# All books are to be burned except for one you choose. Make your choice. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 20, 2008, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757 "2008-10-20T16:45:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/1 "2008-10-20T16:45:47Z")
So let’s say that sick bastard \*\*Fabulous Creature \*\*gets off his ass and gets to conquering. The new regime announces that, because the God-King doesn’t want anybody getting any ideas, he’s turning off the internet, smashing all the printing presses, and burning all the libraries (and that includes everybody’s personal book collections). But, because he has fond memories of happy times spent on the Dope, he’ll allow any Doper in good standing as of the time of the announcement to save one and only one volume. When the flying monkeys escort you into your local library, what do you run in and save? ---
**Author:** ![Rev.Bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e47c2d/32.png) [@Rev.Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rev.Bear)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/2 "2008-10-20T16:51:56Z")
I would immediately grab To Kill a Mockingbird. Everything you need to know about being a good person is contained in that wonderful book. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/3 "2008-10-20T16:53:10Z")
**Lord of the Rings** , of course. ---
**Author:** ![well\_he\_s\_back](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3ab097/32.png) [@well\_he\_s\_back](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/well_he_s_back)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/4 "2008-10-20T17:00:38Z")
Since QtM saved the essential LOTR, I think I’ll grab the OED. (Does that count as a choice? Hope so). ---
**Author:** ![Simmerdown](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simmerdown/32/14859_2.png) [@Simmerdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simmerdown)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/5 "2008-10-20T17:01:23Z")
In the event this does happen, we should establish a secret Doper meeting place and all bring our books to share. If we can pull that off, then I guess I’ll just close my eyes and point to a book to pick. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/6 "2008-10-20T17:01:42Z")
The Anarchist’s Cookbook. **Fabulous Creature** must be stopped! ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/7 "2008-10-20T17:04:07Z")
Fahrenheit 451. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/8 "2008-10-20T17:04:11Z")
An unabridged copy of Stephen King’s _The Stand_ ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/9 "2008-10-20T17:07:15Z")
My complete works of Shakespeare (good literature, plus it’s useful as a bludgeoning tool!). ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/10 "2008-10-20T17:08:49Z")
I, too, would grab the OED… and use it to beat those flying monkeys _down_. That think could kill a flying elephant; monkeys, no problem. As if flying monkeys are all you would need to get _my_ books away, pfft. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/11 "2008-10-20T17:12:57Z")
Does The Encyclopedia Britannica count as one selection? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/12 "2008-10-20T17:16:58Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > **Lord of the Rings** , of course. That was implied by the fact that you are you. But what if you, \*\*What Exit?, \*\*& **Elendil’s Heir** happen to be escorted to the same library and there’s only one copy left? (\*\*FabC \*\*would have taken the others for his own amusement.) Answering my own question, I’d trust someone else to get LoTR and grab either [Till We Have Faces](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Till_We_Have_Faces)or [Silverlock.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silverlock). [QUOTE=well he’s back] Since QtM saved the essential LOTR, I think I’ll grab the OED. (Does that count as a choice? Hope so). [/QUOTE] :: rechecks OP :: Says “one volume.” So you’ll have to pick a volume. [QUOTE=silenus] The Anarchist’s Cookbook. Fabulous Creature must be stopped! [/QUOTE] Also known as the “Hey, Mr. Secret Police Howler Monkey! Look at me!” approach. 😉 Likewise **kaylasdad99** ’s choice. [QUOTE=Kythereia] My complete works of Shakespeare (good literature, plus it’s useful as a bludgeoning tool!). [/QUOTE] Now that’s the kind of common sense that will lead to your either getting a high-level job in the new regime or getting sent to the gulag by the new regime. Possibly both. [QUOTE=Lightray] I, too, would grab the OED… and use it to beat those flying monkeys down. That think could kill a flying elephant; monkeys, no problem. As if flying monkeys are all you would need to get my books away, pfft. [/QUOTE] Flying monkeys is, of course, shorthand for _genetically-engineered winged flame-spewing venom-fanged necrotizing fasciitis-spreading undead ninja cyborg howler monkeys._ They might be more effective than you anticipate. [QUOTE=Bayard] Does The Encyclopedia Britannica count as one selection? [/QUOTE] See “OED.” ---
