# Airplane, Airplane 2 and Police Squad- your favorite quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 17, 2004, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853 "2004-06-17T13:37:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/41 "2004-06-17T17:31:48Z")
> [@rjung](#): > > 1. The two kids drinking coffee. “I like my coffee like I like my men – strong and **black.** ” 😃 > > 2. The whole “You’re Wilt Chamberlain!” “No, I’m not.” exchange in the cockpit. OK, I know I’m just begging to be tossed out the window for being that annoying nitpicker but: 1. boy: (offers the girl coffee) “cream? sugar?” girl: “No thank you, I take it black… like my men” 2. Not Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Feel free to tell me to shut up at any time. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/42 "2004-06-17T17:33:37Z")
Almost forgot this sight gag- Scene of nun reading Boy’s Life magazine…cut to shot of boy reading Nun’s Life magazine. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/43 "2004-06-17T17:41:38Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Airplane > > [translated] “Golly!” > > I use that all the time. If somebody here who speaks Jive could post the entire conversation, I’d be eternally grateful. You know, the one that ends (approximately/phonetically) with “…lay ‘em down an’ smack em yack em.” “Gots ta be”. (The best man at my wedding suggested that I answer the question “do you take this woman…” with “Gots ta be!”. Uh…no.) ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/44 "2004-06-17T17:49:58Z")
**Airplane** Rex Kramer (which would be my SDMB user name if I had it to do over again) dramatically removing his sunglasses, revealing another pair underneath. Any establishing shot of the exterior of the jet plane had an accompanying prop plane sound effect. “My mama didn’t raise no dummies, I dug her rap!” And am I the only one who thinks of Airplane first before Saturday Night Fever when Stayin’ Alive plays on the radio somewhere? **Hot Shots** : “We should arrive at 0500.” “Great, wake me up at about…ohhhh…four thirty.” **Top Secret** [on the phone]“Yes? Yes? I see. Inform me if there is any change in his condition.” [hangs up] “He’s dead.” And the greatest scene, the Swedish bookstore with Grand Moff Tarkin himself (shown the way it was actually filmed on the DVD) ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/45 "2004-06-17T18:10:01Z")
From _KFM_: “This is Han–he’s tough and ruthless.” “This is Han’s driver–he’s rough and toothless.” ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/46 "2004-06-17T18:21:06Z")
> [@Curate](#): > > How about the _Kentucky Fried Movie_ ? From the _Fistful of Yen_ short, “We are building an army of extraordinary magnitude!” > > From time to time in our home we make use of this handy phrase – “I am cooking a dinner of extraordinary magnitude!” “I am hanging a picture of extraordinary magnitude!” Honestly, though, only one of my kids thinks it’s funny. I am sure that he has your gratitude. ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/47 "2004-06-17T18:24:01Z")
By request: > [@](#): > > Joey: Wait a minute. I know you. You’re Kareem Abdul-Jabar. You play basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers. > Roger Murdock: I’m sorry son, but you must have me confused with someone else. My name is Roger Murdock. I’m the co-pilot. > Joey: You are Kareem. I’ve seen you play. My dad’s got season tickets. > Roger Murdock: I think you should go back to your seat now Joey. Right Clarence? > Captain Oveur: Nahhhhhh, he’s not bothering anyone, let him stay here. > Roger Murdock: But just remember, my name is ROGER MURDOCK. I’m an airline pilot. > Joey: I think you’re the greatest, but my dad says you don’t work hard enough on defense. And he says that lots of times, you don’t even run down court. And that you don’t really try… except during the playoffs. > Roger Murdock: The hell I don’t. LISTEN KID. I’ve been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I’m out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes. By another request: > [@](#): > > Randy: Can I get you something? > Second Jive Dude: ‘S’mofo butter layin’ me to da’ BONE! Jackin’ me up… tight me! > Randy: I’m sorry, I don’t understand. > First Jive Dude: Cutty say ‘e can’t HANG! > White Haired Grandmother: Oh stewardess! I speak jive. > Randy: Oh, good. > White Haired Grandmother: