# Ahh, the Wisdom of Toddlers (or: Auntie EM's Big Vagina) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 29, 2003, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264 "2003-05-29T14:17:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/61 "2003-05-31T02:46:43Z")
Well, my son sure saw clits when he was young. He never asked me what they were called. I guess he just figured they were just broken penisii. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/62 "2003-05-31T03:07:08Z")
I’m hooting at the Genital Posse! I wish we’d thought of that. All we did was frequently mix up drinks in the girl-with-a-blender’s dorm room … our favorite: the Penis Colada. ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/63 "2003-05-31T03:18:07Z")
> [@](#): > > Um, no, but is this your boogie board? Yeah, but, er…you can keep it. 😃 As for the little girl…well, isn’t curiosity a sign of intelligence? Oh, and one more thing. Y’all are a bunch of filthy, disgusting perverts. I love you all. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![SnoopyFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d07c76/32.png) [@SnoopyFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnoopyFan)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/64 "2003-05-31T03:48:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Max Carnage \* > \*\*“Who’s the black private parts > Goin’ round breaking hearts? > COOCH! > Damn right!” \*\* Who’s got the cooch that can leap tall buildings in a single bound? (EM!!) Can ya dig it? Who’s the cooch that won’t cop out when there’s penises all about (COOCH!) Right on You see this big choochie is a bad mother– (Shut your mouth) But I’m talkin’ about Cooch! (Then we can dig it) It’s a big gigantic cooch and no one understands it but her gyno ---
**Author:** ![SnoopyFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d07c76/32.png) [@SnoopyFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnoopyFan)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/65 "2003-05-31T19:45:20Z")
I thought it was funny anyway … ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2003, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/66 "2003-06-01T02:05:11Z")
Poor Snoop. It’s funny! Of course, I’d probably think it was funnier if I knew what you were parodying. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![peri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/67e7ee/32.png) [@peri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peri)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2003, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/67 "2003-06-01T02:46:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ellen Cherry \* > \*\*Poor Snoop. It’s funny! Of course, I’d probably think it was funnier if I knew what you were parodying. 😉 \*\* SHAFT! Which makes it even funnier. ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2003, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/68 "2003-06-01T05:19:37Z")
This thread is cracking me up! Okay here’s my little story. I know this little boy named Dakota who is 5 years old, and his older brothers taught him a lot of dirty stuff. He’ll grab boobs and go “honk honk!” and that sort of thing. Once he drew a picture of my friend naked under the covers and said “Thats you naked with me under the covers!” So one day at school, they had corn dogs for lunch. He took the corn stuff off of the outside and put ketchup on the end of the hotdog. He then put it between his legs while shouting, “look guys! My weenie’s bleeding! My weenie’s bleeding!” He promptly got sent to the principal’s office. ---
**Author:** ![it\_sjustme](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/da6949/32.png) [@it\_sjustme](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/it_sjustme)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2003, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/69 "2003-06-01T08:03:49Z")
Oh **SnoopyFan** that was hysterical! Just last week, for something completely unrelated, I looked up the lyrics to Shaft and you parodied them perfectly. I bow to you! And, of course, to you too, **Super Cooch**! ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/70 "2003-06-02T11:48:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SnoopyFan \* > \*\*Who’s got the cooch > that can leap tall buildings in a single bound? > (EM!!) > Can ya dig it? > > Who’s the cooch that won’t cop out > when there’s penises all about > (COOCH!) > Right on > > You see this big choochie is a bad mother– > (Shut your mouth) > But I’m talkin’ about Cooch! > (Then we can dig it) > > It’s a big gigantic cooch > and no one understands it but her gyno \*\* That settles it. For her next birthday, I’m getting **auntie em** a long, black leather coat and a gun. John Shaft has _nothing_ on Auntie Coochie! ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/71 "2003-06-02T14:22:29Z")
Uh, **Skip** , shouldn’t that be, like, a leather _thong_ or something? Far be it from me to toot my own horn, but I’m loving this thread, too! 😃 Now, where to start with the responses . . . ? First of all, **SnoopyFan** , your talent is unmatched! This line had me in stitches: > [@](#): > > It’s a big gigantic cooch > and no one understands it but her gyno . . . Second of all, **jlzania** , the Genital Posse (“The G . . . the E . . . the N . . . the I . . . the T . . . the A . . . the L–it’s the Genitaaaaaaaaaal POSSE!” [cue human beat box]) story is not really all that thrilling. My freshman year roommate and I were talking late at night, half asleep (and probably drunk), and one of us posited that if the word “penis” didn’t mean what it did, somebody would have named a kid that by now. We had fun making up scenarios: “Penis Jethro Jones! You get your hand out of your pants and wash up for dinner!” That led to a conversation about how my brother used to think that “Virginia” was the term for female genitalia. So basically, he was running around (until he was about 20 years old, I might add) thinking that two states _and our grandma_ had been named after puntang (sp?)