# Aliens only abducted cows and stupid folk? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 4, 2012, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941 "2012-12-04T08:38:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2012, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/21 "2012-12-04T14:50:55Z")
I heard the IRS has an anal-probe app this year. ---
**Author:** ![Atakapa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@Atakapa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atakapa)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2012, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/22 "2012-12-04T15:05:08Z")
I’ve long held that such abductions are the work of alien frat boys. Think about it. The time and memory gaps? Roofies. The erratic flight patterns? Drunk driving. Abducting cattle and people is a pledge ritual. And don’t even get me started on the anal probing… ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/23 "2012-12-05T00:01:06Z")
[Moderating] I think this is more of an MPSIMS thread than a Pit thread. Moved thither. [/Moderating] ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/24 "2012-12-05T00:20:09Z")
> [@missyzilly](#): > > I think I might be drunk. But I still love aliens and pop tarts. Mixed? With a beer chaser? ---
**Author:** ![Jamicat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c67d28/32.png) [@Jamicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jamicat)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/25 "2012-12-05T01:44:56Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Because brains are beside the point if you’re just going to eat them anyway. As a matter of fact, less matter in the matter matters more than matter in the matter matters less matter and that’s all that matters. BRAINSSSSSSSsssssssss ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/26 "2012-12-05T05:27:45Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > [Moderating] > I think this is more of an MPSIMS thread than a Pit thread. > > Moved thither. > [/Moderating] Awwww! Now we can’t call the OP a (_&%$^#_)! Spoilsport! At least anal-probe discussions are still on the table, aren’t they? ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/27 "2012-12-05T05:34:27Z")
[Think of the stories you’ll be able to tell!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jDcmDAUdnQ) ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/28 "2012-12-05T05:49:14Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > You shouldn’t post things like that. You’re going to get visited by the folks from the [Skinwalker Ranch](http://terrifyingtales.blogspot.com/2007/03/skinwalker-ranch.html), and if you do, you’ll never be allowed back. > > Seriously, they watch this board, carefully. We’ve had people disappear before. They’re here one day, posting away, and the next, they’re gone, never to be heard from again. No, those are the people who get abducted by the moderators. ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/29 "2012-12-05T06:49:13Z")
Googling [“alien moderators”](http://www.google.com/search?as_st=y&tbm=isch&hl=en&as_q=alien+moderator&as_epq=&as_oq=&as_eq=&imgsz=&imgar=&imgc=value&imgtype=&cr=&as_sitesearch=&safe=offactive&as_filetype=&as_rights=not+filtered+by+license&biw=836&bih=359&sei=x-2-ULuMG8nk0gGg_oDYAw) doesn’t give me much comfort. Somehow, [this one](http://m169.photobucket.com/image/alien%20moderator/bigshebanger/mycroft1.png.html?src=www) says “ **Marley** ” to me. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/30 "2012-12-05T08:51:46Z")
> [@Death\_of\_Rats](#): > > You know, there are a lot easier ways to get anal-probed. I am pretty sure that it was the entire motivating factor behind the development of both cable tv and the internet. And as for flying around on a spaceship, you didn’t hear it from me but I know this guy who knows a guy around the way, he can hook you up. ---
**Author:** ![Corcaigh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Corcaigh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corcaigh)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/31 "2012-12-05T13:42:48Z")
It’s a lot easier to discredit a ‘stupid’ person. ---
**Author:** ![Weirofhermiston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e274bd/32.png) [@Weirofhermiston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirofhermiston)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/32 "2012-12-05T13:54:23Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > [Moderating] > I think this is more of an MPSIMS thread than a Pit thread. > > Moved thither. > [/Moderating] Moved thither indeed! Abducted more like. I’m bracing myself for what comes next. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/33 "2012-12-05T14:29:17Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > It’s the difference between necessary and sufficient. They took only stupid people and cows, but not _all_ the stupid people and cows. That cracked me up. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/34 "2012-12-05T18:08:51Z")
> [@missyzilly](#): > > Oh I do not like the sound of that! I want to come back alive so I can go on Jerry Springer and talk about it. You don’t _need_ brains to go on Jerry Springer. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2012, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/35 "2012-12-06T04:56:05Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > You don’t _need_ brains to go on Jerry Springer. Quite. But an irrational violent streak seems to help quite a bit. Just once I’d like for there to be a guest with martial arts training. That way someone could catch a lovely snap kick to the face when they charged at him or her. I’d totally watch the Youtube clip of that once I found out about it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2012, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941/36 "2012-12-06T11:04:21Z")
> [@Cheshire\_Human](#): > > Googling [“alien moderators”](http://www.google.com/search?as_st=y&tbm=isch&hl=en&as_q=alien+moderator&as_epq=&as_oq=&as_eq=&imgsz=&imgar=&imgc=value&imgtype=&cr=&as_sitesearch=&safe=offactive&as_filetype=&as_rights=not+filtered+by+license&biw=836&bih=359&sei=x-2-ULuMG8nk0gGg_oDYAw) doesn’t give me much comfort. Somehow, [this one](http://m169.photobucket.com/image/alien%20moderator/bigshebanger/mycroft1.png.html?src=www) says “ **Marley** ” to me. An alien Marley would accidentally abduct everyone in the World at once. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aliens-only-abducted-cows-and-stupid-folk/642941.md?page=1)