# All right, I'll ask. Being a jerk via PM? **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [March 17, 2010, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750 "2010-03-17T13:17:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/41 "2010-03-17T16:11:58Z")
You forgot to add “come on now.” ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/42 "2010-03-17T16:15:55Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > No one is making a federal case out of it, but if someone is suspended for no reason at all I disagree on the “no reason at all”. A moderator sends a PM about a warning, poster asks “why”, moderator answers “explaining why”, poster answers moderator with a thinly disguised “screw you moderator” (I belive the consensus is that Sleeps with Butterflies responded in the way she did to irritate the moderator) - I don’t see why a mild suspension is out of place. come on now! ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/43 "2010-03-17T16:19:55Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Starting a thread asking about what “threat” was involved equals making a federal case out of it? Not necessarily, but complaining that the punishment Sleeps with Butterflies received is so unfair is going overboard. IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/44 "2010-03-17T16:22:30Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > Well, to view things from the other side, I think Sleeps with Butterflies is something of a delicate flower herself, if she thinks that someone replying to her PMs is harassment. She could just stop sending PMs to Marley23, and he would stop sending replies, and voilà! Problem solved with no drama. I think to complain about moderators sending your PMs about board actions is being incredibly sensitive. I’m going to assume you’re aware that Marley sent several (unnecessary) PM’s in addition to the board’s automatic notification PM. If you want to be precise: no follow up PM was necessary by Marley to begin with. But I understand your opinion that posters should be the responsible parties when it comes to judgment in board procedure. Moderator is a privilege, not a responsibility and Sleeps should have known that she bore the brunt of that. > [@](#): > > And personally, I think that posters getting all up in arms over a one-week suspension are showing themselves to have the susceptible natures that they accuse Marley23 of having. I don’t know Sleeps with Butterflies very well, but from reading her posts, I think she is the kind of person well able to not post at the SDMB for 7 days and survive. It’s not the end of the world, people. 😉 It’s not a question of whether or not it’s ‘livable.’ It’s a question of whether or not it was appropriate moderation. It wasn’t. Nice try at deflection, though. > [@Marley23](#): > > You’re right, she wasn’t one to complain about the moderating around here. I’m sure she didn’t mean to imply that she’d tell anyone else. 😉 And I’m sure you didn’t mean to read more into it than was actually there. 😉 > [@](#): > > You always have options if you think a mod has screwed up or dealt with you unfairly. Saying ‘I’ll tell people you harassed me and wouldn’t leave me alone’ to to prevent a mod from giving a warning or answering a question about a warning is not one of those options. Nor is it even what she said. It’s what you want to read into it. What I read was: ‘enough with the PM’s already.’ Now, considering that the automatic system from the board’s software spat out its own PM’s/emails informing her of her warnings, did you really need to follow those up with PM’s written by you personally? I’m sure you meant to point out that she got 4 PM’s (at least), but it just slipped your mind, right? Because otherwise, it sounds like you’re saying all she got were 2 PM’s and then just flipped out. As opposed to getting at least 4 and telling you to stop. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/45 "2010-03-17T16:22:37Z")
Arnold, I am starting to rethink this a bit. I think that if a mod tries to do his mod thing, and a poster implies that she will accuse him of harrassment, there may be some cause to give her a bit of a time out. A mod shouldn’t have to worry about that while trying to mod. That said, I sure do depend on the chuckles I get on the dope to get me through my work day…I hate that a lot of the funny or interesting posters end up suspended or banned or whatever. > [@](#): > > trying to keep MeanOldLady happy … You’re gonna need some bourbon. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/46 "2010-03-17T16:22:41Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > I disagree on the “no reason at all”. A moderator sends a PM about a warning, poster asks “why”, moderator answers “explaining why”, poster answers moderator with a thinly disguised “screw you moderator” (I belive the consensus is that Sleeps with Butterflies responded in the way she did to irritate the moderator) - I don’t see why a mild suspension is out of place. > come on now! \*\*Marley \*\*claims that he was threatened with a false complaint, not that he was irritated. But let’s assume he was. Irritating a mod is grounds for suspension now? Really? And as to Marley’s actual claim : Where is the threat? Where is the falsehood? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/47 "2010-03-17T16:23:43Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Arnold, I am starting to rethink this a bit. I think that if a mod tries to do his mod thing, and a poster implicates that she will accuse him of harrassment, there may be some cause to give her a bit of a time out. Where did she say she would accuse him of harassment? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/48 "2010-03-17T16:25:27Z")
I hereby deem _Mods Gone Wild II: Return to Molehill Mountain_ to be the lamest sequel of 2010. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/49 "2010-03-17T16:30:24Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > Not necessarily, but complaining that the punishment Sleeps with Butterflies received is so unfair is going overboard. IMHO. More than anything, I was curious about the nature of this alleged “threat,” because it struck me as highly unlikely that the PM was in any way threatening. Now that I see it, I still don’t see it as threatening, and think \*\*Marley \*\*was irritated by her being snarky, so he suspended her. Biggest deal in the world? Yes… no, wait, I mean no. Silly moderation nonetheless? To each his own. > [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > … You’re gonna need some bourbon. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/50 "2010-03-17T16:31:20Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > Where did she say she would accuse him of harassment? Damn. You quoted me before I edited, and I used the word ‘implicates’ incorrectly. I meant to say ‘implies’. I don’t really know that I agree that she implied that. I can see how Marly thinks so though. Don’t bother taking your war to me, though, because I don’t want to see the girl suspended at all. Geez. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/51 "2010-03-17T16:33:15Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Don’t bother taking your war to me, though, because I don’t want to see the girl suspended at all. Geez. It’s not a war. Sorry if asking for clarification twists your knockers. Geez Louise. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/52 "2010-03-17T16:33:58Z")