! More scenarios ensued: “Where’re ya from?” “West Vagina. And you?” “We’re from Boston, but my wife, Vagina, just passed through your neck of the woods on the way to a conference.” Anyway, at one point, my roommate said somethingorother utterly shocking, and in my own little twirly brain I gasped and called her name in a “Shame On You!” tone, but in the Larger World of Reality I gasped and called out, “Vagina!” Woops. Talk about a Freudian slip! :eek: At any rate, because of the conversation we’d been having, she started calling me Penis . . . and thus, the Genital Posse was born. Oh, and **Krisfer the Cat** , the girls in the OP are also familiar with bleeding mommies. The last time I visited these friends (back in October of last year), Mommy and I took the girls out to lunch. We were all in the restroom, and the girls were in the stall with Mommy while she tinkled. From my stall, I could hear them saying, “Tampon? Mommy tampon? No tampon? Mommy where your tampon?” Apparently they saw her, um, “installing” one once, asked what it was, and from then on made a habit of checking for the tampon any time the opportunity arose. I definitely think that if I did have kids, I’d have the kind of kids asking me about my tampon in a public restroom and assessing the size of my houseguests’ genitalia. It’s the only way to roll; I mean, why have kids if not for the sheer entertainment value? 😛 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/72 "2003-06-02T14:24:40Z")
A story from a former CelynCo-worker (female) about her older brother. When co-worker was _very_ young, and being bathed by grandmother, the slightly older brother looked, and was horrified, shouting out “ohhhhhhh, she hasn’t got a willie” Then, sududenly brightening up, her said “never mind, she can have mine”. Now since the guy in question grew up to be tough policeman chap, and, indeed, to play rugby for Wales, I do wonder whether his sister eiher amused herself telling that tale to his friends OR blackmailed him. ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/73 "2003-06-02T14:51:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ellen Cherry \* > \*\*I’m hooting at the Genital Posse! I wish we’d thought of that. All we did was frequently mix up drinks in the girl-with-a-blender’s dorm room … our favorite: the Penis Colada. \*\* Penis and blender are not words that should be in the same sentence. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/74 "2003-06-02T15:14:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*Uh, **Skip** , shouldn’t that be, like, a leather _thong_ or something? \*\* Nah. For a vagina that big, you’re gonna need a whole coat to cover it. I mean, haven’t you been paying attention to this thread? I think you need to go back and read the OP. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Gazelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/75 "2003-06-02T15:25:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*_Hey, that thing’s as big as a house! > Hey, that thing’s as big as a house! > Hey, that thing’s as big as a house! > Hey, that thing’s as big as a house! > Hey, that thing’s as big as a house!_ \*\* Reminds me of that old joke. A man begins giving his girlfriend oral pleasure for the first time when he exclaims, “Damn, you got a big pussy! Damn, you got a big pussy!” “Why did you say it twice?” she replies. “I didn’t.” ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/76 "2003-06-02T16:21:53Z")
\*\* JeffB\*\* – every time I tell that story, that’s what some guy always says! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/77 "2003-06-02T19:01:18Z")
Man I step out for the weekend and auntie em thinks she loves me! And I love me some big ol’ vagina too 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/78 "2003-06-02T20:04:50Z")
Well, **Max** , I’m afraid that **Skip** gets first dibs, but it seems there’s room in there for (at least) two . . . 😉 ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/79 "2003-06-02T20:26:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*Well, **Max** , I’m afraid that **Skip** gets first dibs, but it seems there’s room in there for (at least) two . . . 😉 \*\* My suggestion, **Max**? When you go spleunking in the subterranean sex-slit of that SDMB scripter, you would do well to bring some rope–just in case you can’t find your way back. Oh, and forget not a flashlight. After all, I’ve been stuck here for months now. Thank God for wireless internet, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to post at all! ---
**Author:** ![Wolfgrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wolfgrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfgrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264/80 "2003-06-02T20:30:02Z")
**auntie em** , I bow to your splendiferous cooch, emblem of all womanhood. Maybe it’s the opposite of what someone else suggested - since you’re less hairy than her mom, it seems bigger because she can actually see it? Have to join in with my personal kids 'n genitalia story, even though it’s not really “mine.” (Well, we caught my [female] cousin touching herself once when she was 3, but she was fully clothed.) It’s from a girl I used to work with. She was at a family party when a 4-year-old - her nephew IIRC - came bounding through the room buck nekkid, swinging his penis around in his hand and singing “You Are My Sunshine.” I believe that most grown men do the same thing when nobody’s looking. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahh-the-wisdom-of-toddlers-or-auntie-ems-big-vagina/178264.md?page=5)