# Ah, young love... or, people (perhaps stupidly) getting married young. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 20, 2018, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798 "2018-04-20T17:20:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/21 "2018-04-21T02:15:08Z")
> [@seal\_cleaner](#): > > My wife’s parents. Married when he was 15, she was 13. Together for 60 years, ended only when he died. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/22 "2018-04-21T02:32:14Z")
> [@seal\_cleaner](#): > > My wife’s parents. Married when he was 15, she was 13. Together for 60 years, ended only when he died. That’s shocking nowadays, but not so long ago, it was actually fairly common (and as disastrous as one might imagine). Glad that one apparently worked out. My maternal grandmother’s parents got married shortly after 1900, when they were both 16. No, she wasn’t pregnant; they had the first of their 9 children three years later. They too were together until he died in an accident when he was about 60 years old. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/23 "2018-04-21T02:33:16Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > That does seem disastrous. If nothing else, try to beat it into his head to wait at least 2 years before knocking her up. Or better yet, not impregnating her at all. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/24 "2018-04-21T04:28:49Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > Thirded. Definitely sounds like he’s on the autism spectrum. This would add extra difficulty since it may be harder to reason with him. > > I would suggest not trying to prevent the marriage. He’s already decided and any objections will just turn him against you. Instead, make an effort to be there for him and talk with you about the many problems which are sure to pop up in this marriage. Don’t tell him what to do (e.g. You should get divorced). Rather, say things that make him think that things aren’t working out (e.g. That does sound troublesome. That’s not how I would think marriage would be. etc). Hopefully he’ll come to the conclusion that the marriage isn’t worth it and he decides to divorce. I’m with you right up to “say things that make him think that things aren’t working out”. Why not just be supportive and see what happens? It might work out in the long run. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/25 "2018-04-21T04:49:03Z")
Lancia, you didn’t say if they had set a date. Have they? ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/26 "2018-04-21T06:20:34Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > Thirded. Definitely sounds like he’s on the autism spectrum. This would add extra difficulty since it may be harder to reason with him. > > I would suggest not trying to prevent the marriage. He’s already decided and any objections will just turn him against you. Instead, make an effort to be there for him and talk with you about the many problems which are sure to pop up in this marriage. Don’t tell him what to do (e.g. You should get divorced). Rather, say things that make him think that things aren’t working out (e.g. That does sound troublesome. That’s not how I would think marriage would be. etc). Hopefully he’ll come to the conclusion that the marriage isn’t worth it and he decides to divorce. Why come up with strategies for sabotaging someone’s marriage? Especially when (presumably) you don’t know any of the people involved - or even if you do. It strikes me as a particularly disrespectful and oddly callous thing to say. And… Problems are “sure to pop up”? Where did you buy the crystal ball? Can I get one too? ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/27 "2018-04-21T11:24:18Z")
In 1980, I found myself alone with a girl after a party was over. We knew each other in passing, but that was all. The next morning we woke up together and went to breakfast. We moved in together before the week was over, and I proposed within the first month. I was 22, she was 21. We’re still married 38 years later, so I guess it works out sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/28 "2018-04-21T11:59:47Z")
I spent one summer in Europe and shortly after I arrived my sister met a guy. The relationship went from just meeting to engaged before I got back to the States three months later. I remember telling her that it would be nice if she delayed the wedding long enough that I might meet her fiancee before the wedding. They are still married all these years later. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/29 "2018-04-21T12:46:29Z")
> [@Lancia](#): > > One reason I’m so worried, I think, is that my nephew has a very… one dimensional way of looking at the world. Everything is black and white, nothing is on a spectrum. sounds like _he_ is, as a couple of others have pointed out. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/30 "2018-04-21T14:05:33Z")
> [@DavidwithanR](#): > > Why come up with strategies for sabotaging someone’s marriage? Especially when (presumably) you don’t know any of the people involved - or even if you do. It strikes me as a particularly disrespectful and oddly callous thing to say. > > And… Problems are “sure to pop up”? Where did you buy the crystal ball? Can I get one too? Perhaps just from personal experience of seeing people who keep trying to stick it out in relationships that don’t work. Anyone can make a marriage last a lifetime, but that doesn’t mean they should. This couple does not seem right for each other and I would be very surprised if this will be a healthy relationship. So my previous advice should have the caveat that you should evaluate the situation and decide what to do. If the wife is having affairs and siphoning his money dry, don’t encourage him to work it out. But if he’s mad that she’s not loading the dishwasher right, try to get him to compromise. ---
