# All hail the Secret Masters **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 1, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993 "2004-05-01T14:51:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/1 "2004-05-01T14:51:06Z")
It’s May 1st, which as we all know, is the anniversary of the day when Adam Weishaupt and Baron Adolph von Knigge founded the Illuminati. I plan on celebrating by secretly rigging an election in Moldova, engineering a banking panic in Malaysia, and planting subliminal messages in next week’s episode of “The Gilmore Girls”. How will you be observing Illuminati Day this year? ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/2 "2004-05-01T14:57:02Z")
Sssssshhhhhh, you idiot. We must not reveal our secrets. **Everything is fine, ladies and gentlemen. Go back to your regular lives.** In other news, however: _The moon will rise from the north. Six cows will be waiting. Bring pie._ fnord ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/3 "2004-05-01T15:24:20Z")
Secret? What’s so secret about Ed Zotti being the supreme Illuminati and ruler of the earth? Oh, yea. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/4 "2004-05-01T15:55:32Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > How will you be observing Illuminati Day this year? Sigh…now you’ve told. The men in black will be at your door soon. ---
**Author:** ![RandomLetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8edcca/32.png) [@RandomLetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandomLetters)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/5 "2004-05-01T15:57:59Z")
I could tell you how I will be observing Illuminati day, but then I would have to kill you. With a 1920’s style “Death Ray.” fnord ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/6 "2004-05-01T19:10:14Z")
I’m having a quiet little private concert. Elvis, Kurt Cobain and Glen Miller. SSSssssshhhh. ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/7 "2004-05-01T19:24:51Z")
Of course you haven’t got Hendrix. Him and me are rocking it out over here at… I mean _The blue donkey shall stop for water at noon._ fnord ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/8 "2004-05-01T19:53:54Z")
Purple. Monkey. Dishwasher. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/9 "2004-05-01T20:30:05Z")
I could kill you, but I’d have to tell you. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/10 "2004-05-01T20:44:46Z")
Take the first left, go three blocks, turn right, and right again. Look for the dark-green door with the withered Chirstmas wreath. Go past it to the brown door with the brass knocker, and knock “Shave and a haricut.” Do NOT add “two bits.” When the woman in the blue smock opens the door, say “The wet duck never flies at night.” She will give you a twist of paper. Walk two blocks south, then four and a half blocks east. Open the paper and follow the directions EXACTLY. Do NOT look behind you when you do this. Do NOT scream, no matter what happens. fnord ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2004, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/11 "2004-05-01T22:53:56Z")
Damrn, i missed the party, Amelia Earhart was supposed to pick me up at the wheatfield circles but she didn´t show up. :mad: I´ll have a word or two with her next time we meet. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/12 "2004-05-02T00:55:41Z")
HMPH! :rolleyes: Here I am, stuck maintaining the 1920’s Style Death Rays in the Orbiting Mind Control Space Station, and you guys get to whoop it up! :dubious: No party, and the only company is that stiff-looking dude over in Thunderbird 5. Some holiday. ---
**Author:** ![Lando\_Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f17d59/32.png) [@Lando\_Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lando_Griffin)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/13 "2004-05-02T01:04:45Z")
> [@nocturnal\_tick](#): > > Of course you haven’t got Hendrix. Him and me are rocking it out over here at… While you’re at it, [Obscure Simpsons Reference]tell him to pick up his dog[/OSR] Hijack- nocturnal\_tick, do you post under nocturnal\_n on Sharing the Groove? ---
**Author:** ![Lando\_Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f17d59/32.png) [@Lando\_Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lando_Griffin)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/14 "2004-05-02T01:07:03Z")
\*I am in no way affiliated with Sharing the Groove FNORD! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/15 "2004-05-02T04:41:02Z")
> [@](#): > > Sssssshhhhhh, you idiot. We must not reveal our secrets. > [@](#): > > Sigh…now you’ve told. The men in black will be at your door soon. Amateurs. Revealing my plans in this thread was all part of my secret evil plot to rule the world. And to prove it, I will now post a sinister laugh. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2004, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-hail-the-secret-masters/242993/16 "2004-05-02T18:56:40Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > Amateurs. Revealing my plans in this thread was all part of my secret evil plot to rule the world. And to prove it, I will now post a sinister laugh. > > BWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Yes, but are you stroking a pet cat while you laugh. You have got to remember the details. > [@Lando Griffin](#): > > Hijack- nocturnal\_tick, do you post under nocturnal\_n on Sharing the Groove? What is this “Sharing the Groove”? I must find this imposter. BTW, I just want to thank {post edited} for those outrageous {post edited} he brought to the {post edited} on the night. Oh man could he {post edited} the {post edited} right up into the {post edited}. I thought {post edited} would {post edited} his {post edited} but then {post edited}, {post edited} and {post edited} just {post edited} the {post edited} and then {post edited}. Oh some fun times. fnord