# All right, I'll ask. Being a jerk via PM? **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [March 17, 2010, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750 "2010-03-17T13:17:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Fiveroptic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiveroptic/32/8257_2.png) [@Fiveroptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiveroptic)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/21 "2010-03-17T15:33:57Z")
Oh dear lord, **Marley**. :rolleyes: Really, words elude me. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/22 "2010-03-17T15:36:05Z")
> [@aldiboronti](#): > > Complaining of harassment is now considered a breach of the rules? Sure, I agree there would have been no grounds for her claim but surely she’s entitled to put her case, however feeble? She’s entitled to disagree with the warning if she wants to do that, absolutely, and she can deal with that by PMs or threads if she thinks the warning was wrong. That’s not what this is about. It’s about her trying to get in another dig by saying she’ll make a false complaint. > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Lemme get this straight. She received a PM about the warning, and in her response she was mean to you, so you responded with a second warning for “being a jerk.” Then some discussion ensued “Some discussion” = she asked a question and I answered it. It wasn’t a protracted discussion. > [@](#): > > she didn’t feel like talking to you anymore, and said any further PMs from you she would construe as harassment, which you took to mean she would start a thread about it, which would interfere with your job (somehow) I didn’t say a thread would interfere with my moderating. (It wouldn’t.) I said that posters don’t get to try to stop the staff from moderating (making a warning or explaining one when asked) by making threats. > [@](#): > > so you suspended her. After the staff agreed it was warranted, yes. > [@](#): > > Aside from how laughable this “being a jerk business is” (She wasn’t nice to me in a PM!), you keep using this word “threat.” I would prefer that you didn’t. Tough. I think it’s the correct word for this. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/23 "2010-03-17T15:36:37Z")
Well, she’s going to be insufferable now. She already gloats about learning Krav Maga; when she finds out she’s Fremen there’ll be no living with her. Who knew consideration could be threatening? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/24 "2010-03-17T15:43:04Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I didn’t say a thread would interfere with my moderating. (It wouldn’t.) I said that posters don’t get to try to stop the staff from moderating (making a warning or explaining one when asked) by making threats. 1. If it doesn’t interfere with your moderating, how is her claiming she’ll do something that will not interfere with moderating a threat to stop the staff from moderating? 2) Ignore 1. When did she threaten to do anything? All she said is she would “consider” additional PMs as harassment. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/25 "2010-03-17T15:44:22Z")
Some I consider harassment, some I just consider. ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/26 "2010-03-17T15:44:29Z")
That is the flimsiest basis for a suspension I have ever seen. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/27 "2010-03-17T15:44:52Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > She’s entitled to disagree with the warning if she wants to do that, absolutely, and she can deal with that by PMs or threads if she thinks the warning was wrong. That’s not what this is about. It’s about her trying to get in another dig by saying she’ll make a false complaint. OK, I’m confused. Is this the part where she says she will make a false complaint? > [@](#): > > Please do not PM me again. Continued PMs from you will be considered harassment. If so, where exactly does she say that? Where is the assertion that she will complain? Where is the evidence that it would be false, for that matter? If she considers it to be harassment then then she considers it to be harassment. What’s false about that? ---
**Author:** ![akennett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee59a6/32.png) [@akennett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/akennett)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/28 "2010-03-17T15:48:13Z")
Wow Marley, could you be any more ridiculous in your modding? ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/29 "2010-03-17T15:51:47Z")
Wow. Just wow. Between this and Czarcasm’s ridiculous and unwarranted closing of the “psychotic” thoughts thread, I’m just appalled at the direction that moderation has taken here. I thought things might calm down and settle into a more even-handed pattern after everything went off the rails some months back, but instead the weirdly personal and wildly inconsistent interpretation of the rules continues unabated. Holy shit. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/30 "2010-03-17T15:52:55Z")
Annoying modding, there. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/31 "2010-03-17T15:54:12Z")
