to the Mall on the 4th of July, but I stand by the fact that I am an Agro-American, sometimes derisively known as a “redneck.”

I hope you enjoy my little opus. Please feel free to contribute your own.

Saturday morning  
Time to go visit Daddy  
At the county jail

Skipped the concrete slab  
Double-wide is now adrift  
On sea of sewage

A pink flamingo  
And a smiling red jockey  
Will welcome you home

I’ve often told you  
I’d rather push a Chevy  
Than drive a damned Ford

Have you no manners?  
You’re supposed to use a spork  
When serving 'possum

Leroy Yarbrough  
Was the best goddamn driver  
Ever to kill his mom

Cooler, gun rack, dog  
Tool-box, ladder, fifth of Jack  
Need a Maxi-Cab

In the big city  
Them fools stack their outhouses  
One 'top t’other

Thirty-four inches  
Is the legal height for trucks  
Lowered my bumper

When Andy Griffith  
Takes a bite and says, “good cracker!”  
Of whom does he speak?

Spring Break, Daytona  
Never took off my jacket  
Or left the raceway

Dinty Moore Beef Stew  
Boiled hot dogs and Budweiser  
I love home cookin’

Don’t tell me about  
That damned evolution thing  
I’m proof it ain’t true

Plenty things to do  
In Christiansburg, Virginia  
Like go to Radford

She has a husband  
But thinks she’s a lesbian  
Loves Little Debbie

I ain’t no redneck  
But I knowed plenty who was  
Pass the scrapple, please

BC, STP  
F-150, TNN  
Who says I cain’t spell?

And finally, my tribute to Basho:

An old pond  
A drunken redneck plunges in  
Goddammit!

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**Author:** ![That\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e79b87/32.png) [@That\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/That_Girl)\
**Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/agro-american-haiku/46774/2 "2000-12-22T01:04:39Z")

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Thems’s pretty durn clever /  
Remember me agin /  
wha’s th’ rules fer Haiku

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\
**Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/agro-american-haiku/46774/3 "2000-12-22T05:13:34Z")

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Any rules they was  
Was 'bout eradicated  
Back in '45