# Airplane, Airplane 2 and Police Squad- your favorite quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 17, 2004, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853 "2004-06-17T13:37:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/101 "2004-06-23T00:16:42Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > From _Airplane:_ > > AIR-TRAFFIC CONTROLLER: Should we light up the runway? > > STEVEN McCROSKEY: No . . . (heh-heh-heh) . . . That’s just what they’ll be expecting us to do! \ It was Rex Kramer who said that, not Steve McCroskey. \ ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/102 "2004-06-23T00:56:43Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > (the above was also the subject of one of the best verbal jokes…“Captain Oveur, the Mayo Clinic is on line one, and Jack Hamm is on line five.” “Give me Hamm on five, hold the Mayo.”) My recollection of it was being paged to pick up the white courtesy phone, picking up a black phone and hearing the operator “No, the WHITE phone” Gag wraps up as “Gimme Hamm on white and hold the Mayo!” ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/103 "2004-06-23T01:29:20Z")
**Mr 2001** Wow you sure know the “Kentucky Fried Movie”. “But how do I use Zinc Oxide?” - fantastic sketch !!! * * * Another KFM quote from Fistful of Yen - “This is the Isle of Lucy, located in the Hartz Mountains. A land so desolate and inhospitable, no country wants to claim it !!!” (I typed that from memory so no doubt, someone else will come along with corrections.) ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/104 "2004-06-23T03:37:26Z")
> [@gotpasswords](#): > > My recollection of it was being paged to pick up the white courtesy phone, picking up a black phone and hearing the operator “No, the WHITE phone” Gag wraps up as “Gimme Hamm on white and hold the Mayo!” Not that it’s gospel, but IMDB backs up my version. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/105 "2004-06-23T05:59:54Z")
Indeed. “No, the **white** phone,” and “Gimmie Ham on five, hold the Mayo” were two separate gags. BTW, did I mention that _Airplane!_ is the greatest movie ever made? It holds an even higher place of honor for me than [Shallow Hal](http://home.netcom.com/~rogermw/ShallowHal.html), if you can believe it. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/106 "2004-06-23T06:05:39Z")
More of Johnny’s non-sequiturs: “Barbara Stanwyck could do it-- ‘Heath! Nick! Jarrod! There’s a fire in the barn!’” “How about Mister Rogers?” “There’s a sale at Penny’s!” ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/107 "2004-06-23T17:07:22Z")
“How 'bout some coffee, Johnny?” “No thanks!” ---
**Author:** ![xvxdarkknightxvx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/34f0e0/32.png) [@xvxdarkknightxvx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xvxdarkknightxvx)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/108 "2004-06-23T17:18:20Z")
> [@tracer](#): > > Indeed. “No, the **white** phone,” and “Gimmie Ham on five, hold the Mayo” were two separate gags. > > BTW, did I mention that _Airplane!_ is the greatest movie ever made? It holds an even higher place of honor for me than [Shallow Hal](http://home.netcom.com/~rogermw/ShallowHal.html), if you can believe it. I didn’t think **Shallow Hal** was funny at all. What makes it funny enough to you that you feel able to compare it to **Airplane!**? ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/109 "2004-06-23T17:20:43Z")
REPORTER: “What kind of a plane is it?” JOHNNY: “Oh, it’s a big pretty white plane with curtains in the windows and wheels and it looks just like a big Tylenol.” (Note: Among the cluster of microphones being thrust into Johnny’s face by the reporters was an ice cream cone.) ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/110 "2004-06-23T17:22:38Z")
> [@xvxdarkknightxvx](#): > > I didn’t think **Shallow Hal** was funny at all. What makes it funny enough to you that you feel able to compare it to **Airplane!**? [Shallow Hal](http://home.netcom.com/~rogermw/ShallowHal.html) doesn’t **need** to be funny. It’s the greatest movie of this millennium. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/111 "2004-06-23T17:53:51Z")
An oft forgotten favorite from **Police Squad** : “You’re not the man I married!” _opens door to reveal another man in the closet_ “Here’s the man I married!” ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/112 "2004-06-23T18:41:12Z")
Would it be verboten to also mention favorite lines from Hot Shots?.. Nah, I’ll keep it pure. Top Secret: The sequence where Deja Vu is being introduced. “Haven’t we met before monseur?” “No, I don’t think so”. Then Deja Vu nods and looks away, then does the most appropriately funny double-take in film history. 😃 Airplane’s speech where McCrosky gives his pep talk:“And I can sum it all up in just one word: courage, dedication, daring, pride, pluck, spirit, grit, mettle, and G-U-T-S, _guts_. Why, Ted Striker’s got more guts in his little finger than most of us have in our large intestine, including the colon!” ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/113 "2004-06-23T18:47:23Z")