> [@Syntropy](#): > > I’m going to assume you’re aware that Marley sent several (unnecessary) PM’s in addition to the board’s automatic notification PM. If you want to be precise: no follow up PM was necessary by Marley to begin with. I remember several threads in the past with people asking “can’t you send out a PM when a poster gets a warning? How will they know otherwise that they will get a warning”? Now there is the complaint “I’m getting TWO PMs for each warning! The second PM is SUPERFLUOUS!” Sorry, I can’t take that complaint seriously. > [@](#): > > It’s not a question of whether or not it’s ‘livable.’ It’s a question of whether or not it was appropriate moderation. It wasn’t. We’ll just have to disagree on that then. I don’t think it’s inappropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/53 "2010-03-17T16:36:19Z")
> [@Polycarp](#): > > PM technically stands for “Personal Message” – i.e., one sent directly to another person, not posted for the membership at large – not “Private Message”. This is what it says at the top right hand margin of my screen. I’ll bold the significant part. Welcome, Contrapuntal. You last visited: Yesterday at 06:42 PM **Private Messages** : Unread 0, Total 38. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/54 "2010-03-17T16:39:46Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > I remember several threads in the past with people asking “can’t you send out a PM when a poster gets a warning? How will they know otherwise that they will get a warning”? Now there is the complaint “I’m getting TWO PMs for each warning! The second PM is SUPERFLUOUS!” Sorry, I can’t take that complaint seriously. You really like this whole tactic of minimizing and ridiculing valid concerns, don’t you? Do you work for our Federal Government? > [@](#): > > We’ll just have to disagree on that then. I don’t think it’s inappropriate. You don’t think suspending someone over saying ‘don’t bother me anymore’ is an inappropriate use of moderation? Good for you. Have a cookie. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/55 "2010-03-17T16:39:51Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > It’s not a war. Sorry if asking for clarification twists your knockers. Geez Louise. ‘Take your war’ is just a bit of slang and figure of speech. Geez Louise on cheese. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/56 "2010-03-17T16:40:37Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > **Marley,** > > Where did she threaten to complain? I posted it. > [@](#): > > How is her assertion false? Poster A asks a mod a question. The mod answers. Has the mod harrassed the poster? People here already know they can protest anything we do. So if you have a complaint about something a mod does, complain away. That’s not a problem. On the other hand, trying to shut down discussion by making stuff up is not encouraged. I don’t think we have to tolerate people doing what **Sleeps With Butterflies** did here. It hasn’t been a problem in the past but I don’t expect it to be one in the future either. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/57 "2010-03-17T16:47:33Z")
> [@Syntropy](#): > > I’m going to assume you’re aware that Marley sent several (unnecessary) PM’s in addition to the board’s automatic notification PM. If you want to be precise: no follow up PM was necessary by Marley to begin with. It sounds like you think I sent kept sending messages to her until I get a response. I didn’t. She sent me a PM in response to the automatic warning notification, and I responded to what she said. Most warning notifications don’t get answered and I don’t seek any further comment or acknowledgement on those. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/58 "2010-03-17T16:53:29Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I posted it. Come on Marley. Where in what you posted was the threat. I asked this specifically upthread, and now you duck and weave. Where in that Private Message was any threat to complain. Specifically, please. > [@](#): > > Poster A asks a mod a question. The mod answers. Has the mod harrassed the poster? A person says that she considers X to be harassment. Is she telling the truth? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/59 "2010-03-17T17:02:01Z")
She said further PMs would be construed as harrassment. I don’t think it meant she was simply going to be unhappy and not tell anyone. What kind of sense would that make? And no, there is no way that answering a single question qualifies as harrassment. I dealt with the same two questions in my last post, and this is the last time I’m going to answer them. I’m not going play another round of “ **Contrapuntal** asks the same question over and over because he doesn’t like the answer.” ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/60 "2010-03-17T17:02:08Z")
> [@Syntropy](#): > > You really like this whole tactic of minimizing and ridiculing valid concerns, don’t you? Do you work for our Federal Government? Two PMs instead of one is a valid concern? Yes, I guess I am out of touch with the latest in the evil doings of the Powers That Be. I’l have to go dig out my latest copy of the _Illumaniti Conspiracy_ - I’ve been remiss in keeping up with that fine publication, what with all the time I’ve been spending flying my black helicopter over your neighbourhood. 🙂 > [@](#): > > You don’t think suspending someone over saying ‘don’t bother me anymore’ is an inappropriate use of moderation? No, I don’t think that responding to a moderator explaining “here is why you got a warning” with a message saying “if you keep on replying to my PMs asking you about my warning, I’m going to consider this harassment” is an inappropriate use of moderation. Thanks for the cookie! Chocolate chip? Keep 'em coming! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750.md?page=4)