He said that he’s in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him. > Randy: All right. Would you tell him to just relax and I’ll be back as soon as I can with some medicine? > White Haired Grandmother: Jus’ hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da’ rebound on da’ med side. > Second Jive Dude: What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap! > White Haired Grandmother: Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don’ want no help, chump don’t GET da’ help! > First Jive Dude: Say 'e can’t hang, say seven up! > White Haired Grandmother: Jive ass dude don’t got no brains anyhow! Hmmph! And another for fun: > [@](#): > > Captain Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before? > Joey: No sir, I’ve never been up in a plane before. > Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked? ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/48 "2004-06-17T18:30:30Z")
I loved the way they would freeze-frame at the end of each episode of **Police Squad** … except they weren’t actually freeze-framing, the actors were all just freezing in place. In one episode, they froze while leading a prisoner off to jail. So, while they were all frozen, he escaped. Classic. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/49 "2004-06-17T18:30:30Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > In Top Secret, what were the names of the French guerillas? All I can remember is > > Detente > Croissant > Latrine > Chocolate Mousse > > and of course > > Deja Vu (Haven’t we met before?) Chevalier, Montage, Detente, Avant Garde, Croissant, Souffle, Escargot, Chocolate Mousse and Deja Vu. Latrine comes in a few minutes later. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/50 "2004-06-17T18:42:19Z")
**Elf6c** – extremely cool. Wheredja get your dialog? Looks “official”. However, I’d like to see the first conversation between the two Jive Dudes – the one that was “translated” as “early to bed early to rise…” (And of course we all recognize “White Haired Grandmother” as Beaver’s Mom, Barbara Billingsley.) Joey…do you like movies about gladiators? Have you ever been in a Turkish prison? ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/51 "2004-06-17T18:56:18Z")
**Michelle Rodham Huddleson:** Now we have to go in to get the men who went in to get the men who went in to get the men. **Michelle Rodham Huddleston:** Oh, Ramada, how could you have been so blind? You were too wrapped up in being Miss Perfect College to notice me. Why concern yourself with the feelings of one insignificant roommate? One fabulous day, one incredible experience. **Ramada Rodham Hayman:** I had no idea it meant so much to you. **Michelle Rodham Huddleston:** I remember that day as if it were yesterday. The exhilaration of experimenting sharing something so new, so dangerous, so intimate. And I’ll never forget the look on your face. The way the sweat glistened on your hard body. Then you tied my ankles. Tighter. Tighter. But it just wasn’t right. It wasn’t natural. Bungee-jumping is just too dangerous a sport. \*\*Nigel: \*\*The pirates took advantage of me in unspeakable ways. **Hillary:** That must have been awful! _Nigel smiles wistfully_ **Little Boy:** Would you care for some coffee? **Little Girl** : Yes, please. **Little Boy** : How do you take it? **Little Girl** : Black. . . like my men. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/52 "2004-06-17T18:59:14Z")
“I’ve got to concentrate…concentrate…centrate…” “Hello? … ello…llo? Echo…echo…cho” “Now batting for Pedro Borbon…Manny Mota” By the way: if you ever get a chance to see **Zero Hour** (it was on TCM recently) do so. It’s a mind-blower. I knew that Airplane was _inspired_ by Zero Hour, but it’s more than that: Airplane is virtually a shot-for-shot, line-for-line(without the funny lines) remake. Even the sames sets & costumes. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/53 "2004-06-17T19:26:05Z")
Of course, one of the best recurring gags in “Airplane!” is that on every external shot of the plane, you hear the drone of propellers. Also: “Nervous?” “Yes.” “First time?” “Well, no, I’ve been nervous lots of times.” ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/54 "2004-06-17T20:00:06Z")
> [@Moe](#): > > Feel free to tell me to shut up at any time. Why? You’re cheaper than a set of reference books. 😉 As for **Police Squad!** freeze-frames, my favorite was the one that included pouring the cup of coffee. “Say when, Frank!” “When!” \ ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/55 "2004-06-17T20:06:36Z")
