# Ahh, the Wisdom of Toddlers (or: Auntie EM's Big Vagina) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 29, 2003, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264 "2003-05-29T14:17:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/41 "2003-05-30T18:15:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*\*She’s a giant coochie girl . . . > The kind would swallow up your muh-thahh . . . \* > \*\* (down to her feet) She will never take her panties down Once you get her on the street. That girl’s pretty wide now… (that girls Super Coochie!) ---
**Author:** ![bayonet1976](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/77aa72/32.png) [@bayonet1976](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bayonet1976)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/42 "2003-05-30T18:23:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*Hell, maybe I really do simply have a gigantic pootie. 😕 \*\* For comparison purposes only of course: pic? It had to be said. ---
**Author:** ![bayonet1976](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/77aa72/32.png) [@bayonet1976](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bayonet1976)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/43 "2003-05-30T18:28:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*Hell, maybe I really do simply have a gigantic pootie. 😕 \*\* For comparison purposes only of course: pic? It had to be said. ---
**Author:** ![bernse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@bernse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bernse)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/44 "2003-05-30T18:35:11Z")
> [@](#): > > We had a lovely chat thereafter, and she instructed me on how to “make bubbles” (this was a jacuzzi tub). Thanks for putting the little disclaimer in there! **Funny** as a hell thread, BTW! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/45 "2003-05-30T18:39:48Z")
Auntie Em, I’m sorry…its just that its Friday…and…and… that Evil Rick James made me do it. Besides, in my house I have my own Super Hero to worry about. When my son was 4, he thought nothing of running naked from the bath over to me in another room to ask me questions (its how he starts conversations). One time I told him “Hey! You’re not dressed. Go get some clothes on. I don’t want to talk to someone whose all ‘Nudey’.” He laghed & ran back into his room where his mom dressed him. The next time he took a bath when I was in another room, I heard “Daddy…oh Daddy…!”. So I walked into the hall to take a look, and there he is, stark naked, with a bath towel tied as a cape about his neck. He then uttered the famous line: “Look, Daddy! I’m Nudey Boy!!!” (It was the theatrical flourish that made me roll on the floor laughing, however…) ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/46 "2003-05-30T18:40:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*Hell, maybe I really do simply have a gigantic pootie. 😕 \*\* \*Strains and refrains… …from… posting… !\* ---
**Author:** ![hedra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/779978/32.png) [@hedra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hedra)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/47 "2003-05-30T20:00:13Z")
My son Gabe was overheard at my mom’s house consoling his female cousin (both of them 3), saying in his kindest ‘it will be okay’ voice, “Don’t worry, you’ll have a penis when you grow up.” _Um, not the way you think, dear boy!_ (assuming she’s straight) Fortunately, she wasn’t at all bothered by the relative lack, but he felt sorry for her anyway (it being a favorite toy and all…) I still smile about that one. I’ve also been asked 1) where mine was (like, is it hiding somewhere?), 2) why girls don’t have one, too, and why his and his daddy’s are A) different sizes, and B) different shapes (circumcised daddy, not circumcised son). Fortunately, the questions are easily answered with basic facts (1: I don’t have one, I’m a girl; 2: girls have inside parts instead of outside parts; A: Daddy’s whole body is bigger; B: if you pull your foreskin back, they look the same, we just didn’t have that part removed from yours). Oh, and why it gets big sometimes. I think we just told him that’s what penises do. I wish I’d thought of the ‘it wakes up before you do’ thing. 😃 Not to mention the baby questions (we haven’t gotten to how babies get _in_ there, but we have discussed how they get out…) So far, the minimal but factual answer seems the appropriate one (all the way up to 5 1/2 years old). My mom is all for full disclosure the minute the first question is asked, but they just mash up the answers, it seems. Short, simple, relevant. Seems to work. I still think he might end up going into gynecology - he never failed to get into the speculum tray at the doctor’s office… ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/48 "2003-05-30T20:39:30Z")
“Who’s the black private parts Goin’ round breaking hearts? COOCH! Damn right!” ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/49 "2003-05-30T20:39:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jlzania \* > \*\*According to Mike, about 100 Shriners (or so it seemed) turned simultaneously and began moving towards them. > B] No sense running; they’ll just chase you down in their little cars. ---
**Author:** ![easy\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb8c5e/32.png) [@easy\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/easy_e)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/50 "2003-05-30T20:57:07Z")
In my human sexuality class, we had a couple lectures on sex ed, and what we would tell our children, should we become parents. Our professor advised us to use “vulva” rather than vagina, as the vagina is really an internal organ and can’t be seen (and we don’t teach boys about their seminiferous tubules). ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/51 "2003-05-30T20:59:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Max Carnage \* > \*\*“Who’s the black private parts > Goin’ round breaking hearts? > COOCH! > Damn right!” \*\* Dear God, I am laughing so hard right now that my coworkers must think I’m in here being attacked by badgers (er . . . beavers?). I think I love you. 😃 😃 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/52 "2003-05-30T21:02:43Z")
