# “All I know is…” and other universal laws **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 31, 2024, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914 "2024-01-31T14:43:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/1 "2024-01-31T14:43:11Z")
Stratocaster’s Law: > [@](#): > > Any comment that begins with “All I know is…” will invariably be followed by a gross oversimplification or outright inaccuracy in response to a much more complex issue or circumstance. Examples: “All I know is that it’s hot in the summary and cold in the winter, just like it’s always been.” (In response to concerns re: climate change.) “All I know is that when there was prayer in school there weren’t all these mass shootings.” “All I know is that my portfolio was higher under Trump.” If someone has already memorialized this as a law, it certainly isn’t as elegant and pithy as mine, so I still win. Anyway, please share your thoughts or other universal laws. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/2 "2024-01-31T15:01:21Z")
Anybody who starts a statement with “All I know” is usually about to demonstrate that all they know isn’t enough. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/3 "2024-01-31T15:10:25Z")
Ron Reagan said his father, America’s revered 40th president, would always end their political discussions with that phrase. I caught a video that describes the conservative refuge in simplistic dismissal [You Can’t get Snakes from Chicken Eggs](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dF98ii6r_gU) ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/4 "2024-01-31T15:47:40Z")
People mean “All I care about is…”. They say “All I know is…” because pleading ignorance doesn’t sound as bad as outright selfishness. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/5 "2024-01-31T16:21:21Z")
Is “All I know is…” anything like “…but there is one thing I do know”? [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/2AzAFqrxfeY/maxresdefault.jpg "Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer - SNL") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AzAFqrxfeY&t=119) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/6 "2024-01-31T18:19:49Z")
If aliens had no knowledge of the words _“With,” “All,” “Due,”_ and _“Respect,”_ and monitored our broadcasts, they’d conclude that the prefatory phrase means _“Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/7 "2024-01-31T19:08:25Z")
“All I know is what I read is the papers” - Will Rogers Liar. He knew a lot more. ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/8 "2024-01-31T19:34:59Z")
Exactly! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/9 "2024-01-31T19:47:05Z")
Out Darn Standing, Sir. All I know is, I saw it on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/10 "2024-01-31T19:50:13Z")
I would propose another law, “Everyone Knows That” will be an example of a damned odd opinion the person holds. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/11 "2024-01-31T20:13:15Z")
All I know is it _can_ always get worse. ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/12 "2024-01-31T20:14:02Z")
Okay, I’ll give you that one. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2024, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/13 "2024-01-31T20:39:18Z")
Any action committed after someone utters the phrase “Hold my beer” will be disastrous. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2024, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/14 "2024-02-01T01:03:38Z")
Last week, I heard, “All I know is my brother got a covid vaccine, and then he died of a heart attack.” (two years later, in his 70’s) ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2024, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/15 "2024-02-01T07:26:08Z")
All I know is, horizontal surfaces attract crap. ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2024, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/16 "2024-02-01T14:18:47Z")
That one comes up a lot with flu vaccines. “All I know is my sister got the vaccine and it gave her the flu.” “Um, no. Your sister had already been infected when she got the vaccine. The vaccine cannot give you the flu.” “All I know is she didn’t have the flu, she got the vaccine, and then she had the flu.” Repeat ad infinitum. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2024, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/17 "2024-02-01T15:46:34Z")
Other universal laws… “No offense, but…” is always followed by an offensive statement. The preliminary part does nothing to soften the following part, either; if anything, it causes the recipient to tense up, knowing they are about to hear something offensive. “You look tired” really means “you look like crap”. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2024, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/18 "2024-02-01T15:57:36Z")
> [@Stratocaster](#): > > That one comes up a lot with flu vaccines. “All I know is my sister got the vaccine and it gave her the flu.” > > “Um, no. Your sister had already been infected when she got the vaccine. The vaccine cannot give you the flu.” > > “All I know is she didn’t have the flu, she got the vaccine, and then she had the flu.” > > Repeat ad infinitum. “All I know is my sister got the flu vaccine and two weeks later, she was run over by a truck.”’ “You can’t blame the vaccine for that.” “Sure I can. If she had caught the flu, she would have been home sick and nowhere near that truck.” ---
**Author:** ![BrickBat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac91a4/32.png) [@BrickBat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrickBat)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2024, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/19 "2024-02-01T15:57:39Z")
Related, or in parallel to the lame “All I know is…” the equally infuriating “I’m just saying” whenever somebody can’t defend a factually or logically incorrect BS statement. If the atmosphere was permeated with truth serum vapor, “All I know” and “I’m just saying” would come out as “touche”. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2024, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914/20 "2024-02-01T18:46:59Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > If aliens had no knowledge of the words _“With,” “All,” “Due,”_ and _“Respect,”_ and monitored our broadcasts, they’d conclude that the prefatory phrase means _“Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck.”_ With the greatest possible respect to fans of _Yes, Prime Minister_, there are levels to this. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-i-know-is-and-other-universal-laws/996914.md?page=2)