> [@jsc1953](#): > > **Elf6c** – extremely cool. Wheredja get your dialog? Looks “official”. However, I’d like to see the first conversation between the two Jive Dudes – the one that was “translated” as “early to bed early to rise…” > > (And of course we all recognize “White Haired Grandmother” as Beaver’s Mom, Barbara Billingsley.) > Joey…do you like movies about gladiators? Have you ever been in a Turkish prison? Got it from [IMDB.com](http://IMDB.com) ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Miskatonic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.miskatonic/32/310_2.png) [@Mr.Miskatonic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Miskatonic)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/56 "2004-06-17T20:21:10Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > Also, the scene where the man has to fight his way through the various nuns, Hare Krishnas, and other give-to-charity panhandlers. There’s a dated joke. Even by the time Airplane came out I think most US airports had eliminated solicitation on the premises. Another fun sight gag is when Kareem has fallen sick and has to be pulled from his seat, he is somehow in his Lakers uniform. ---
**Author:** ![jk1245](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jk1245](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jk1245)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/57 "2004-06-17T20:50:17Z")
From the court scene in Airplane II: Prosecutor: Doctor, can you give us your impression of Mr. Stryker? Doctor: I’m sorry, I don’t do impressions. My training’s in psychiatry. One of the Naked Guns had a sight gag where someone is reading a newspaper with the headline: “Dyslexia for found cure” I also remember one where people are talking to a doctor describing someone’s symptoms. He says: “Ah yes, sounds like Spanish flu. I just had 3 cases of it come in today” In the background as he’s saying that, you see a guy wheel in a dolly with 3 boxes stacked on it, each with “Spanish Flu” stamped on the side. Those movies are so joke-dense, it’s hard to remember what line comes from which one! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/58 "2004-06-17T21:02:36Z")
> [@jsc1953](#): > > **Elf6c** – extremely cool. Wheredja get your dialog? Looks “official”. However, I’d like to see the first conversation between the two Jive Dudes – the one that was “translated” as “early to bed early to rise…” > > (And of course we all recognize “White Haired Grandmother” as Beaver’s Mom, Barbara Billingsley.) > Joey…do you like movies about gladiators? Have you ever been in a Turkish prison? [The entire script from Airplane](http://www.cs.tufts.edu/~rkogan/humor/airplane.html). ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/59 "2004-06-17T21:10:38Z")
> [@elf6c](#): > > Got it from [IMDB.com](http://IMDB.com) Excellent. > [@](#): > > First Jive Dude: Shit man, that honky mus’ be messin’ my old lady… got to be runnin’ cold upside down his head. You know? > Second Jive Dude: Hey home, I can dig it. You know he ain’t gonna lay no mo’ big rap up on you man. > First Jive Dude: I say hey sky, s’other s’ay I wan say? > Second Jive Dude: UH… > First Jive Dude: Pray to J I get the same ol’ same ol’. > Second Jive Dude: Eh. Yo knock yourself a pro slick, gray matter live performas down now take TCB’in man. > First Jive Dude: Hey, you know what they say… See a broad, to get that booty yak 'em. > First Jive Dude, Second Jive Dude: Leg 'er down 'n smack 'em yak 'em > First Jive Dude: Cold got to be. You know? Shiiiiit. Or, “early to bed and early to rise” ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/60 "2004-06-17T21:15:13Z")
“I have to report to headquarters.” “Headquarters? What is it?” “It’s a building where all the generals meet–but that’s not important right now.” “Air Israel, please clear the runway!” Shot of airliner with jewish beard and prayer shawl. Rex Kramer calls home and we see that his wife is in bed with a horse. The man waiting in the cab is California politician Howard Jarvis (I guess that joke was lost on most people east of Nevada). The long line of peolpe waitng to assault the hysterical woman. “That’s funny, Jim never vomits at home.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853.md?page=4)