# Alabama School Security Weapon: Canned Corn **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 15, 2015, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935 "2015-01-15T21:54:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/21 "2015-01-16T14:51:31Z")
The school board is appointing a former army officer to head the project. He will be officially known as the Colonel of Corn. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/22 "2015-01-16T15:01:38Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > The school board is appointing a former army officer to head the project. He will be officially known as the Colonel of Corn. There’s likely a kernel of truth in that. It occurs to me that the idea, overall, has some sensibiltiy - do ‘something’ to distract the assailant - I doubt that you really need to stockpile canned goods - if you’re going to take this approach, there are already items in classsrooms that can be used - erasers books clothes pencils etc - hell, just have one guy willing to do the chalkboard thing - thats like a taser right there. I do agree, that in most cases - anything is better than “hiding” - especially when you’re talking about a classroom full of students as that tends to group them all togehter in one spot - as an individual, sure - hiding in that case may be a good option. ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/23 "2015-01-16T15:28:28Z")
They might be able to get Jolly Green Giant to sponsor their security efforts. Seriously, won’t a bunch of kids throwing cans at the guy just piss him off and make him want to gun them all down? ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/24 "2015-01-16T15:30:42Z")
Not if they bean him in the head. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/25 "2015-01-16T15:47:36Z")
So there are going to be cans of veggies in the schoolrooms, out in the open and easily accessible, that the kids have been told are to be used as weapons in case of emergency? What do _you_ think is going to happen the next time a classroom fight breaks out? ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/26 "2015-01-16T15:57:23Z")
Easy folks, this is just part of a multi-layered defense system. The teachers and admins will all have bags of marbles in their pockets, each classroom will have 2-3 trained operators with cans of Silly String concealed in their desks, and each room is authorized to prop a bucket of water above the doorjamb during an active shooter situation. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/27 "2015-01-16T16:09:28Z")
So all those canned food drives are really an arms race? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/28 "2015-01-16T16:22:08Z")
“In the Alabama school justice system, the students are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups: school disciplinarians, who investigate crime, and the school boards, who determine policy, plan the Fall and Spring concerts, and approve field trips. These are their stories.” ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/29 "2015-01-16T16:27:32Z")
When the suspect was arrested, he was in possession of over 6000 cans of food, several of them chili. He also had 500 bottles of various condiments. The arresting officer was quoted as saying; “His house looked like a supermarket.” ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/30 "2015-01-16T16:31:33Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > The practice would “catch an intruder off-guard” unless the intruder had seen this article… No way, man. Any intruder who’s seen this article is sure to steer clear of this school! ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/31 "2015-01-16T16:32:56Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > When the suspect was arrested, he was in possession of over 6000 cans of food, several of them chili. > He also had 500 bottles of various condiments. > > The arresting officer was quoted as saying; “His house looked like a supermarket.” “I wasn’t stockpiling. I’m a collector!” The suspect was known to participate in Supermarket Sweep reenactments. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/32 "2015-01-16T16:49:54Z")
The teacher could just remove his/her shirt and flash his/her chest. That would catch an intruder off-guard as well. Really, no matter what the teacher looked like… ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/33 "2015-01-16T17:12:20Z")
Soon, Homeland Security will start a data base of everybody with Costco memberships. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/34 "2015-01-16T17:22:53Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > So all those canned food drives are really an arms race? That explains a lot… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/35 "2015-01-16T17:27:19Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > “I wasn’t stockpiling. I’m a collector!” The suspect was known to participate in Supermarket Sweep reenactments. no one needs 5# cans of ravioli! ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/36 "2015-01-16T17:31:30Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Soon, Homeland Security will start a data base of everybody with Costco memberships. So which agency will be charged with enforcement? ATF or FDA? ---
**Author:** ![FasterThanMeerkats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/278dde/32.png) [@FasterThanMeerkats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FasterThanMeerkats)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/37 "2015-01-16T17:39:21Z")
:Runs out to buy stock in home canning equipment companies: ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/38 "2015-01-16T21:11:03Z")
This is my can of Del Monte creamed corn. There are many like it, but this one is mine. ---
**Author:** ![Boogly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Boogly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boogly)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/39 "2015-01-16T21:12:38Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > This is my can of Del Monte creamed corn. There are many like it, but this one is mine. User name/thread C-C-C-COMBO!!! ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/40 "2015-01-16T21:12:41Z")
This is my can, this is my jar - one is for killing, the other for fun. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935.md?page=3)