**Author:** ![Lancia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lancia/32/17174_2.png) [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/31 "2018-04-21T15:32:17Z")
I talked to my wife last night about the possibility of my nephew being autistic. She was an IA in a special needs classroom for years before transitioning to a pre-K private childcare center. I figured she’d have a better answer than I would about the autism question. She said that no, he’s never been evaluated and in her opinion isn’t autistic. His weird outlook on the world, she thinks, can be explained by 1) his extreme shyness (so he never really dealt with people outside of his family or church), and 2) the fact that his dad is wired similarly. I’m not sure I buy that 100%, but she’s a better judge of such things than I am. I’m certainly not going to try to talk him out of the wedding. For one thing, since he’s so damn twitterpated right now I doubt I could find 5 minutes to talk to him without her hanging on his shoulder. But more importantly it’s not my place. As I noted upthread if I knew I could take him aside and convince him to wait a while and actually get to know this woman better before committing a lifetime to her I would. But I can’t; he’s in too deep. They _have_ set a date, September 29. So that means from first date to getting hitched will be a bit under 8 months, having known each other for less than a year. > [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Well before we got married our pastor had us go thru required pre-marital counseling. > > Many churches do this and it often goes very deep and they will sometimes have to tell a couple they cannot do this marriage. > > So I suggest counseling. Since she’s been married once before the church they attend may strongly recommend that. I’m not sure how beneficial it is—my wife and I went through non-religious pre-marital counseling and we both considered it a waste of time—but hey, any port in a storm. Perhaps I’m being overly peevish about this whole thing. As I think back on my own relationship with my wife I’m not so sure we were a helluva lot different. I was actually younger than him when I met my now-wife; I had just turned 19. We did the whole lets-get-married-but-don’t-tell-anyone-about-the-engagement 4 months into it and announced our engagement a year or so later. But we waited two years to get married and lived with each other that whole time. We both worked full-time jobs and my wife had been living on her own for a year or two when I met her. I like to think we were both emotionally more mature than my nephew is, but what do I know? I’m currently a graduate student and a few weeks ago started putting together a committee for my thesis. Everything seems to be stressing me out more than usual so maybe I’m just not being objective. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/32 "2018-04-21T16:24:51Z")
Two people at my secondary school got married to each other aged 16/17\*. Proper sweethearts from a young age, and still together thirty-odd years later. I don’t know them well, but it seems to have worked for them. - and it wasn’t a pregnancy-must-get-married thing either ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/33 "2018-04-21T17:48:41Z")
Good luck with your thesis **Lancia**! Try not to worry about your nephew too much. He’s set the wedding 8 months from now, which I think gives them still more time to get acquainted. Focus on what’s in front of you right now. You’ve got a lot on your plate! ---
**Author:** ![PoppaSan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/poppasan/32/189_2.png) [@PoppaSan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoppaSan)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/34 "2018-04-21T19:15:39Z")
I have three brothers and their first and only wives all married before age twenty and still married 35-45 years later. 1-3 year courtships during or soon after high school in all three cases. I got engaged 4 months after I met my wife 30 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/35 "2018-04-21T22:22:45Z")
> [@StGermain](#): > > :eek: Initially, the :eek:offended me, but I decided to expand on my post rather than escort this thread to the Pit. They grew up on substinence farms in rural Arkansas in the 1930’s. Neither went to school past 6th grade because they had to help feed the families by working the land. Really, it was an entirely different society. My father in law became a millionaire by dint of his work ethic and native intelligence. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/36 "2018-04-21T22:25:34Z")
Lancia, was this boy home-schooled or did he always attend a school affiliated with his church, and his childhood social life was centered around it too? Are you willing to say what denomination it is? ---
**Author:** ![diggerwam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/919ad9/32.png) [@diggerwam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/diggerwam)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/37 "2018-04-21T22:42:26Z")
Graduated college mothers day 1992, got married Aug 1st, turned 22 three weeks later. I knew her my entire 4 years in college, but still married young and still together. once I got together with her there was absolutely no reason to look anywhere else. So, figured we’d make it legal. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/38 "2018-04-21T23:36:45Z")
> [@pullin](#): > > In 1980, I found myself alone with a girl after a party was over. We knew each other in passing, but that was all. The next morning we woke up together and went to breakfast. We moved in together before the week was over, and I proposed within the first month. I was 22, she was 21. > > We’re still married 38 years later, so I guess it works out sometimes. Wow. ---
**Author:** ![Lancia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lancia/32/17174_2.png) [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2018, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/39 "2018-04-21T23:46:18Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Lancia, was this boy home-schooled or did he always attend a school affiliated with his church, and his childhood social life was centered around it too? > > Are you willing to say what denomination it is? He actually went to public school—a conservative, small town public school, but a public school nonetheless. They’re Pentecostal, which I’m sure surprises nobody. My wife wonders if they’re getting married just so they can fuck each other without it being, in their eyes, a sin. ---
**Author:** ![ZonexandScout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zonexandscout/32/544_2.png) [@ZonexandScout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZonexandScout)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2018, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798/40 "2018-04-22T13:16:12Z")
I’ve been in many wedding parties and attended the weddings of a large number of friends. I make it a point of pride that I have personally advised every single groom to leave right before the ceremony. “I’d advise you to run. Leave right now. I’ll tell her what happened, and I’ll even take your tux back to the rental place. Just get in your car and drive. I know what I’m talking about.” Eventually this gets back to the bride and I get in some hot water. I am usually able to explain that this was a great test to ensure her husband’s commitment. After all, he went through with it, didn’t he, even after my sage advice? Except that two guys did exactly what I advised. When I drink with them nowadays, I never have to get out my wallet. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ah-young-love-or-people-perhaps-stupidly-getting-married-young/812798.md?page=3)