# Ahhh! Jumbo squid! Jumbo squid! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 25, 2007, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069 "2007-07-25T12:22:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/21 "2007-07-25T15:52:00Z")
[QUOTE=Rasa] (I have an irrational fear of giant squid.) [/QUOTE] I will agree that I see this fear as entirely rational. There is nothing the giant squid loves more than to wait until the middle of the night and then lead two subordinate squids into an unsuspecting person’s bedroom. Slowly, they squelch their way up the side of the bed; one of the subordinates takes up a position between the sleeping person’s feet, while the other settles on the chest. At a prearranged signal, the squid at the person’s feet wraps its tentacles around his or her ankles and then around the frame of the bed; at the same time the squid on the victim’s chest secures his or her wrists and forearms in the same manner. At this point, the victim immediately wakes up, and sees a squid sitting on his or her chest, and starts to scream. The scream is interrupted, however, when the leader squid, poised at the headboard, wraps a tentacle around the victim’s throat. The leader squid then eases down and squats over the victim’s face. Its tentacles slowly, slowly encircle the victim’s head, its hundreds of tiny-barbed suction cups biting into the flesh of his or her face, neck, ears, and scalp. The last thing the victim sees and feels before blacking out from lack of oxygen is the leader squid lowering itself and beginning to chew through his or her face with its bony beak. So, yeah. Totally rational. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/22 "2007-07-25T15:57:39Z")
Humboldt Squid scare me. I have no fear of sharks when diving, but a 6-foot squid? No thanks. Like I needed another reason not to dive in Monterrey. However, they are absolutely fascinating. I wouldn’t mind studying them if I had armor on, like one guy I saw on a TV show about the squid in the Sea of Cortez. FTR, the Mercury News article on the subject indicated the reduction of Tuna, which are both predators and competitors of the squid, could be responsible for the expanding of the range. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/23 "2007-07-25T16:17:27Z")
**Cervaise** , you utter bastard! You’re not supposed to reveal The Plan! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/24 "2007-07-25T16:25:37Z")
Tentacles. Why is it always _tentacles?!!_ ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/25 "2007-07-25T16:36:12Z")
I just realized I play as Blooper in Mario Party 8. **Rasa** just needs a fire plant next to the bed just in case. ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/26 "2007-07-25T16:59:33Z")
Is it my imagination or is the tone at the _New York Times_ always a little gleeful when there is something weird/bad/unfortunate going on in California? squidsquidsquid (I love that word.) ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/27 "2007-07-25T17:09:42Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] I will agree that I see this fear as entirely rational. There is nothing the giant squid loves more than to wait until the middle of the night and then lead two subordinate squids into an unsuspecting person’s bedroom. Slowly, they squelch their way up the side of the bed; one of the subordinates takes up a position between the sleeping person’s feet, while the other settles on the chest. At a prearranged signal, the squid at the person’s feet wraps its tentacles around his or her ankles and then around the frame of the bed; at the same time the squid on the victim’s chest secures his or her wrists and forearms in the same manner. At this point, the victim immediately wakes up, and sees a squid sitting on his or her chest, and starts to scream. The scream is interrupted, however, when the leader squid, poised at the headboard, wraps a tentacle around the victim’s throat. The leader squid then eases down and squats over the victim’s face. Its tentacles slowly, slowly encircle the victim’s head, its hundreds of tiny-barbed suction cups biting into the flesh of his or her face, neck, ears, and scalp. The last thing the victim sees and feels before blacking out from lack of oxygen is the leader squid lowering itself and beginning to chew through his or her face with its bony beak. So, yeah. Totally rational. [/QUOTE] Hudson, talk to me! ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/28 "2007-07-25T17:20:54Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] Tentacles. Why is it always _tentacles?!!_ [/QUOTE] I thought he said testic… ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/29 "2007-07-25T17:37:19Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] Not “fleeing” but following new food types as changes in upwellings have restricted their previous. That they can change what they eat is less astonishing than that they’ve moved from the warm, equatorial climes to even Arctic waters in order to do so. [/QUOTE] I’ll worry when the Landsquid knock on my door. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/30 "2007-07-25T18:43:52Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] Great. Now my brain is singing “Jumbo squid! Jumbo squid!” to the tune of that _Robin Hood_ theme song. [/QUOTE] If it helps, it’s running through my head to the “Spiderman” theme song. (Blame it on the\* Simpsons\* movie.) _Jumbo squid, jumbo squid, Does whatever a jumbo squid can…_ Also, thank you, **Cervaise** , I just finished getting over my nightmares of psychotic eyeless people (from that one _Futurama_ episode with all the alternate universes) and I needed fresh material. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/31 "2007-07-25T19:26:07Z")
[QUOTE=Kythereia] Also, thank you, **Cervaise** , I just finished getting over my nightmares of psychotic eyeless people (from that one _Futurama_ episode with all the alternate universes) and I needed fresh material. [/QUOTE] Don’t think of it that way. Just make up a huge batch of lightly seasoned batter, and keep it ready - then when then squid show up, you can use your nifty industrial quality paper shredder to turn them into calimari rings. Then just shovel 'em into the barrel of boiling oil you keep on the roof for the zombies, and you can have a great get-together for your whole neighborhood defense association. ---
**Author:** ![slitterst](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecc23a/32.png) [@slitterst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slitterst)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/32 "2007-07-25T19:35:12Z")
[QUOTE=Dag Otto] I’ll worry when the Landsquid knock on my door. [/QUOTE] Caaaalamarigram. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/33 "2007-07-25T22:35:29Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] Well, if anyone is prepared for a squid invasion, its us Dopers. [/QUOTE] Quick! Fortify the lighthouses! ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/34 "2007-07-25T22:43:06Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] … So, yeah. Totally rational. [/QUOTE] \ Gee. Thanks, **Cervaise**. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/35 "2007-07-25T22:55:57Z")
Then there’s that old chef’s hymn. Calamari, caught for me, I’ll saut-aaay me two or three. Bring the neighbors and their kids. Feed them all with giant squid. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/36 "2007-07-25T22:58:25Z")
I can’t believe none of you threw this in yet I, for one, welcome our new Jumbo Squid overlords . . . ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/37 "2007-07-25T23:07:31Z")
To Hell with swords and knives! If the _problem_ is **Squid** , then any true, initiatted, _Illuminated_ Doper knows that the _solution_ must be **Goat**! ARMED THE ORBITAL GOAT CANNONS! SCHNELL! ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/38 "2007-07-25T23:12:59Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] Quick! Fortify the lighthouses! [/QUOTE] How can you think of masturbation at a time like this? ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/39 "2007-07-25T23:19:45Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] How can you think of masturbation at a time like this? [/QUOTE] Well, the jumbo squid’s tentacles _are_ rather phallic: long, pinkish, swollen, fleshy, slimy, resting heavily across your face as you struggle in bed, the leader squid prying open your jaw, slipping a muscular tendril between your lips and down your throat… I mean, who _wouldn’t_ masturbate? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069/40 "2007-07-25T23:32:56Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] Well, the jumbo squid’s tentacles _are_ rather phallic: long, pinkish, swollen, fleshy, slimy, resting heavily across your face as you struggle in bed, the leader squid prying open your jaw, slipping a muscular tendril between your lips and down your throat… I mean, who _wouldn’t_ masturbate? [/QUOTE] Me. Ever again. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-jumbo-squid-jumbo-squid/413069.md?page=3)