# Alabama School Security Weapon: Canned Corn **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 15, 2015, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935 "2015-01-15T21:54:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/41 "2015-01-16T21:18:02Z")
Now now people, we shouldn’t rush to judgement, let’s give peas a chance. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/42 "2015-01-16T21:38:25Z")
Instructionss to student: First and foremost, try to get away but here is a case of cans in case you can’t. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/43 "2015-01-16T21:56:34Z")
So would a fruitcake be classified as a WMD? ---
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/44 "2015-01-16T22:11:58Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > The arresting officer was quoted as saying; “His house looked like a supermarket.” Your honor, I’d like to clarify: The initial charge against my client was _shoplifting_ and he was not arrested at home. He was, in fact, arrested at the supermarket! –G! ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/45 "2015-01-16T23:22:44Z")
This is a turrible idea. For all you know, the intruder might have a can opener! ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/46 "2015-01-17T02:17:03Z")
It is oxymoronic to declare canned corn to be a weapon and simultaneously encourage kiddies to bring their new weapons to school. More typically, schools would have a absurdly strict zero-tolerance policy. Once corn is a weapon, then not a kernel will be tolerated on campus. (Hey, they’ve already done this to peanuts.) And we’ve read those idiotic stories of school personnel riffling through the children’s bag lunches to make sure they only have school-approved vittles. Now, no more canned vittles for kids! ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/47 "2015-01-17T02:20:07Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > It is oxymoronic to declare canned corn to be a weapon and simultaneously encourage kiddies to bring their new weapons to school. Just wait until the next food fight in the lunchroom. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/48 "2015-01-17T03:04:48Z")
Laugh all you want. But there is a Thurber short story about a man who vanquished a bully and dog-beater by pelting him with canned food (in self-defense, of course) in a market. I have faith that some Doper will remember the name of the story. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/49 "2015-01-17T03:39:44Z")
Hey! It worked for [Crocodile Dundee](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rijQ5oBFlO0#t=1m19s)! ---
**Author:** ![PurpleClogs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f04885/32.png) [@PurpleClogs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PurpleClogs)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/50 "2015-01-17T05:37:52Z")
This reeks of a tragedy in the making. It’s funny until some 6 year old gets shot because he dared to unzip and reach into his backpack when told to freeze. I’d rather they just run and hide, let the adults deal with fighting the bad guy. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/51 "2015-01-17T06:21:59Z")
> [@Boogly](#): > > If we all open-carried canned goods we’d all be safer. But if we all carried open cans, the world would be a sloppier place. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/52 "2015-01-17T06:33:18Z")
However, I can see how this can work. Can you? ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/53 "2015-01-17T07:58:38Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Maybe they should be carrying cans of tuna. They may be smaller but you can throw them at a higher velocity and you can carry a larger number… If you throw one of those 26-ounce “family size” cans, all you have to do is clip the guy on the arm and you’ll put him on the floor! ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/54 "2015-01-17T09:07:53Z")
What if the attacker is armed with canned vegetables? Or even worse… fresh fruit? [Self Defense Against An Assailant Armed With Fresh Fruit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piWCBOsJr-w) ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/55 "2015-01-17T13:38:36Z")
We’ve _done_ them. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/56 "2015-01-17T15:52:21Z")
Hell with cans why not glass jars? Bonus shrapnel. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/57 "2015-01-17T16:04:54Z")
Attempting to calculate the throw-weight of various canned foods, I sent off inquiries to producers asking if canned meat would be best. My inbox is now filled with spam.☹ ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/58 "2015-01-17T16:34:02Z")
In all seriousness, the truly sad thing is I think this is a step up for Alabama. They are advocating for throwing canned goods rather than open carry. ---
**Author:** ![skdo23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@skdo23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skdo23)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/59 "2015-01-17T17:19:54Z")
Someone should start a rumor on a right wing blog that George Soros is buying a stake in Del Monte Foods and then watch the conspiracy theories roll in. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935/60 "2015-01-17T18:03:36Z")
Gives a whole new meaning to the term, “Can of WhoopAss”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alabama-school-security-weapon-canned-corn/709935.md?page=4)