Well, to view things from the other side, I think Sleeps with Butterflies is something of a delicate flower herself, if she thinks that someone replying to her PMs is harassment. She could just stop sending PMs to Marley23, and he would stop sending replies, and voilà! Problem solved with no drama. I think to complain about moderators sending your PMs about board actions is being incredibly sensitive. And personally, I think that posters getting all up in arms over a one-week suspension are showing themselves to have the susceptible natures that they accuse Marley23 of having. I don’t know Sleeps with Butterflies very well, but from reading her posts, I think she is the kind of person well able to not post at the SDMB for 7 days and survive. It’s not the end of the world, people. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/32 "2010-03-17T15:58:29Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > Well, to view things from the other side, I think Sleeps with Butterflies is something of a delicate flower herself, if she thinks that someone replying to her PMs is harassment. She could just stop sending PMs to Marley23, and he would stop sending replies, and voilà! Problem solved with no drama. I think to complain about moderators sending your PMs about board actions is being incredibly sensitive. > > And personally, I think that posters getting all up in arms over a one-week suspension are showing themselves to have the susceptible natures that they accuse Marley23 of having. I don’t know Sleeps with Butterflies very well, but from reading her posts, I think she is the kind of person well able to not post at the SDMB for 7 days and survive. It’s not the end of the world, people. 😉 I feel you on that whole post. Still, it is irratating when the mods don’t ‘rise above’ so to speak. He can look at that whole thing and just let it go. He didn’t have to pull out the suspend wand. And you know, suspensions rack up and turn into bannings. A LOT of posters that I find funny and interesting on these boards have been banned. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/33 "2010-03-17T15:59:47Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Annoying modding, there. Does this mean you _consider_ his actions to be annoying? That’s a threat. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/34 "2010-03-17T16:03:02Z")
> [@tacoloco](#): > > IIRC, Mods are prohibited from reading anyone else’s PMs. There’s no prohibited about it. We’re not able to read anyone else’s PMs. > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > 1. If it doesn’t interfere with your moderating, how is her claiming she’ll do something that will not interfere with moderating a threat to stop the staff from moderating? Her starting a thread would not cause a problem. We deal with a lot of those. She said she’d make make a complaint she knows has no basis, which is a threat to make problems because I did something she didn’t like. > [@](#): > > 1. Ignore 1. When did she threaten to do anything? All she said is she would “consider” additional PMs as harassment. You’re right, she wasn’t one to complain about the moderating around here. I’m sure she didn’t mean to imply that she’d tell anyone else. 😉 Seriously, how does the concept of harrassment even come into play here? Our conversation went like this: Warning [from the thread] Reply Second warning Reply with a question Answer to question “Further PMs will be considered harrassment.” I do have better things to do than chat with **Sleeps With Butterflies**. If she doesn’t want to hear anything else, not responding to my answer would have done the job. Plenty of other answers also would have worked. Instead she went with the harrassment angle and this is what she got. You always have options if you think a mod has screwed up or dealt with you unfairly. Saying ‘I’ll tell people you harrassed me and wouldn’t leave me alone’ to to prevent a mod from giving a warning or answering a question about a warning is not one of those options. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/35 "2010-03-17T16:04:39Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > I feel you on that whole post. Still, it is irratating when the mods don’t ‘rise above’ so to speak. You know, as a poster, if more people were able to ‘rise above’ and take the warnings for what they are worth, instead of thinking “let me find a clever way, without breaking the rules, to poke the moderator with a stick because he (_GASP_) sent me a PM to explain his decision”, then there would be a lot less of those bannings that you deplore. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/36 "2010-03-17T16:05:30Z")
**Marley,** Where did she threaten to complain? How is her assertion false? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/37 "2010-03-17T16:08:06Z")
**Arnold** , I’m not disagreeing with you. If it were me, I’d probably just have ignored the PM, but if I decided to be snippy instead, that warrants suspension for “threats”? Just… come on now. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/38 "2010-03-17T16:09:23Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > **Arnold** , I’m not disagreeing with you. If it were me, I’d probably just have ignored the PM, but if I decided to be snippy instead, that warrants suspension for “threats”? Just… come on now. A one-week suspension, and people want to make a federal case out of it? Just… come on now. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/39 "2010-03-17T16:10:46Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > A one-week suspension, and people want to make a federal case out of it? Just… come on now. Starting a thread asking about what “threat” was involved equals making a federal case out of it? Just… come on now. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/40 "2010-03-17T16:11:06Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > A one-week suspension, and people want to make a federal case out of it? Just… come on now. No one is making a federal case out of it, but if someone is suspended for no reason at all, the community has a right and a responsibility to question it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750.md?page=3)