**Author:** ![N.Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f19dbf/32.png) [@N.Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N.Sane)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/13 "2008-10-20T17:17:16Z")
_The Canterbury Tales_ ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/14 "2008-10-20T17:24:29Z")
_Bat Boy Lives!_, only because it would SERIOUSLY confound efforts by future historians to reconstruct 21st century culture. ---
**Author:** ![kasuo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8c91f0/32.png) [@kasuo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kasuo)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/15 "2008-10-20T17:27:43Z")
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/16 "2008-10-20T17:34:36Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > he’ll allow any Doper in good standing as of the time of the announcement to save one and only one volume. > > When the flying monkeys escort you into your local library, what do you run in and save? _CRC Handbook of Chemistry and Physics_. And then I’d make a fortune selling the information back to the rest of society as they attempted to recover from the loss of centuries of accumulated knowlege. 🙂 \*\*\* Ponder ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/17 "2008-10-20T17:47:40Z")
[quote=“Skald\_the\_Rhymer, post:12, topic:468757”] Now that’s the kind of common sense that will lead to your either getting a high-level job in the new regime or getting sent to the gulag by the new regime. QUOTE] What’s the difference? **Catch-22** ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/18 "2008-10-20T17:52:03Z")
[quote=“outlierrn, post:17, topic:468757”] > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Now that’s the kind of common sense that will lead to your either getting a high-level job in the new regime or getting sent to the gulag by the new regime. > QUOTE] > > What’s the difference? In one, you get all the hookers & blow you want, as well as access to Fab’s library if you play your cards right. (Of course he keeps copies of all the destroyed books for himself; otherwise, how could he gather bibiophiles and force them to watch him either read the books in or piss on them? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/19 "2008-10-20T17:52:06Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Says “one volume.” So you’ll have to pick a volume. It’s well known (at least by JRRT enthusiasts) that LOTR was one single story, artificially broken up by his publisher into 3 volumes. Fortunately many single-volume editions of the Red Book are available for the snatching. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757/20 "2008-10-20T18:04:21Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > It’s well known (at least by JRRT enthusiasts) that LOTR was one single story, artificially broken up by his publisher into 3 volumes. Fortunately many single-volume editions of the Red Book are available for the snatching. 😉 If anyone other than you had implied that I did not know this, I’d be seething with venomous rage, swearing improbable sci-fi vengeance, and frantically searching for a third metaphor to round out this sentence. But you have knowledge of the perfesser’s work I covet, so I’ll let it unleash the bees on some other randomly-chosen member of the Teeming Millions. I was referring to OED and the Encyclopedia Britannica, not LotR. Surely you have been subjected to one of my venomous screeds on the subject, but in case you’ve missed it, I’ll summarize: _Lord of the Rings_ is not a trilogy. It is **one book**. \*Lord of the Rings \*is not a novel. It is a **romance**. _Lord of the Rings_ is not a movie or movies. The films shot in New Zealand are properly known as “Petey Jackson’s World-O-Wonder,” and once the revolution begins he will be shot for what he did to Faramir. Tolkien’s trilogy is not \*The Fellowship of the Ring \*+ \*The Two Towers \*+ _The Return of the King_. It is _The Hobbit_ + _The Lord of the Rings_ + _The Silmarillion_. I am a little surprised that no one has mentioned _The Silmarillion._ It’s rougher going than LOTR, but ultimately more satisfying, at least to me. _The Silmarillion_ is to \*LotR \*as \*LotR \*is to _The Hobbit_. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-books-are-to-be-burned-except-for-one-you-choose-make-your-choice/468757.md?page=2)