# Ahhhh Confucious Say: **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 9, 2001, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645 "2001-08-09T19:21:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/1 "2001-08-09T19:21:00Z")
Man who masturbates in car will come on his own accord. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/2 "2001-08-09T19:24:33Z")
Man who stand on toilet high on pot… ---
**Author:** ![robgruver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@robgruver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robgruver)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/3 "2001-08-09T19:54:34Z")
Man who walk through metal detectors sideways is going to Bangkok. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/4 "2001-08-09T20:03:09Z")
A waitress in a cold restaurant will always experience big tips. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/5 "2001-08-09T20:06:07Z")
Many men smoke cigarrettes, but few men chew. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/6 "2001-08-09T20:06:36Z")
Confucious say: Damn, do I hate rice. Can’t a guy get a frickin’ cheeseburger around here? ---
**Author:** ![Wartime\_Consigliori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@Wartime\_Consigliori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wartime_Consigliori)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/7 "2001-08-09T20:10:52Z")
A hard head makes for a sore ass. ---
**Author:** ![headshok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@headshok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/headshok)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/8 "2001-08-09T20:15:50Z")
Man who go to bed with question of sex on mind wake up with solution in hand. ---
**Author:** ![johnboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e47c2d/32.png) [@johnboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnboy)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/9 "2001-08-09T20:48:51Z")
Man who fart in church sit in own pew. ---
**Author:** ![johnboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e47c2d/32.png) [@johnboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnboy)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/10 "2001-08-09T20:49:54Z")
Conficious say: Woman who fly plane upside down crack up. ---
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/11 "2001-08-09T20:58:59Z")
One who go to bed with itchy ass, wake up with stinky fingers. ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/12 "2001-08-09T21:01:12Z")
Those who live in glass houses should dress in the basement. ---
**Author:** ![My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/My_Darn_Snake_Legs)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/13 "2001-08-09T21:04:13Z")
Man who keep both feet on ground have trouble putting pants on. –==the sax man==– ---
**Author:** ![Godfrey\_Daniels](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Godfrey\_Daniels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Godfrey_Daniels)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/14 "2001-08-09T21:42:49Z")
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/15 "2001-08-09T21:59:58Z")
- Man who jizz in cash register come into money. - Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time. - Man who finger girl having period get caught red handed. - Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam. - He who eat many prunes get good run for money. - Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger. - Learn to masturbate–come in handy. • Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth. • Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag. • Man with holes in pants pockets, feels cocky all day. • Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night. • Baseball all wrong–man with four balls can’t walk. • Man who live in glass house, dress in basement. • Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing. • Man with penis in peanut butter jar is fucking nuts. • Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent. ---
**Author:** ![SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpaceGhostofArrakis)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2001, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/16 "2001-08-10T00:29:00Z")
You’re all going to hell. Probaly me too, Because I thought it was funny. See you there! ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2001, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/17 "2001-08-10T00:39:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SpaceGhostofArrakis \* > \*\*You’re all going to hell. > > Probaly me too, Because I thought it was funny. > > See you there! \*\* Whatever. I’ve been condemned by people far more holier than thou. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2001, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ahhhh-confucious-say/75645/18 "2001-08-10T02:02:46Z")
Confucius say: -War not determine who’s right; war determine who’s LEFT. -Man who walk through turnstile sideways in airport always going to BANG-kok. -Man with hand in pocket not necessarily jingling change. -Passionate kiss like spider’s web: soon lead to undoing of fly. -Foolish man give wife grand piano; wise man give her UPRIGHT ORGAN. -Man who get trapped in whorehouse get jerked around. -Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails. -Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it. -Man who sleep in cat house by day sleep in dog house by night. -Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. -Remember when park car, do not drink; accidents cause people. -It take many nails to build crib, but only one screw to fill it. -Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement. -Man who go to bed with throbbing problem wake up with solution on hand. -Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs. …and FINALLY: -People who tell Confucius joke speak very bad English!