# Ahh, the Wisdom of Toddlers (or: Auntie EM's Big Vagina) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 29, 2003, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264 "2003-05-29T14:17:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/1 "2003-05-29T14:17:23Z")
So this past weekend **SkipMagic** (my betrothed, for those of you who don’t know) and I went to L.A. for a wedding, and stayed with some friends of mine who have two girls, ages 2 and 3. Amazingly adorable kids. But I digress. On the first morning we woke up there, the girls (who are trained to stay downstairs and play until Mommy and Daddy wake up) came into our bedroom (also downstairs) to play with us. After awhile, they left, and **Skip** went to take a shower. Five minutes later, the 3-year-old returned. “Where’s your brother?” she asked. “Ummm,” I answered, confused, “I don’t have a brother.” “Yes you do,” she grinned. “He’s in the shower!” “Ohhhhhh, my BROTHER,” I said, having now gotten a clue. “Yes. He’s in the shower.” Next came the 2-year-old. “Where’s your daddy?” she asked. By now I was an old pro. “He’s taking a shower,” I answered, thinking, "Ahhhh, the innocence of children . . . " The innocence ended when it was MY turn to bathe. I chose a different bathroom, because I didn’t want to get my hair wet, so I needed a bathtub as opposed to a shower. _My_ bathroom was lacking a lock on the door, so during my bath I was visited several times by the 3-year-old (who would then walk out and leave the door wide open–I’d step out of the tub and close it, and the whole game would start all over again). When she walked in the first time, she took one look at me sitting in the tub and happily exclaimed, “You’re a mommy!” I explained that no, I was not a mommy. “You have boobies,” she countered. Once again, I was back on the Train of Toddler Logic, so I didn’t argue, I simply agreed that yes, I did have boobies. We had a lovely chat thereafter, and she instructed me on how to “make bubbles” (this was a jacuzzi tub). When I stood up to dry off, she noted with glee: “You have a vagina!” I said, “Yes, I do, and thank goodness for that!” {Note: No offense to those of you who do not have vaginas. ;)} Her eyes widened. “You have a BIG vagina,” she declared with a tinge of awe. I didn’t know how to answer that one, so I simply said, “Thank you.” Later, I told her parents about our little exchange. Apparently she’s undergoing a fascination with genitalia (and the differences in boys and girls) right now. So much so, in fact, that both girls call their father “Penis Boy”. So I suppose it could have been worse for me . . . at least I didn’t get any lingering nicknames out of my (apparently) giant coochie. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/2 "2003-05-29T14:21:34Z")
Who says you didn’t get any lingering nicknames, **Auntie “Super Coochie” Em**? ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/3 "2003-05-29T14:28:18Z")
The MOAHH The Mother of All Hoo-Hahs. you should be proud. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/4 "2003-05-29T14:36:21Z")
> [@](#): > > So much so, in fact, that both girls call their father “Penis Boy”. 😃 The therapy bills a few years down the road are gonna be something else… ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/5 "2003-05-29T14:37:53Z")
I am proud, **beagledave** , I am proud. This is a milestone for Black women everywhere. 😃 And I like SuperCoochie, **Shibb** , but a name like that just _begs_ for a theme song, don’t you think? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/6 "2003-05-29T14:41:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JRDelirious \* > \*\*😃 The therapy bills a few years down the road are gonna be something else… \*\* Yes, but are we talking about therapy for the girls or for Penis Boy? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/7 "2003-05-29T14:45:10Z")
GREAT story, **Super Coochie**!! - (hey, **Shibb** started it!! what? oh! ow! ow! ow! okay - I’ll stop!!) Ah yes - the Bluntness of the Innocent - joyful, no? If I may, I actually have a related story: My son, Jake and I were visiting my wife’s relatives for Christmas when Jake was about 3 1/2. At one point, the whole family was in the “great room” (a big den) and I had to use the bathroom. So I get up and Jake - being in “All Daddy All the Time” mode - jumps up to follow me saying “are you going potty? I have to go potty, too!”. Since he was just getting a lock on potty training, I was happy to oblige - for some father-son bonding, fascination-with-genitalia types of reasons, he considered peeing with Daddy a big deal. So we both go pee, but he is much faster than me and re-velcros his pants (ah, to be 3 again) and is about to open the door. “JAKE - WAIT! Don’t open the door!” “Why not?” “Because Daddy isn’t done - if you open the door, people might look in.” “Yeah - I bet they would!” (hunh?!?) “uh, Jake - what do you mean? why do you think they would look in?” “Because your penis is so BIG!” I just about died laughing and thanked Jake profusely, although he didn’t quite understand why… ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/8 "2003-05-29T14:58:44Z")
Back atcha on the great story, **WordMan**! But uh . . . I’m not sure a big coochie carries the same clout as a big penis (except, maybe, with 3-year-old girls). ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/9 "2003-05-29T15:07:34Z")
_Hey, that thing’s as big as a house! Hey, that thing’s as big as a house! Hey, that thing’s as big as a house! Hey, that thing’s as big as a house! Hey, that thing’s as big as a house!_ ---
**Author:** ![lauramarlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a5b964/32.png) [@lauramarlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lauramarlane)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/10 "2003-05-29T15:13:17Z")
Damn, what an echo! ---
**Author:** ![lauramarlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a5b964/32.png) [@lauramarlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lauramarlane)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/11 "2003-05-29T15:14:38Z")
so, Super Coochie, are you going to get a cape? Would you wear crotchless tights? I’m thinking you should have a porn movie music type theme song. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/12 "2003-05-29T15:18:51Z")
Womb with a view… That’s all, just felt like sayin’ “womb with a view.” ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/13 "2003-05-29T15:28:39Z")
“I can see for miles and miles I can see for miles and miles I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles Oh yeah” –Brother/Father **Skip** The Who **Magic** ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/14 "2003-05-29T15:39:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > [B–Brother/Father **Skip** The Who **Magic** \*\* _Livin’ on the Edge_ ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/15 "2003-05-29T16:05:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Otto \* > \*\*Womb with a view… > > That’s all, just felt like sayin’ “womb with a view.” \*\* HAAAAAAhahahahaha! The foliage is lovely this time of year. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/16 "2003-05-29T16:08:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Homebrew \* > \*\*_Livin’ on the Edge_ \*\* 😃 ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/17 "2003-05-29T16:21:01Z")
**Word Man** , I have a story nearly identical to yours - except he repeated the “Daddy’s got a big penis” mantra to our guests. Unfortunately, my wife was the only attractive woman there, and she knew better…:o ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/18 "2003-05-29T16:26:29Z")
I’ve told this story before, but it’s one of my favorites so just skip this post if you’ve heard it before. I used to bathe my toddler twins together until I had this following exchange with my son during their bath: Son: Mommy! Mommy! Oh no! Look! Me: Whatsa matter? Son: Look! Eb’s penis! It’s _broken_! Yeah, his poor twin sister with her broken penis. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/19 "2003-05-29T16:45:20Z")
Similarly, my then two-year old son informed my boss that I have hair on my penis. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/20 "2003-05-29T16:53:58Z")
_“Waiter…”_ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264.md?page=2)