I did a Hot Shots line earlier; it IS an Abrams production after all. Go on with your bad self. “If I were joking I’d say something like ‘What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls?’” ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/114 "2004-06-23T21:22:15Z")
> [@GargoyleWB](#): > > Would it be verboten to also mention favorite lines from Hot Shots?.. If it were, then the six to ten people who’ve already quoted that movie would be in big trouble! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![YellowTail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5ac83/32.png) [@YellowTail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YellowTail)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/115 "2004-06-23T23:47:50Z")
Only a few left that haven’t been mentioned, all Police Squad: “Sally wanted to meet me at the club right away. Since I didn’t know where the Club Rightaway was, I told her to meet me at the Club Flamingo.” Interogating suspect: “Alright, Joey, let’s say you _were_ at the movies last night.” “Okay.” [all together] “You were at the movies last night.” Drebin grabs a mime by the shirt and says, “All right, buddy, TALK!” Reading from suspect’s file: “Married. Two kids. That didn’t work out so he married a full-grown woman.” ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/116 "2004-06-23T23:52:47Z")
During the prefilght scene in Airplane, in the backgournd the ground crew man opens the hood checks the oil (falls off ladder) the comes to pilots window. Capt Oveur reachs into pocket, removes wallet, hands credit card to ground crewman. Maybe it is because I worked in a gas station when I was in High school (full serve) that this just cracks me up. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/117 "2004-06-24T01:16:05Z")
> [@GargoyleWB](#): > > Airplane’s speech where McCrosky gives his pep talk:“And I can sum it all up in just one word: courage, dedication, daring, pride, pluck, spirit, grit, mettle, and G-U-T-S, _guts_. Why, Ted Striker’s got more guts in his little finger than most of us have in our large intestine, including the colon!” \ That was _Airplane II_. \ The motivational speech in _Airplane!_ that still brings tears to my eyes is when Ted Stryker gives up, and while he’s sitting in the back of the plane stewing in his own failure, Dr. Rumack comes by: STRYKER: I know what you’re going to say, so save your breath. RUMACK: No, no, you did the best you could. The best anyone could. But I’m going to tell you something I’ve kept to myself all of these years. I was in the war, too. Medical Corps. One night they brought in a badly wounded pilot from one of the raids. He looked at me and said, “Doc, the odds were against us up there, but we went in anyway. I’m glad. The captain made the right decision.” That pilot’s name was George Zip. STRYKER [astonished]: George Zip said that? RUMACK: Yes, he looked at me and said, “Doc,” he said, “Some time, when the crew is up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, tell 'em to get out there and give it all they’ve got. And win just one for the Zipper. I don’t know where I’ll be then Doc, he said. But I won’t smell too good, that’s for sure.” STRYKER: Excuse me, doc. I’ve got a plane to fly. \ ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/118 "2004-06-24T02:10:04Z")
and that motivational speech by Dr Rumack is hilarious, because it is almost word for word what is said in “Knute Rockne All American” > **[Quotes from "Knute Rockne All American"](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0032676/quotes)** > > Knute Rockne: Now I'm going to tell you something I've kept to myself for years. None of you ever knew George Gipp. He was long before your time, but you all know what a tradition he is at Notre Dame. And the last thing he said to me, "Rock," he... By all means go to the above link and see if you don’t crack a smile. You’ll NEVER be able to watch that Knute Rockne "pep talk"again without bursting out laughing. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/119 "2004-06-24T08:17:49Z")
My favorite line from _Hot Shots!_ is Charlie Sheen’s comment after seeing Valeria Golino do her gymnastics routine on the tree limbs and then plop onto the back of her horse: **"I’ve never wanted to be a horse so much in my life."** I use variations on that line almost every day. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853/120 "2004-06-24T15:56:00Z")
In Hot Shots Part Deux, after a sneak attack on their platoon, Ramada (Valeria Golino) is lying on the ground and Topper Harley (Charlie Sheen) approaches her thinking she might be … dead. Ramada’s eyes finally open. Topper: Ramada !! I thought you were … Ramada: Gabriella Sabitini? I get that a lot. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/airplane-airplane-2-and-police-squad-your-favorite-quotes/250853.md?page=7)