# Alcohol. Is there anything it CAN'T do? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 8, 2013, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733 "2013-08-08T18:13:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/1 "2013-08-08T18:13:23Z")
For about a year now, I’ve had this problem with one of the burner coils on my stove. The damn things sits on a tilt. So when you sit your fry pan on there, it tilts too. I’ve tried on a handful of occasions to fix the thing, but no dice. No matter how I bent the damn thing, it still wants to tilt. So last night my friend and I were steadily get’n hammered on margaritas. (Good stuff) After copious consumption of the sweet limey goodness, I decided to cook us a meal. (Just chicken breasts and veggies) Earlier that day, I had disconnected the coils so I could clean the drip pans. I had neglected to reconnect them earlier so I found myself faced with this daunting task while under the influence. In my drunken stupor, I found this to be problematic. I couldn’t get the damn tongs to plug into the connector. It was at this point I decided to enlist the help of my equally inebriated friend. She couldn’t do it either. So the task got shifted back to me. After much anger and frustration, (things were said that I’m not entirely proud of.) I finally succeeded in my task. We cooked out meal, ate and went to bed. Happy endings all the way around. Well today, I was in for quite the pleasant surprise. As I’m warming up some soup on the stove, I realize that the previously tilted burner is quite level now. I have absolutely no recollection of how I did it, but hey, whatever works! Behold, the power of alcohol. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/2 "2013-08-08T18:31:05Z")
You had sex on the stove, didn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/3 "2013-08-08T18:34:13Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > You had sex on the stove, didn’t you? That’s hot. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/4 "2013-08-08T18:41:55Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > You had sex on the stove, didn’t you? We call that the [Aunt Jemima Treatment](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hOhhgrM3bs). ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/5 "2013-08-08T20:27:45Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Behold, the power of alcohol. Ah, yes: [ > [@Homer Simpson](#): > > To alcohol! The cause of… and solution to… all of life’s problems! ]([www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUVwR0rw5fk](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUVwR0rw5fk)) ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/6 "2013-08-08T23:17:45Z")
I know how quotes get mis-attributed, but I have a quote that supposed to be from Ben Franklin on a t-shirt. **BEER IS PROOF THAT GOD LOVES US AND WANTS US TO BE HAPPY** And I once saw a poster that told you how to get to heaven by drinking beer. Here’s how it goes. When we drink beer we get drunk. When we get drunk we go to sleep. When we go to sleep we commit no sins. If we commit no sins we go to Heaven. So, let’s all drink beer and go to Heaven!!! ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/7 "2013-08-08T23:22:45Z")
Remember: \ In heaven there is no beer- - That’s why we drink it here! ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/8 "2013-08-08T23:35:58Z")
_And when we’re gone from here…_ ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/9 "2013-08-09T19:03:24Z")
Yeah, but I’ll bet the burner isn’t speaking to you any more. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/10 "2013-08-09T19:58:13Z")
Shakes. You were f\*\*\*ed up so bad you couldn’t plug in a stove burner–two really big prongs heading for two really big holes (this is where I omit the ex-wife joke). Sounds like in your efforts, you bent the burner straight, futher speaking to your level of intoxication. And still, ‘happy endings all around.’ My god man. Salutations! ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/11 "2013-08-09T23:13:21Z")
Pretty sure it can’t cure alcoholism. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/12 "2013-08-09T23:22:19Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > Pretty sure it can’t cure alcoholism. Sure it can, if you drink enough of it at once. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2013, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/13 "2013-08-10T00:24:45Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > Shakes. You were f\*\*\*ed up so bad you couldn’t plug in a stove burner–two really big prongs heading for two really big holes (this is where I omit the ex-wife joke). Sounds like in your efforts, you bent the burner straight, futher speaking to your level of intoxication. And still, ‘happy endings all around.’ > > My god man. Salutations! LOL. I honestly didn’t think of the double entendre that is “happy endings”. That’s some funny shit right there. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2013, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/14 "2013-08-15T19:04:14Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > Sure it can, if you drink enough of it at once. nope lol death is not a cure, if anything dying from alcohol pretty much means you’re an alcoholic forever ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/15 "2013-08-16T02:12:06Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > nope lol > > death is not a cure, if anything dying from alcohol pretty much means you’re an alcoholic forever Oh now. That’s just _silly_. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![NotDeadYet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NotDeadYet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NotDeadYet)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/16 "2013-08-16T02:33:03Z")
What can’t it do? Make you smarter. You’ll think you are, but sadly in the morning … "Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.” Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.” ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alcohol-is-there-anything-it-cant-do/665733/17 "2013-08-16T02:42:56Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > I know how quotes get mis-attributed, but I have a quote that supposed to be from Ben Franklin on a t-shirt. > > **BEER IS PROOF THAT GOD LOVES US AND WANTS US TO BE HAPPY** My understanding is that what Franklin actually said, or rather wrote in a letter, in French, is translated as, > [@](#): > > We hear of the conversion of water into wine at the marriage in Cana, as of a miracle. But this conversion is, through the goodness of God, made every day before our eyes. Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, and which incorporates itself with the grapes to be changed into wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy!