# All time cheesiest songs... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 21, 2003, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781 "2003-08-21T21:47:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/61 "2003-08-23T02:21:04Z")
Stand back and grab your noses, because I’m about to unload some stinky cheese - consider yourself warned: _Pilot of the Airwaves_, Charlie Dorr. Sung by some lonely chick to some DJ she has the hots for. _Pilot of the Airwaves, here is my request. You don’t have to play it but I hope you do your best I’ve been listening to your show on the radio, and you seem like a friend to me._ If you dare go further, I will remind you of a song so horrible that, even though it peaked #3 on the American pop charts more than 20 years ago, people still shudder with remembered pain upon being reminded of it’s existence: the abominable _I’ve Never been to Me_ by Charlene. Consider these deathless lyrics: _Oh, I’ve been to Nice and the Isle of Greece while I’ve sipped champagne on a yacht I’ve moved like Harlowe in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I’ve got I’ve been undressed by kings and I’ve seen some things that a woman ain’t supposed to see I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me_. and _Sometimes I’ve been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete But I took the sweet life, I never knew I’d be bitter from the sweet I’ve spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free_. Love that “subtle whoring” bit. :rolleyes: If you’re really into suffering, [this link](http://users.cis.net/sammy/charln.htm) not only provides you with the entire lyrics but a MIDI version of the song as well. Enjoy! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/62 "2003-08-23T03:14:13Z")
What the heck was that song that said something about the guy refusing to get together with the girl because “my love my life my family is the seeeeaaaa…” Damn that’s a cheesy song. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/63 "2003-08-23T03:32:52Z")
What’s the name of that horrifying thing… “I’ve been to paradise but I’ve never been to me…”? ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/64 "2003-08-23T04:46:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Green Bean \* > \*\*What the heck was that song that said something about the guy refusing to get together with the girl because “my love my life my family is the seeeeaaaa…” Damn that’s a cheesy song. \*\* **Brandy** (You’re a fine girl) performed by Looking Glass lyrics by Elliot Lurie There’s a port on a western bay and it serves a hundred ships a day Lonely sailors pass the time away and talk about their homes. etc. etc. (chorus) The sailor said **Brandy** , you’re a fine girl. What a good wife you would be. But my life, my lover, my lady is the sea. etc etc. At night when the bars close down Brandy walks through a silent town and loves a man who is not around. She still can hear him say. (chorus) Actually **Green Bean** I didn’t think it was that bad of a tune. Its got a nice rhythm and at least the lyrics have some meaning. Whether or not you agree with the idea of a person being honest enough to not string another along with false hope of a relationship that will never be. We can’t all like classics such as: "I ain’t gonna bump NO MORE with no big fat woman. “Everybody have fun tonight…everybody wang chung tonight.” **and don’t forget the hit** "Rock the Boat, don’t rock the boat baby… " " don’t tip the boat over. Our love is like a ship on the ocean. We’ve been sailing with a cargo full of love and devotion." I have to excuse my self now… t-keela shags his ass to the toilet…gonna, uuh…uhh… goodbye lunch. and to think, we haven’t really started in on country music yet. I think that would take forever. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blonde)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/65 "2003-08-23T04:57:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mehitabel \* > \*\*“It caayn’t be wrong > When it feeeeels so right! > 'Cause you…you light up ma-aaa-aaaah > Liiiiiiife!” > > I can’t have been the first person to think of “You Light Up My Life”. I just can’t. My whole view of the board is shifting. > > Oh yeah, we sang a gelded version of “Looks Like We Made It” at my 8th-grade graduation. Quel frommage. \*\* THE WINNER!! ---
**Author:** ![Extraneous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/0ea827/32.png) [@Extraneous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Extraneous)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/66 "2003-08-23T05:58:42Z")
You’re having my baby… by Paul Anka ---
**Author:** ![Suse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Suse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suse)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/67 "2003-08-23T06:59:44Z")
Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler or Bette Davis Eyes - Kim Carnes. Either of those rank (pun intended) well up there on the list. But the one that makes me cringe the most is Never Been To Me (as mentioned above). If you’ll excuse me, I must go scour my brain with Comet now. ---
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/68 "2003-08-24T08:08:10Z")
“My girl wants to party all the time” **Eddy Murphy** ---
**Author:** ![eenerms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@eenerms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eenerms)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/69 "2003-08-24T11:12:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Biffy the Elephant Shrew \* > \*\*Murray Head: **Cheeses Christ Superstar** > Spanky & our Gang: **Give Edam** > Jefferson Airplane: **White Rarebit** > 1910 Fruitgum Company: **Gouda Gouda Gumdrops** > Rascals: **People Got to Be Brie** > Carly Simon: **Nobody Does It Cheddar** \*\* :smack: I started reading this and said, I don’t remember these…oh how funny is this??? ---
**Author:** ![Skip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@Skip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skip)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/70 "2003-08-24T11:30:46Z")
Unskinny Bop ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/71 "2003-08-24T12:17:14Z")
Butterfly Kisses - Bob Carlisle ---
**Author:** ![Bugnorton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@Bugnorton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bugnorton)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/72 "2003-08-24T12:28:25Z")
**Don’t Get Hooked on Me** - Mac Davis (?) **Me and You and a Dog Named Blue** - (?) **Alone Again (Naturally)** - Gibert O’Sullivan I am NOT going to even mention the **Achey Breaky** …no, no, **Heart** …ARGHHH ---
**Author:** ![AtomicDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@AtomicDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AtomicDog)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/73 "2003-08-24T13:17:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by boobah \* > \*\*That’s [Telephone Man](http://www.legendrecords.com/Meri%20Wilson%20-%20Telephone%20man.mp3) by Meri Wilson, from 1977. A Dr. Demento favorite! \*\* I was heartbroken to learn that she died in an auto accident late last year. ---
**Author:** ![\_DaTman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/da6949/32.png) [@\_DaTman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_DaTman)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/74 "2003-08-24T14:22:23Z")
Any Barry Manilo fans?..always looked like a mouse…they like cheese knock three times… I’d like to teach the world to sing…how commercially cheesy the ultimate wedding cheese,you are the wind beneath my wings always picture a guy making the farting sound from his arm pit ---
**Author:** ![look\_ninjas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@look\_ninjas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/look_ninjas)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/75 "2003-08-25T00:27:46Z")
“The Greatest Love of All” - Whitney Houston. ---
**Author:** ![rmbnxs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b9e5f3/32.png) [@rmbnxs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rmbnxs)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781/76 "2003-08-25T03:05:57Z")
“Stairway to Heaven” “Freebird” Anything by Black Sabbath Anything by Rush Anything by the Doors I could go on. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-cheesiest-songs/196781.md?page=3)