# Ahhh, Karma.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [July 8, 2002, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920 "2002-07-08T15:28:39Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2002, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/1 "2002-07-08T15:28:39Z")
So yesterday I’m on the highway (headed home from the video store), and have just pulled onto the exit ramp, thankful to be out from behind the 50 mph buttsuck in the right-hand lane (it was one of those situations where it would’ve been an iffy proposition to try to pass her on the left, and still make my exit).
Stevie Wonder and I are having a great time singing our duet (_Jesus Children of America_) as we sail down the exit ramp, when WHOA! Here comes Ms. 50 mph, cutting onto the exit ramp in front of me, and forcing me to slam on the brakes! :mad:
Quite honestly, I don’t think she saw me, because it wasn’t one of those “Fuck you, I’m taking it” accelerated whip-in-fronts… it was totally a leisurely, clueless glide (sans blinker), as if she had no idea she’d almost gotten a BMW grill up her ass (in fact, I wondered at first if she weren’t just fishing for a CD in her glove compartment, and not paying attention to the road).
I honked and swore, but even then I wasn’t sure she’d gotten the message, so I went on ahead and let my inner Traffic Bitch out to play, and Bitch, Stevie, and I tailgated her (by now she had slowed to 25 mph), weaving back and forth and gesturing, down the street for about three blocks. Finally we came to a stop light where the street widened to two lanes (thus allowing me to get around her ass). She took the left lane, so I took the right. I skidded to a halt beside her at the light, and worked my best dirty look in her direction for the second-and-a-half before the light turned green.
When the light turned, I gunned it and sped away, replete with smugness and eat-my-dust superiority…
…which was when I heard the **KLUNK**!
“What the… ?” I thought.
I glanced into my rearview mirror…
…and there was my rear bumper, lying in the street (and getting smaller as I continued to speed away). ☹
It just… fell off. :o
My traffic rival and her passenger glanced curiously at it as they drove past it and through the intersection.
At that point, I had to laugh (though I circled the block before returning–tail firmly implanted between thighs–to the intersection to retrieve it, I mean I had to make sure that my nemesis was gone from the scene). I mean, now the whole effect of my actions had been irretrievably ruined, sort of like when you cuss someone out and walk away to discover that you’ve been unzipped, or when you saunter away from a good flirt feeling like a hot tamale, only to discover that you had a booger hanging, the whole time.
Karma’ll get you, won’t it? 😉
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### Author:  [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2002, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/2 "2002-07-08T17:36:45Z")
Good lord! I know this isn’t the point of your story but your car’s bumper just fell off?
Wow. I would have been mortified.
I’m glad you heard the ‘klunk’.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2002, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/3 "2002-07-08T17:53:30Z")
You had a bumper movement in public? That’s putting the BM in BMW.
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### Author:  [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2002, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/4 "2002-07-08T18:06:21Z")
Well, as it turns out, there is a Part II to the story…
A couple of weeks ago, you see, I ran over a branch and broke the… uhh… err… “cow-catcher” (that’s the only word I can think of to describe it–the country folk’ll understand) in the front of the car (you know… that black panel thingy below the grill), so that it was kind of dangling on one side.
After consultation with my boss, a body shop, a salvage yard operator, and one of the maintenance men at my office, I decided that the most fiscally sound approach to the problem would be to pull the sucker off and forget it. (It was broken, which meant I’d need a replacement; the salvage guy didn’t have one, and a new one was going to cost a bundle).
So I did.
Then today, I used the whole Rear Bumper Issue (and yes, it just FELL OFF… thank God Stevie wasn’t belting it too loudly, or I might indeed have missed the KLUNK) as an excuse to pay a visit to my mechanic (on whom I have a little crush, but Honey, there’s no haps there–he thinks I am the biggest dork alive), who had not yet had a chance to get a load of me in my tank top with my summer tan (the last time I saw him was in March for my oil change). 😃 He said he didn’t do body work, so I brought my car on to work, with the rear bumper in my front seat.
I went out to pick up some lunch, and as I was pulling out of the Burger King drive-thru (I know, I know… ewwwww), a man in a white car started honking and yelling “HEY!” at me.
Figuring that he either wished to:
a) inform me that my bumper was missing (no shit, Sherlock), or
b) inform me via grunts, grins, and primitive gestures that he’d like to have sex with me,
I ignored him.
He followed me, and when I pulled back into my parking space at work, he pulled up behind me.
He wanted to know if I needed BMW parts (namely, a rear bumper). I told him that I had the rear bumper in the front seat, but that what I really needed was a “cow-catcher” (he knew what I meant) for the front. He said he would _give_ me one of those, but that I didn’t really _need_ it.
We chatted for a bit (he gave me advice as to how much I should expect to pay to have the bumper re-attached), he gave me his number (for the parts! my heart belongs to my mechanic!), and he drove away.
Nice man.
I don’t know if I’ll take him up on the “cow-catcher” or not, but it’s nice to know I have a cheaper option…
So perhaps my Karma’s not in such bad shape after all! 😉
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### Author:  [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2002, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/5 "2002-07-08T19:03:13Z")
If the mechanic doesn’t want to do “body work” for you after seeing you in a tank top (I’ll assume you also had bottoms on), then perhaps he’s on my team. 😉 _The thought of you in a tank top is almost enough for me to switch teams_.
