# All right, I'll ask. Being a jerk via PM? **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [March 17, 2010, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750 "2010-03-17T13:17:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/141 "2010-03-17T23:37:17Z")
No. It was a non existent ‘threat’ from a poster that posts to other boards. Again; I don’t blame you for not being around for the context, but I do think that when that context is pointed out and you dismiss it out of hand, you’re being a bit blind. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/142 "2010-03-17T23:48:42Z")
> [@Syntropy](#): > > No. It was a non existent ‘threat’ from a poster that posts to other boards. Again; I don’t blame you for not being around for the context, but I do think that when that context is pointed out and you dismiss it out of hand, you’re being a bit blind. ☹ I really don’t know what context you’re referring to. I’ve been reading this thread and it just seems clear to me. You keep saying it’s a non-existent threat but I keep pointing back to the post by Arnold, because I don’t know any other way to word it. It was basically close enough to be considered a threat, you shouldn’t have to sit there and try to interpret and agonize over what a poster _really_ meant. A poster that posts to other boards?? As in besides Straight Dope? I don’t know what that has to do with this? ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2010, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/143 "2010-03-17T23:56:28Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > ☹ > > I really don’t know what context you’re referring to. I’ve been reading this thread and it just seems clear to me. You keep saying it’s a non-existent threat but I keep pointing back to the post by Arnold, because I don’t know any other way to word it. It was basically close enough to be considered a threat, you shouldn’t have to sit there and try to interpret and agonize over what a poster _really_ meant. You’re right. I don’t. Know why? Because I actually bothered to ask Sleeps. If you’ve read the entire thread, you’ve probably gathered that by now. > [@](#): > > A poster that posts to other boards?? As in besides Straight Dope? I don’t know what that has to do with this? Exactly. You don’t know what it has to do with this, hence the lack of context for you. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/144 "2010-03-18T00:08:31Z")
> [@Syntropy](#): > > Exactly. You don’t know what it has to do with this, hence the lack of context for you. Then I have to go off of what I see. People keep saying that the mods attack anyone who doesn’t suck up to them, or that they’re reacting impulsively. I haven’t seen that at all. The mods met and decided what was to be done with Sleeps. Are you suggesting that there is a moderator conspiracy out to get Sleeps? If so, why don’t they just ban her, instead of threatening to ban her if she keeps up her behavior? In the end, I don’t think the response was heavy-handed. ---
**Author:** ![tacoloco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tacoloco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tacoloco)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/145 "2010-03-18T00:13:53Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Then I have to go off of what I see. I’m not sure how many different ways people need to say that what you _see_ is not the whole story. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/146 "2010-03-18T00:17:27Z")
> [@tacoloco](#): > > I’m not sure how many different ways people need to say that what you _see_ is not the whole story. Yeah. They’ve said that what I’m seeing isn’t the whole story. Then what is? So far I haven’t been convinced that things aren’t how I described them. I can’t just tell myself “well, they say I’m not seeing the whole story here, so I guess that’s the truth of it.” My admittedly limited exposure of the moderators, and Marley in particular, on this board has been enough to tell me, for now, that they seem to be a cool group of dudes. It’s like going back to the police officer analogy me and others were juggling with earlier. The speeder can’t just tell me “well, there is more than you’re seeing. I wasn’t really being a pain in the ass. I didn’t deserve that ticket. Why? You’ve got to _read between the lines._” It’s all good talk, but that alone isn’t enough to clear him. Despite other people’s fears of admitting when they’re wrong, I don’t really have such inhibitions. But I haven’t seen anything that tells me I am. So I guess all you can take from that is that I’m not just trying to be difficult. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/147 "2010-03-18T00:19:29Z")
No, I’m suggesting that due to the context of which you are by your own admission not aware, the modmins are less inclined to be as objective to Sleeps or various other posters that step across the line as they are, say, a pedophile who likes to post about his fantasies to the point of squicking out half the posting body. Repeatedly. Over several months. choie’s post sums it up rather well, and it’s not like she’s one of the people you seem to consider ‘against the mods’: > [@choie](#): > > Yowsa. **Marley23** , I’m not one of the usual suspect complainers. I both appreciate your mod style and get a kick out of you as a poster. I don’t think I’ve had a problem with your decisions before. I’m further not a big fan of **Sleeps** , who sometimes seems like a shit-stirrer. And finally, I’m also a board administrator who can totally sympathize with the pain of dealing with obnoxious, petty-minded quibblers who loooove stepping toes over the line and