# AH! Just Imagine The Lucky Girl To Marry Up With THIS Fine Fellow! What Joy! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 21, 2006, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604 "2006-04-21T13:09:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/1 "2006-04-21T13:09:22Z")
> [@](#): > > BRAY, Okla. - A man has caused an uproar in this southwestern Oklahoma town by advertising in an unusual manner that he’d like to pay for a virgin to be his bride. > > A sign that 45-year-old Michael Thelemann posted in his yard Sunday said that he’ll pay $1,000 for a virgin bride between the ages of 12 and 24. And what girl wouldn’t be flattered by _that_ offer? [LINK TO ARTICLE](http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/0420VirginAd20-ON.html) > [@](#): > > The new sign also noted he’s not interested in a “pig-worshipping, heathen, white-supremacist wife.” Well, that’s just _pickey_. 😛 This Ultra-Monkey needs a flogging. The Pit is generously gifted with suitable qualified people. LET THE DOG-PILE _BEGIN_! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/2 "2006-04-21T13:13:01Z")
Now _waaait_ a second. He’s a pig, but he _doesn’t_ want a pig worshiper? I’m confused. ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/3 "2006-04-21T13:14:26Z")
He wants a Christian woman, but is infact himself divorced. Won’t that make him an adulterer? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/4 "2006-04-21T13:23:15Z")
Well hell, I’m 44, male, not a virgin, and I pray to ham. But for a thousand bucks? I can change! Where do I sign up? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/5 "2006-04-21T13:23:32Z")
The lower end of the age scale he stipulates is disquieting. Otherwise, I don’t see how what he is doing is much different than placing a personal ad. Frankly, I think the guy is probably (excuse the clinical jargon) just a fucked-up, crazy old man. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/6 "2006-04-21T13:26:10Z")
Wow, $1000? Virgins are apparently going pretty cheap these days. ---
**Author:** ![myskepticsight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@myskepticsight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/myskepticsight)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/7 "2006-04-21T13:31:47Z")
He’s not asking for half his bride’s family’s cattle? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/8 "2006-04-21T13:40:04Z")
> [@myskepticsight](#): > > He’s not asking for half his bride’s family’s cattle? I think all the bull is on the Groom’s side of the family. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/9 "2006-04-21T13:41:29Z")
> [@myskepticsight](#): > > He’s not asking for half his bride’s family’s cattle? No, kidding. He was obviously born in the wrong place. If he had gotten it right, people would have paid him to marry their virgin daughter. ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/10 "2006-04-21T14:02:07Z")
I’ll pay $1500! Anyone else reminded of the SNL(MadTV?) Millionaire parody sketch with Harry Connick, Jr. titled, “Who wants to be groped by an eleven-thousandaire”? -Joe ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/11 "2006-04-21T14:06:40Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Frankly, I think the guy is probably (excuse the clinical jargon) just a fucked-up, crazy old man. 45 is old? Crap. Way to ruin my morning! ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/12 "2006-04-21T14:11:10Z")
> [@](#): > > As of Wednesday, no one had taken up Thelemann on his offer,… :eek: REALLY?!?! ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/13 "2006-04-21T14:13:06Z")
> [@Seven](#): > > :eek: > > REALLY?!?! Well, all the kids were still in school. _shudder_ ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/14 "2006-04-21T14:23:15Z")
> [@](#): > > “I’m just somebody who is getting up there in years, and I’m looking for a born-again, God-fearing virgin between the ages of 12 and 24 who can bear me children,” said Thelemann, who was divorced in 1989. “What’s the problem? I just think I have some wicked neighbors.” Poor guy. What kind of a world is it when you have to _advertise_ to find a twelve-year-old virgin to marry and then your neighbors criticize you for it? What a wicked, wicked world we live in. Why, think of the joys of raising your own wife! Young enough to brain-wash, and you have the joys of watching her get her first job, learn to drive a car, and she’ll be the only girl at graduation who has a husband old enough to have watched the moon landing live on TV. When she bears children, you have the start of your very own cult. Who could ask for anything more? ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/15 "2006-04-21T14:25:07Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Wow, $1000? Virgins are apparently going pretty cheap these days. Well shoot! :: counts pocket change :: Hey, anyone wanna move to Utah with me? I’ve got $234.63 in my checking account right now. . . Tripler We’ll split it–you get Tuesdays & Thursdays. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/16 "2006-04-21T15:31:16Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > Well shoot! :: counts pocket change :: > > Hey, anyone wanna move to Utah with me? I’ve got $234.63 in my checking account right now. . . > > Tripler > We’ll split it–you get Tuesdays & Thursdays. Wait wait wait…you’re only putting up 23.4% of the fees, but you want her 71.4% of the time? Better hope you get at least two other takers for this arrangement. Tastelessness warning: Of course, only _one_ of you is going to get a virgin. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/17 "2006-04-21T15:45:28Z")
This is brilliant! Just think, in three years all the fun he’s going to have when his wife brings the other high school girls over to frolic in the pool, watch them wash his car in their bikinis and fun girl things like that! Slumber parties, pillow fights… I think he’s the beginning of a new trend. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/18 "2006-04-21T15:47:27Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > Who could ask for anything more? Fred Phelps? ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/19 "2006-04-21T15:47:31Z")
Why would anyone want to marry a virgin? Give me a dirty girl from Las Vegas any day… ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2006, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604/20 "2006-04-21T15:53:32Z")
It’s really only the age group he’s interested in that bothers me. Isn’t it illegal to try to pay for sex with children? Is there some kind of solicitation charge this creep could be charged with? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-just-imagine-the-lucky-girl-to-marry-up-with-this-fine-fellow-what-joy/353604.md?page=2)