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### Author:  [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2002, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/6 "2002-07-08T19:36:45Z")
Yeah, but **Homebrew** … if he _does_ play for your team, then my mojo should definitely be working on him, am I right? 😉
How about the thought of me, in a tank top…
…with a penis? 😃
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### Author:  [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2002, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/7 "2002-07-08T19:41:38Z")
Your mech is blind, that’s obvious. He may be the best mechanic in the worlds, but he’s _got_ to be fixing your car by braile.
Still, the thought of you driving around with a bumper in the front seat is kinda funny… Maybe he’s just got a warped sense of humor?
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2002, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/8 "2002-07-08T19:53:55Z")
In the meantime, you ought to get two of those dock bumpers that keep boats from bashing against them and shut the rope in your trunk when they’re hanging down where your bumper used to be. I’d get a chuckle seeing that hanging down from a beemer.
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### Author:  [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2002, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/9 "2002-07-08T20:30:56Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Tranquilis \*
> \*\*Your mech is blind, that’s obvious. He may be the best mechanic in the worlds, but he’s _got_ to be fixing your car by braile.
>
> Still, the thought of you driving around with a bumper in the front seat is kinda funny… Maybe he’s just got a warped sense of humor? \*\*
Well, he DID laugh when I told him the whole story, but in that rueful way, as if thinking, “It’s a shame that dorks like her are allowed to drive…”
At any rate, I’ll be back tomorrow, for my oil change… I’m thinking of wearing my swimsuit. 😉
My guess, though, is that he’d be more apt to notice me if I took **lieu’s** suggestion (which I LOVE, btw)!
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### Author:  [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2002, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/10 "2002-07-08T20:31:45Z")
_swoons_
Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?
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### Author:  [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2002, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/11 "2002-07-08T21:53:03Z")
It’s probably my piece of shit car overheating. 😃
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### Author:  [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2002, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/12 "2002-07-09T02:43:19Z")
You tailgated someone, swerving and gesturing around behind them for three blocks?
Deliberatly?
I have always enjoyed your posts but I am really, really bothered by this. Sorry.
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### Author:  [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2002, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/13 "2002-07-09T02:50:09Z")
**Homebrew,** since you won the rights to pursue **Auntie Em** in a previous thread, I feel very much inclined to help you out here. Let’s say that you and I hitch a ride on the nearest yellow brick road to **'Em’s** Oz, find her oh-so-cute-but-oblivious-mechanic and beat the crud out of him. Or, if he’s really cute and _does_ swing your way, maybe you can seduce him while we’re there. If not, then we beat the crud out of him. If you do seduce him and find out he’s not to your liking, we can beat the crud out of him. All-in-all, I pretty much feel like he’s going to have a fairly empty colon. 🙂
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### Author:  [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2002, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/14 "2002-07-09T02:54:44Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by auntie em \*
> \*\*How about the thought of me, in a tank top…
> …with a penis? 😃 \*\*
>
> _Originally posted by Jinwicked_
> **I have always enjoyed your posts but I am really, really bothered by this. Sorry.**
Good point. Next time you do this, Karma may hit you _really_ hard and your new penis might fall off. Then what are ya’ gonna do?
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### Author:  [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2002, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/15 "2002-07-09T03:09:54Z")
Er… that is not what I meant. I often drive in the slow lane at the posted speed limit, and I get tailgated a lot, by cars much larger than mine. Being followed like that is very scary and I don’t usually know what I did (if anything) to provoke it when it happens.
It just seems to be creating a needlessly dangerous situation and I’m disturbed that someone posting on this message board would do that kind of thing, even in anger.
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### Author:  [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2002, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/16 "2002-07-09T03:21:32Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Tranquilis \*
> \*\*Your mech is blind, that’s obvious.
> \*\*
To be fair, the mechanic \*\* did \*\* say he didn’t do body work.
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### Author:  [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2002, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/17 "2002-07-09T14:02:34Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by jinwicked \*
> \*\*You tailgated someone, swerving and gesturing around behind them for three blocks?
>
> Deliberatly?
>
> I have always enjoyed your posts but I am really, really bothered by this. Sorry. \*\*
Don’t be sorry. That’s why Karma got my ass. You can believe me or not, but now that I try to be a mature adult, I normally eschew such behavior in favor of my own safety (when I was 20 or so, though… lookout). This particular day was not representative of my normal behavior, which is why it was so karmically fitting that my bumper should fall off (which was not representative of _its_ normal behavior).
So no apologies necessary, because you’re right–I behaved badly (and not even in a fun way).
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### Author:  [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2002, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/18 "2002-07-09T14:20:07Z")
Oh, and as for the mechanic (who remained oblivious to my cute little polka-dotty skirt and my “Kiss Me” shirt this morning)…
My guess at this point is that he’s married, but if he’s not, **Homebrew** , I’ll send him your way, after **Skip** pulverizes his crud (or something like that). 😉
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### Author:  [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2002, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/19 "2002-07-09T14:46:06Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Finagle \*
> \*\*To be fair, the mechanic \*\* did \*\* say he didn’t do body work. \*\*
Well, he’s _certainly_ not doing **auntie em** ’s body work…
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### Author:  [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2002, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhh-karma/117920/20 "2002-07-09T16:01:52Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Karma may hit you really hard and your new penis might fall off.
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
> [@](#):
>
> I pretty much feel like he’s going to have a fairly empty colon.
It won’t be empty the whole time. :eek:
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