# ALL the Presidential Candidates: I Report-You Decide! **URL:** \ **Category:** Politics & Elections\ **Created:** [May 10, 2016, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491 "2016-05-10T15:26:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/1 "2016-05-10T15:26:46Z")
You know about the about the Republican and Democratic candidates, and you may even know that there’s a Libertarian Party out there, but they _aren’t_ the only ones running for the top spot this year. [Here is a full list of presidential candidates,](http://2016.presidential-candidates.org/) and my question to you is: If _you_ could choose someone from this political circus to become President of these United States, which one would you pick? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/2 "2016-05-10T15:56:12Z")
[Zoltan!!](http://2016.presidential-candidates.org/Istvan/) Might as well go out laughing. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/3 "2016-05-10T16:11:07Z")
[_Kahn!!_](http://2016.presidential-candidates.org/Kahn/) Lynn Sandra Kahn is a nice Centrist I could live with. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/4 "2016-05-10T16:26:56Z")
Eric Cavanaugh’s “manadatory expungement” policy appeals to me strongly, but the “100% porn tax” is a deal-breaker. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/5 "2016-05-10T16:30:04Z")
I haven’t looked, but are Kang or Kodos on the list? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/6 "2016-05-10T16:35:12Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > [Zoltan!!](http://2016.presidential-candidates.org/Istvan/) > > Might as well go out laughing. > [@](#): > > Born: unknown What does that even mean? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/7 "2016-05-10T16:40:17Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I haven’t looked, but are Kang or Kodos on the list? Actually, they’re **all** Kang or Kodos under one human-flesh-simulacrum or another. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/8 "2016-05-10T16:43:42Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > What does that even mean? Well, you can’t fairly expect him to remember, he was pretty young then! ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/9 "2016-05-10T16:55:16Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I haven’t looked, but are Kang or Kodos on the list? Well, [Michael Bickelmeyer](http://2016.presidential-candidates.org/Bickelmeyer/) wants to shoot bad guys using satellite-based death rays. That’s pretty close. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/10 "2016-05-10T16:59:07Z")
When your campaign biography opens with _"John McAfee has a questionable legal past marked by a murder investigation_" you’re probably looking at an uphill battle for the Presidency. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/11 "2016-05-10T17:11:55Z")
2016 Independent Presidential Candidate Shawna Sterling > [@](#): > > Sterling is strictly pro-life on abortion, arguing that even human zygotes born on US soil are citizens of the United States and therefore cannot constitutionally be deprived of life without due process of law. Say what? ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/12 "2016-05-10T17:53:13Z")
Those are born zygotes as opposed to born-again zygotes. [I’ve got to go with Jack Fellure.](http://2016.presidential-candidates.org/Fellure/) > [@](#): > > Fellure boasts a solid devotion to Christian religious faith, which informs virtually every aspect of his policy positions. During one of his many presidential runs, in 1992, when asked to submit his political platform to the Federal Election Commission, Fellure provided a copy of the 1611 King James Bible. He promises that, if elected President, copies of that specific version of the Bible will remain open in the Oval Office, turned to passages he considers of particular importance for the President to remember. > > Inspired by his faith, Fellure’s opinions and intentions place him deep on the right of the political spectrum. He opposes abortion and especially the use of public money to fund the procedure, supports the death penalty as a mandate by God, and is for gun rights. He also calls for making homosexuality illegal in the belief that this will be of help in combating the spread of AIDS, and – as might be gleaned from his previous affiliation with the Prohibition Party – for the banning of alcohol. The King James Bible is his platform, and he shares Jesus’ love of guns. He’s going to make homosexuality illegal! Ban alcohol! My goodness why didn’t the Republicans nominate him? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/13 "2016-05-10T18:02:07Z")
Why is Trump all the way at the bottom? It looks like all the other candidates are pissing on his face…! I declare shenanigans and demand the immediate firing of Megyn Kelly. Just… Because… ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/14 "2016-05-10T18:39:52Z")
**Zoltan/Fellure in 2016.** Cyborg Jesus for the win! ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/15 "2016-05-10T18:50:14Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Why is Trump all the way at the bottom? Funny, when I opened it up, Hillary was dead last on the list. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/16 "2016-05-10T19:36:28Z")
I think I’ve got to go with President The Real Grandmaster Jay: > [@](#): > > John Fitzgerald Johnson, also known as “The Real Grandmaster Jay” to fans of his musical work, is a civil rights activist with strong feelings on addressing police brutality. Politically left of center, he’s also an advocate of woman’s rights and greatly sympathizes with the plight of illegal immigrants. I wish [Deez Nuts](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deez_Nuts_(politician)) were still in the running, though… ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/17 "2016-05-10T20:55:08Z")
Hillary Clinton. But if I can be guaranteed of a Democratic Congress, then Bernie Sanders ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/18 "2016-05-10T21:24:51Z")
> [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](#): > > Funny, when I opened it up, Hillary was dead last on the list. I just opened it up again and they are all shuffled around again. :smack: It opens to ‘Random Order’ and if you refresh the screen they all move around. (Politicians: Slippery little suckers…) Trumps face is angled upward though… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/19 "2016-05-10T23:00:49Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > [Zoltan!!](http://2016.presidential-candidates.org/Istvan/) > > Might as well go out laughing. We are the Zoltan, you will be assimilated, resistance is futile. This is where the Borg start…l ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2016, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491/20 "2016-05-10T23:25:07Z")
[Michael Steinberg](http://2016.presidential-candidates.org/Steinberg/) seems to be a sane, sensible Democrat. Why is he running for President instead of Congress? The St. Pete seat is available, even if Charlie Crist is running, and he seems ready for it. [Terry Wheelock](http://2016.presidential-candidates.org/Wheelock/) looks pretty good, other than the birtherism. [Morrison Bonpasse](http://2016.presidential-candidates.org/Bonpasse/) seems to have his head on straight. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-the-presidential-candidates-i-report-you-decide/754491.md?page=2)