Not to mention the Mystic Gold Wings(four exclamation points) Oh, my gosh, look out for the guy with the huge fez! ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/53 "2003-05-30T21:06:41Z")
> [@](#): > > Our professor advised us to use “vulva” rather than vagina… Everytime I hear the word “vulva”, I see a yuppie housewife in a boxy green sedan with two bratty kids in the back. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/54 "2003-05-30T21:28:48Z")
Heh! **jlzania** , when I was in college, I was a member of the **Genital Posse** ™ (don’t ask). One of the gals in the room next door was “Vulva”. She does have twins now, but I don’t know what kind of car she drives. FTR, my roommate was Vagina, I was Penis, Vulva’s roommate was Hymen, and our friend down the hall was Lips. Oh, and my boyfriend at the time was Testicles (so that he and I could hang together). Ahhh, the wisdom of college students . . . ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/55 "2003-05-30T22:10:55Z")
> [@](#): > > Heh! jlzania, when I was in college, I was a member of the Genital Posse™ \*\*(don’t ask). \*\* (Bolding mine.) Oh come on auntie em-you just can’t throw something like that out to the masses and then say “don’t ask.” Diss the dirt. Diss the dirt. ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/56 "2003-05-30T22:29:30Z")
Vulva is the word we used, when paidhi girl asked about the difference between her and her brother. I figured it would be a bit more complicated to try and point out her vagina. I really don’t see how accurate names for body parts is “too much information” or not letting a kid be a kid, myself, but I guess that’s just me. And fortunately I haven’t had moments like the ones described in the thread… ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/57 "2003-05-30T23:17:08Z")
Guys, this thread has me in frickin’ STITCHES. Bravo. 🙂 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Krisfer the Cat \* > \*\*My son went through that same phase at about 3 as well. > I remember him demanding! that my mother show him her clit… this was of course after informing her that her didnt have a penis… \*\* Not that it’s any of my business, but a 3 year old who knows what a “clit” is? Isn’t that reserved to the advance course for circa 13 year olds? I sure didn’t know what that was at three, and depening on whom you ask, some may claim I still don’t. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/58 "2003-05-30T23:50:29Z")
> [@](#): > > I, not having (or planning to have) kids, wondered what in the hell a parent does when kids ask questions of a “certain nature”? My mother said it’s possible to answer the questions without telling the kid more than a kid should know (which, IMO, is subjective, but whatever). Well, you sort of have to pay attention. My son (around age 3 or 4) actually pulled the old, “Where did I come from?” when what he wanted to know was that he was born in Atlanta. ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/59 "2003-05-31T00:13:25Z")
I appreciate that vulva is the proper terminology and all, \*\* Bren\_Cameron\*\* but the sound of it cracks me up. Vulllvaaaa. I have a vulllvaaa. Just doesn’t roll off my tongue for some reason. Back to topic: my 6 year old god-child spent the night with us this weekend. We were feeding the herd when Lightning, the mighty mini- mule decided to dingle his dangle in the breeze. It’s half pink/half black ,disproportionately large for his stature and totally noticeable. “What’s that, Auntie?” pipes up the godchild. Not wanting to put her off penises (peni?) for the rest of her natural born days I replied, “Hey-look over there! What’s that chicken doing? What do you mean you don’t see it? Let’s go look!” Chickens are always a safe distraction. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/60 "2003-05-31T02:33:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > \*\*Guys, this thread has me in frickin’ STITCHES. Bravo. :)Not that it’s any of my business, but a 3 year old who knows what a “clit” is? Isn’t that reserved to the advance course for circa 13 year olds? > > I sure didn’t know what that was at three, and depening on whom you ask, some may claim I still don’t. \*\* Well Coldfire its sorta like this… my husband and I are ummmm not committed to wearing lots of clothes at all times. Nor do we close the bathroom door so ever since he could crawl he has wondered in and out of there at all times. ( He did open the bedroom door once during sex and I about had to peel the hubby off of the ceiling… but thats another thread story) So he noticed VERY early that Mommy and himself were VERY different. I didn’t want to teach him “boys have penises and girls have vaginas” for two reasons. 1- Everytime he said it I would have images of Arnold Schwartzenegger(however its spelled) and that was more than I could cope with! 2- Vaginas are internal… he wasn’t **seeing** my vagina… but he was seeing something that kinda, sorta looked like a penis. And for really wierd the first time he walked in during my period was fun… I had hysterical child absolutely sure Mommy was bleeding to death screaming loud enough I was sure the neighbors would hear. I semi calmly finished cleaning up then held him and hugged him and told him that I was all right. I told him that sometimes Mommys bleed and it was all right. It didn’t hurt ( well I lied there but…) and he didn’t need to worry about it. I agree with the opinion already voiced that giving children proper names is not too much information. And answering their questions in short basic info is never wrong. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264.md?page=4)