# Airplane, Airplane 2 and Police Squad- your favorite quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 17, 2004, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853 "2004-06-17T13:37:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/61 "2004-06-17T21:49:10Z")
**The Naked Gun** is my favorite, and I’m a sucker for obvious puns and sight gags: The opening sequence where OJ is creeping around the docks is great. He attempts to bust in on the gang, but he leg goes through the door, giving them all time to draw and cock their guns. When he finally struggles into the room, he informs them they are under arrest. One guy drops his gun and puts his hands up, until they all look at him and he sheeplishly picks it up again. I love the scene where Lt. Drebbin is searching the office. While rummaging around in a desk he finds something, smiles, and says, “Bingo!” He then displays a an actual bingo card. When Drebbin returns to his apartment one night he suspects there is an intruder. He then launches into a series of gymnastics moves as he searches the apartment as if he were in a kung-fu movie. From the same film: I still laugh when I think of Drebbin telling the crowd of onlookers, “There’s nothing to see here!” while a fireworks factory explodes behind him. ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/62 "2004-06-17T22:02:35Z")
From **The Naked Gun** … “I’m boiling a roast.” ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/63 "2004-06-17T22:35:36Z")
“How’d you figure that out, Frank?” “It was a little hunch, back at the station.” “And here’s that little hunchback now.” ---
**Author:** ![Arch\_Trout](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9f8e36/32.png) [@Arch\_Trout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arch_Trout)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/64 "2004-06-17T22:45:29Z")
Airplane “Do you know what it’s like to fall in the mud and get kicked, in the head, by an iron boot? Of course you don’t–no one does–that never happens.” ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/65 "2004-06-17T22:59:14Z")
“I know a little German … there he is now.” ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2004, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/66 "2004-06-17T23:06:27Z")
“They bought the tickets. They knew what they were getting into. I say, 'Let ‘em crash!’” My favorite sight gag in _Airplane!_ is the guy delivering the news on drum – the camera changes and it takes him a second to look at the new camera. Genius. Second goes to “They’re miles off course!” “That can’t be, they’re on instruments!” From _Police Squad!:_ “Where were you last night?” “We went to see a movie. _On the Waterfront_.” “There are no theaters on the waterfront!” My other favorites have already been mentioned. (Best is still “Who are you and how did you get in here?” “I’m a locksmith. And I’m a locksmith.”) > [@Dr. Rieux](#): > > Rex Kramer calls home and we see that his wife is in bed with a horse. Nitpick: that was Captain Oveur’s wife. Just makes it a little funnier when you realize that while he’s up in the air asking little boys about gladiator movies, she’s at home in bed with a horse. And then, later, hitting on Rex Kramer. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/67 "2004-06-18T02:06:26Z")
My absolute favorite _ **Airplane!** _ quote of all time: KRAMER: “Have you ever flown a multi-engine plane before?” STRYKER: “No, never.” KRAMER: “Ah, this is a goddamn waste of time! There’s no way he can land that plane! Route him into Lake Michigan, at least it’ll avoid killing innocent people!” Why is that my favorite quote? Because those lines **single-handedly** convinced me to add a multiengine class rating to my Private Pilot certificate. Now, if **I’m** ever on board an airliner where both pilots have gotten sick from eating fish, and they ask **me** if I’ve ever flown a multi-engine plane, I’ll be able to tell 'em “yes!” ---
**Author:** ![5\_time\_champ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/278dde/32.png) [@5\_time\_champ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5_time_champ)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/68 "2004-06-18T02:15:47Z")
I didn’t get this until about the 5th time I saw “Airplane!” > [@](#): > > Kramer : > I know but this guy has no flying experience at’all. He’s a menace to himself and everything else in the air. . . > > birds too. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/69 "2004-06-18T02:21:13Z")
**tracer** “… and didn’t have fish for dinner”.\*\* After all, if _you_ ate the fish, that would put an end to your piloting heroics right then and there. Incidentally, the above quote is word-for-word what they say in “Zero Hour” but it’s a lot funnier in just a slightly different setting. Same thing with “we wish you luck and we’re all counting on you”. Of course it is only spoken once in “Zero Hour” whereas they use it 3 times in “Airplane”. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/70 "2004-06-18T02:24:31Z")
**5 Time Champ** From that very scene about “birds too”, there was something I missed (did you catch this on first viewing ?). After Ken Tobey hangs up the phone you see he was talking to Lloyd Bridges also on the phone, but right across the table !!! It took me quite a while to catch that. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/71 "2004-06-18T02:30:20Z")
> [@wolf\_meister](#): > > **tracer** “… and didn’t have fish for dinner”. > After all, if _you_ ate the fish, that would put an end to your piloting heroics right then and there. Ah, but I wouldn’t have to worry about this, because I **hate** fish. Except for fish sticks. My eight-year-old-kid palate once again saves the day! ---