then, when you tell ‘em to knock it off, bat their eyelashes and are all "who, li’l ol’ _me_?" > > All this said? I really can’t see “I’ll consider this harassment” as being worth a suspension, much less a week. Even if she’d said “I’ll consider this harassment and will take action accordingly,” she might just have meant putting you on Ignore. It might have been a better idea for another mod to PM her and ask her to clarify … giving her rope to hang herself with, for example, if she responded with “I’ll post on ATMB and complain to Ed!” (I still can’t see that as being against the rules or jerkish, but maybe I’m missing some nuance of the situation. Wouldn’t be the first time!) > > It’s just the scale here. **lissener** racked up SIX different warnings for outrageous putzitude, not to mention having a past of having been suspended once already, and earned himself a mere thirty-day suspension. And **Sleeps** gets 1/4 of that punishment for something so iffy and potentially misunderstood anyway? > > A week’s suspension isn’t that big a deal, that’s for sure. I’m not worried that **Sleeps with Butterflies** will languish in limbo or anything. More concerning is the overall impression that such a mod overreaction will create on the plebescite. This will undoubtedly cause more _tsuris_ to the community, at least those who notice it, than it will to **Sleeps** herself. > > I dunno, guys. I usually have your backs, but this feels wrong to me. I wonder if you might rethink this? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/148 "2010-03-18T00:24:54Z")
You’re suggesting that **Sleeps** ’ suspension is revenge for a history of obnoxiousness? And while **choie** ’s post is a good one, it doesn’t really reference this context that you keep mentioning, that I seem to be missing. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/149 "2010-03-18T00:33:32Z")
I know. I’m sorry. There’s a reason posters tip toe around the subject matter. ‘The recent unpleasantness’ caused a great deal of hard feelings, and a lot of people are still touchy enough that it seems like that invisible line still exists…don’t cross it, don’t talk about it, let’s put it behind us even though we all know it’s still right there. So in order to avoid what is likely to turn into a giant ugly situation, I’m going to reply to you via PM. I will try to keep it as unbiased as I can, but bear in mind that I am human and as prone to subjectivism as anyone else. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/150 "2010-03-18T00:46:08Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > You’re suggesting that **Sleeps** ’ suspension is revenge for a history of obnoxiousness? No, they’re suggesting that **Sleeps** ’s suspension is related to the fact that she posts on one of the “splinter boards”, some message boards that were created by members of the SDMB who split off from this board because they were unhappy with some rule changes that were made around this time last year. I don’t know enough about the situation to say whether that’s true, but I don’t understand why people are avoiding saying what they mean. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/151 "2010-03-18T01:51:20Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > The ambiguity is over what “consider it harassment” means. Does that mean “If you continue to PM me I will be annoyed” or does it mean “If you continue to PM me I will file a complaint”? I do not think it is a stretch to interpret it as the second. Especially since **Marley** has already been accused of inappropriate PMing (also meritless). > > Anyway, how big a threat is “filing a complaint”? > > I guess the situational ambiguity is trying to consider the merits of allowing a poster to drop threats of complaints against a Mod for doing the Mod’s job. **Irish** , I try not to say nice things to people, on account of being Empress Asshole, or whatever my name is, but I have long taken a liking to you, and this post is key. Some things: Thing 1) I posted this thread because I was dying to know what “threat” \*\*Sleeps \*\*ponied up that resulted in a warning. 2) Yes, it does boil down to “what consider it harassment” means. The question: "_Does that mean “If you continue to PM me I will be annoyed” or does it mean “If you continue to PM me I will file a complaint”?_ Based on the words alone, I’d consider it the former. But even if it meant the egregious offense of (gasp!) writing an ATMB thread, zOMG BFD, it’s not a suspend-worthy threat, considering how many threads we have around here about dubious moderation. All in all, lads and lasses, I just wanted to know what threat Sleeps made. I got my answer, and it would take some serious stretching for me to consider (oh shit, the other forbidden “C” word!) what she said was a threat. So here we are. Happy Wednesday, all. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/152 "2010-03-18T03:39:55Z")
Moderators, I would like to know your opinion of having the following as the minimum standard by which you judge jerkish behavior at the SDMB from this point forward: > [@](#): > > “If you communicate with me any more, I will consider this harassment.” Anything that egregious or worse used against fellow Dopers should be deemed worthy of a warning, suspension or possible banning. How dare anyone tell us what they will think under certain circumstances! Maybe we should put that in our signatures to remind ourselves of what the new standard is. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/153 "2010-03-18T03:47:46Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > Maybe we should put that in our signatures to remind ourselves of what the new standard is. Speaking of which: I’m not seeing anyone’s signatures, despite having the option to see them checked in my CP. There’s even an option for avatars. Why am I not seeing avatars or signatures? \>.\< ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/154 "2010-03-18T04:10:34Z")
