# All right, wiseacres! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 19, 1999, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068 "1999-11-19T01:14:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 1999, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/21 "1999-11-19T15:37:00Z")
Rectum? It damn near killed him! ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 1999, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/22 "1999-11-19T15:41:00Z")
If you waited all day for me to come by, that sure IS a loser thread! 😃 * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 1999, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/23 "1999-11-19T15:42:00Z")
:::UncaBeer’s hand shoots up::: I know, I know, lemme answer this on Uke. Actually I’ve got two possibilities: 1. “You want to stick that thing where?” and 2. “Satan’s ass and what you’d like to shove up there.” I really hope you saw this coming, I’d hate to think you underrate the depravity of the TM’s. 🙂 * * * **Dopeler effect:** The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Thin\_Skin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@Mr\_Thin\_Skin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Thin_Skin)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 1999, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/24 "1999-11-19T15:42:00Z")
Yeah, well that goes in that thread anyhow, so there. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 1999, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/25 "1999-11-19T15:43:00Z")
Damn, that was just too easy. Next please. ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 1999, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/26 "1999-11-19T15:43:00Z")
manhattan - You rule with a yardstick. * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 1999, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/27 "1999-11-19T15:52:00Z")
HAH! No, it was the “I Just Have to Brag” thread. The OP was about a sweet little 4-year-old boy who was beginning to teach himself to read, and I had a momentary evil impulse to make my above comment the second post. I’m quite proud of myself for stifling it. * * * Uke ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 1999, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/28 "1999-11-19T16:10:00Z")
No. I ain’t funny. * * * “If there’s anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.” ---
**Author:** ![tatertot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@tatertot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tatertot)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 1999, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/29 "1999-11-19T16:27:00Z")
Ukelele Ike, that was my thread! Why you despicable, perverted slimeball! On second thought, if I allowed my son to read the Straight Dope, he would have gotten a kick out of your comment. As you might have read in the Wee Little Winkles thread, he’s obsessed with penises of all shapes, colors, and sizes, even the imaginary ones. Gotta go, I need to start a reasons I think my son might be gay thread. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 1999, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/30 "1999-11-19T16:41:00Z")
Oh sure Uke, that’s easy to say now. I do have a few other possiblities though. 1. The hardest thing 2. May as well put my life further on display… 3. Tattoo art 4. Guy Stuff and 5. The grossest thing you ever saw. I’m not even gonna go look in Great Debates. * * * **Dopeler effect:** The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 1999, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/31 "1999-11-19T16:57:00Z")
Hey **Unc**! Stop hijacking my thread! Or at least complete the job. From Great Debates: ## The secret to happiness What might be sufficient evidence for god? I Believe the War is Over Who would win? Pat Buchanan’s nightmare Jesse Jackson, and why he needs to back off Why is this ok? Gun Control? Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/32 "1999-11-20T06:14:00Z")
If I got credit for everytime I changed my mind at the last minute and didn’t post, I’d have at least 3,000 posts by now. * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/33 "1999-11-20T06:21:00Z")
Man, I got to admit I always looked askance at those “I spit coffee all over my keyboard!” posts. But if I had had coffee in my mouth thirty seconds ago, I’d’a been in SERIOUS trouble. “The Grossest Thing I Ever Saw”…“The Hardest Thing”…“Pat Buchanan’s Nightmare”…“Jesse Jackson and Why He Should Back Off”…“Why is This OK?”… Unk, manny…CLASSIC. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/34 "1999-11-20T06:24:00Z")
Tater, it was my deep affection and admiration for you that kept me from despoiling the little nipper’s thread. (Okay, so I didn’t think the comment was ALL that funny, either.) ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/35 "1999-11-20T06:26:00Z")
Hey, how did you two miss Cathearya’s “Whatcha Jonesin’ For?” ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/36 "1999-11-20T06:49:00Z")
OK, I didn’t post it because it was lame. (And I haven’t visited the thread in a while, so maybe someone else put it there?) But there was a thread called “Satan’s ass and what you’d like to put up there”. Then Satan posted a message saying he didn’t think it was funny. I was going to say “Guess he doesn’t like being the _butt_ of the joke.” Hahahaha! * * * La franchise ne consiste pas à dire tout ce que l’on pense, mais à penser tout ce que l’on dit. H. de Livry ---
**Author:** ![mikehardware](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5fc32e/32.png) [@mikehardware](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mikehardware)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/37 "1999-11-20T06:55:00Z")
My best shot that was never sent was “I saw that movie - he had a very small part in it.” Why not sent? Too new to the SD, no guts. The setup - a guy who was jokingly claiming to have been an actor in a movie, who was having that claim challenged. I was going to support his claim with that comment. You say that doesn’t sound funny? Did I mention that it was a porn movie? ---
**Author:** ![funneefarmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@funneefarmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funneefarmer)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 1999, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/38 "1999-11-19T20:06:00Z")
To any of the various sex threads… If you want my sexual history, you better be standing in my bedroom with a vagina and be intent on useing it. ---
**Author:** ![torq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@torq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/torq)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 1999, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/39 "1999-11-19T22:47:00Z")
There are lots of times that I stop and think better of a post. Otherwise I wouldn’t be in the thousands, but I’d probably be over 500. The most recent (just a couple of minutes ago): “Come on Eileen” by Dexy’s Midnight Runners It was in this thread: [http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/002635.html](http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/002635.html) ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 1999, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068/40 "1999-11-19T22:56:00Z")
well, if you look at the quality of my posted wisecracks you’d swear I don’t cull any, but really I do. Sometimes because I’m noot sure the will be taken as intended, sometimes because I look at the reply screen and think “That’s really stupid”. I hould probably invoke the latter more often. Hee, hee, I almost said “…invoke #2 more often”. Ahem, see what I mean? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-right-wiseacres/12068.md?page=3)