**Author:** ![RealTronic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9dc877/32.png) [@RealTronic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealTronic)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/72 "2004-06-18T02:43:39Z")
I love the silly name jokes in both Airplane and Airplane II. Like this one from the second one: > [@](#): > > Simon: Gentlemen, I’d like you to meet your captain, Captain Oveur. > Clarence Oveur: Gentlemen, welcome aboard. > Simon: Captain, your navigator, Mr. Unger, and your first officer, Mr. Dunn. > Clarence Oveur: Unger. > Unger: Oveur. > Dunn: Oveur. > Clarence Oveur: Dunn. Gentlemen, let’s get to work. > Simon: Unger, didn’t you serve under Oveur in the Air Force? > Unger: Not directly. Technically, Dunn was under Oveur and I was under Dunn. > Dunn: Yep. > Simon: So, Dunn, you were under Oveur and over Unger. > Unger: Yep. > Clarence Oveur: That’s right. Dunn was over Unger and I was over Dunn. > Unger: So, you see, both Dunn and I were under Oveur, even though I was under Dunn. > Clarence Oveur: Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn. ---
**Author:** ![da\_pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ba0ec/32.png) [@da\_pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/da_pope)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/73 "2004-06-18T02:58:57Z")
I loved this movie as a kid, Police Squad was my favorite show. If you watch Oveur when he comes into the airport, right before he takes the phone call (Hamm on five, hold the Mayo) he walks to a magazine rack, and from a section marked “ **Whacking Material** ” picks up a copy of “ **Modern Sperm** ” with a whale on the cover. I had a top loading VCR with a real cool wired remote that included a really nice slow/stop motion control. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/74 "2004-06-18T03:56:47Z")
Incidentally, during the preflight check in _Airplane!_, a ground crew worker can be seen popping the plane’s “hood” and checking the oil. He was played by Jimmie “Dyn-o-mite!” Walker. And I’ll throw in one of my fave bits (egregiously misquoted, I’m sure) from ZAZ’s earlier work _Kentucky Fried Movie_, which incorporated the short film _Fistful of Yen_: Dr. Klahn: [while giving tour to visitors to his island lair, leads them to the underground cells] These are drunken men who don’t know where they are. [moves to next cell] And these are drunken men who don’t _care_ where they are. [next cell] And these are men who don’t know _or_ care where they are, but don’t drink! Prisoner #1: I know where I am. Prisoner #2: And I don’t drink. Klahn: What! You, get out of there, you go there, move! [rearranges prisoners by cell until order is retored, then haughtily leads vistors away] Guard: What do you want for dinner? Prisoner #1: I don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/75 "2004-06-18T03:59:53Z")
Sigh. I couldn’t resist seeing if the scene’s dialog was recorded at [imdb.com](http://imdb.com), and this is their (probably more accurate) version: Loo: And who are they? Dr. Klahn: Refuse, found in waterfront bars. Loo: Shanghaied? Dr. Klahn: Just lost drunken men who don’t know where they are and no longer care. Prisoner #1: Where are we? Prisoner #2: I don’t care! Loo: And these? Dr. Klahn: These are lost drunken men who don’t know where they are, but do care! And these are men who know where they are and care, but don’t drink. Prisoner #3: I don’t know who I am? Prisoner #4: And I don’t drink! Dr. Klahn: Guards! (move prisoners) Do you care? Prisoner #5: No. Dr. Klahn: Put this man in cell #1, and give him a drink. Guard: What do you drink? Prisoner #5: I don’t care. Well, I got the gist of it. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/76 "2004-06-18T07:06:37Z")
The Man in the Taxi (in Airplane!) was none other than Howard Jarvis, the author of California’s Prop. 13 back in 1978, his only movie cameo. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/77 "2004-06-18T14:10:02Z")
> [@Mr2001](#): > > From **The Naked Gun** … > > “I’m boiling a roast.” “So, how hot and wet do you like it?” “Mighty hot, and plenty wet.” ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/78 "2004-06-18T14:17:41Z")
I actually went home and watched _Top Secret!_ last night because of this thread. I can’t believe that I had forgotten the German officer with the large rubber stamp that said “FIND HIM AND KILL HIM.” I actually shot chocolate milk out my nose. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/79 "2004-06-18T14:25:27Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > I actually went home and watched _Top Secret!_ last night because of this thread. I can’t believe that I had forgotten the German officer with the large rubber stamp that said “FIND HIM AND KILL HIM.” I actually shot chocolate milk out my nose. Yeah, that was good. As was the Pinto. And Nick crawling on the ground until he sees the jackboots. Empty, of course. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/80 "2004-06-18T14:30:00Z")
“…und Klaus is a moron who only believes what he reads in the New York Post…” Seriously, _Top Secret!_ was the pinnacle of the ZAZ group. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853.md?page=5)