Let’s not pretend that it was said in a vacuum, though - after you get two warnings from a mod, “If you communicate with me any more, I will consider this harassment.” is not the correct response if you want to continue with your posting privileges. Something along the lines of, “My bad. I got carried away.” will go a lot further. As for the mod response being because of splinter boards, that’s bullshit. I was a founding member of both boards, and I still manage to post here without getting warned and suspended, as do a whole bunch of us. I’ve bitched and complained right along with the most vocal - in fact, I was bitching and complaining here as recently as yesterday. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/155 "2010-03-18T04:11:37Z")
**AClockworkMelon** , I don’t know why you aren’t seeing the sigs, but we don’t have avatars here (unfortunately). ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/156 "2010-03-18T04:55:25Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Let’s not pretend that it was said in a vacuum, though - after you get two warnings from a mod, “If you communicate with me any more, I will consider this harassment.” is not the correct response if you want to continue with your posting privileges. Something along the lines of, “My bad. I got carried away.” will go a lot further. > > As for the mod response being because of splinter boards, that’s bullshit. I was a founding member of both boards, and I still manage to post here without getting warned and suspended, as do a whole bunch of us. I’ve bitched and complained right along with the most vocal - in fact, I was bitching and complaining here as recently as yesterday. Thank you! > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > **AClockworkMelon** , I don’t know why you aren’t seeing the sigs, but we don’t have avatars here (unfortunately). Grr. Anyone else know of problems with the sigs? If not I’ll open it up in another thread and see what’s what. The default option in my CP was to NOT show signatures but even with that corrected I’m not seeing 'em. ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/157 "2010-03-18T05:23:07Z")
Has anyone been displaying Sigs, **ACM**? There is an option for us to put our sigs onto a post or not. People tend to not display their sigs with every post they make. Here i’ll check the box for this post to do it and you can try to see if you see it. Also for what it’s worth, don’t worry about **Tacoloco**. You’re doing just fine here holding your own against these “old-timers”. We’re all set in our ways, but you’re certainly hanging in there just fine in this thread. And one final comment to round out the Opal triad- Is there really STILL butthurt feelings about the splinter boards? I figure the admins and the moderators are fine with the G-boards/Meebo boards because I do recall a few of them having accounts there as well as here- or at least an “ask the Moderator” thread from over there. But is there really a pervasive feeling that there exists some animosity between the powers that be here and the other boards? Because those boards are doing quite fine on their own, and I assume these boards are okay with it, and treat it just like any other board out there in their policies and such. And it certainly is no SnarkBoard that’s for sure- but it seems that a few of the feelings here seem to have this “us vs. them” mentality of being oppressed even still- is that the case (he asked to the Moderators still reading this thread or to the masses in general)? If there was a way to make a Moderator’s poll that’d be nice to get their opinions on how they feel about it, it’d be nice to clear the air, as I assume they’re taking the “live and let live” stance towards the boards. Or has that somewhat changed? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/158 "2010-03-18T06:11:15Z")
> [@ToeJam](#): > > Has anyone been displaying Sigs, **ACM**? There is an option for us to put our sigs onto a post or not. People tend to not display their sigs with every post they make. > > Here i’ll check the box for this post to do it and you can try to see if you see it. Now I feel silly. 😛 Yeah, I see it. Thanks. > [@](#): > > Also for what it’s worth, don’t worry about **Tacoloco**. You’re doing just fine here holding your own against these “old-timers”. We’re all set in our ways, but you’re certainly hanging in there just fine in this thread. Thanks for the vote of confidence. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/159 "2010-03-18T07:23:33Z")
I can’t even make it through the entire thread. This pisses me off so bad. You have flat out told us you will not moderate PMs. So you don’t get the luxury of moderating your own. You’ve stepped beyond your powers, and did so because someone annoyed you. You do not deserve to be on staff at all if you are going to abuse your powers like this. ---
**Author:** ![kidneyfailure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9f8e36/32.png) [@kidneyfailure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidneyfailure)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750/160 "2010-03-18T08:52:05Z")
> [@akennett](#): > > Wow Marley, could you be any more ridiculous in your modding? Seriously. Too bad we non-mods don’t get to suspend people for being jerks… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-ill-ask-being-a-jerk-via-pm/532750.md?page=9)