# All-time laziest song lyrics **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 28, 2011, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277 "2011-01-28T06:35:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/101 "2011-01-29T16:38:49Z")
This deep into the thread and nobody’s mentioned Spandau Ballet’s “True”? “I bought a ticket to the world But now I’ve come back again Why do I find it hard to write the next line? Oh, I want the truth to be said” And let’s not forget [“Daddy was a cop, on the East Side of Chicago …”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Night_Chicago_Died) Don’t they have maps in your country, Limey? ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/102 "2011-01-29T16:50:15Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > And let’s not forget [“Daddy was a cop, on the East Side of Chicago …”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Night_Chicago_Died) Don’t they have maps in your country, Limey? That link doesn’t support your case. I’ve always heard this song sneered at because there supposedly is no “East Side” in Chicago–which I’ve always found overly pedantic, as _any_ region has an east side, and you can’t hear the capital letters in the song–yet the Wikipedia article you linked to points out that there is indeed an area of Chicago called East Side. ---
**Author:** ![Ronald\_C.Semone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cc9497/32.png) [@Ronald\_C.Semone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ronald_C.Semone)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/103 "2011-01-29T19:59:47Z")
Why hasn’t anyone mentioned those two all-time hits “99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall” and “The Bear Went Over The Mountain”? Talk about giving up after writing a first verse! ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/104 "2011-01-29T20:46:16Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > Paula Cole, “I Don’t Want To Wait:” > > So open up your morning light, > And say a little prayer for I. > > W.T.F? I was about to defend this one, and explain that “I” is the end of the line but not the end of the sentence. I always thought it was “So open up your morning light and say a little prayer, for I know that if we are to stay alive [something unintelligible the rhymes with I].” However, checking the video on [YouTube](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4YqKeZT5Do) I discovered that I had been mishearing the lines in a way that made them more grammatical than they are. The song opens with “So open up your morning light and say a little prayer for I. You know that if we are to stay alive, and find the peace in every eye.” Um, okay. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/105 "2011-01-29T21:02:12Z")
Many of you are confusing stupid lyrics with lazy lyrics. For illustration, here are examples from the lads: Lazy: “Love, love me do You know I love you I’ll always be true So please, love me do.” Stupid: “I-I-I-I-I dug a pony Well you can syndicate any boat you row Yes you can syndicate any boat you row” Get it? mmm ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_A.Robrin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sam_a.robrin/32/14497_2.png) [@Sam\_A.Robrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_A.Robrin)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2011, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/106 "2011-01-29T23:31:01Z")
I’d call “Love Me Do” _simple_, and “I Dig a Pony” _whacky_, and consider both OK (speaking as a lyricist). Whacky’s fun, and Lennon had a gift for it; as for simple, it’s often a lot more difficult than it looks on the surface. ---
**Author:** ![jasonh300](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@jasonh300](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasonh300)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/107 "2011-01-30T00:02:43Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > America lyrics are famously lazy and poor anyhow. Witness “Ventura Highway”: > > ‘Cause the free wind is blowin’ through your hair > and the days surround your daylight there, > Seasons cryin’ no despair > Alligator lizards in the air I’ve always liked this song. But as a child, the lyrics to this song perplexed me. Then as a teenager, I realized that they were describing some sort of hallucinogenic trip. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/108 "2011-01-30T00:08:34Z")
So happy together How is the weather? always got to me. ---
**Author:** ![Ponch8](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponch8/32/9883_2.png) [@Ponch8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponch8)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/109 "2011-01-30T05:47:16Z")
“Firework” by Katy Perry has some real doozies: “Do you ever feel/Like a plastic bag/Drifting through the wind” “Make 'em go ‘ah! ah! ah!’/You’re gonna leave 'em all in awe awe awe” “Boom boom boom/Even brighter than the moon moon moon” You also have her squeaky voice to contend with. Despite all this, I still think it’s a good song. ---
**Author:** ![DKW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dkw/32/3118_2.png) [@DKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DKW)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/110 "2011-01-30T09:55:27Z")
Ooh, this sounds fun! 🙂 Double - Captain of Her Heart High on my “songs that desperately needed a guitar solo” list. An easy listening bent does not excuse flogging the same effin’ four lines ad nauseum. Could you tell us how she handled this callous abandonment? Where she’s going from here? Why she never made a move on the first mate? _Something?_ Nazareth - Hair of the Dog The reason it was so shocking to hear Inigo Montoya use the expression “son of a bitch” was that was _the only instance of that phrase in the movie_. It kind of loses its impact if you repeat it for about 95% of the frickin’ song. No, I’m not going to count. Jefferson Starship - We Built This City One of the most hated rock songs ever, and for good reason. Five minutes of largely incomprehensible rambling. Even by sellout standards, this is pretty sad. Anyone who actually performs this in San Francisco should be thrown under a cable car. R.E.M. - The One I Love Look, guys, you’re awesome, some of the best music of my college years, but you could’ve put a _little_ more effort into this. Even George Harrison never released a song consisitng of ONE LOUSY STANZA REPEATED THREE TIMES. Not that I know of, anyway. Enya - Anywhere Is Sorry, just because you singlehandedly brought New Age music into the mainstream does not mean you get a free pass on this. Orinoco Flow wasn’t exactly a lyrical masterpiece either, but at least we could tell what it was about (i.e. a cruise ship that got _way_ off course). This, as far as I can determine, is the result of a 5-minute brainstorming session that you intended to turn into a somewhat comprehensible song but never got around to. And I gotta ask this…anywhere is _what_, exactly? Re. Horse With No Name. It’s America. Their songs are weird. All of it. Taking issue with “the heat was hot” or “'cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain” is like saying an Enzo Ferrari has a really kick-awesome driveshaft. Personally, I think HWNN is the perfect choice for introducing kids to creative incomprehensible weirdness. When they’re older, they can move on to They Might Be Giants. Re. Land of 1,000 Dances - See, the thing I never understand is why nobody ever takes issue with the the two **metal screams**. How you can blow a gasket over “na na na na na” etc. but don’t even flinch at “WHOOOOOOAAAAAAAAHHHHWWWW!!!” is beyond me. P.S. “Song she brang to me?” There’s a word for this, Mr. Diamond: “No.” It’s very hard to be poignant when you sound like Senor Cardgage. P.P.S. “Achy Breaky Heart?” _Achy Breaky Heart?_ **ACHY??? BREAKY??? HEART???** Were you _trying_ to become the most loathed country music singer of all time? (And if so, how much did Hank Williams Jr. pay you?) ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/111 "2011-01-30T10:11:18Z")
DKW: > [@](#): > > R.E.M. - The One I Love > Look, guys, you’re awesome, some of the best music of my college years, but you could’ve put a little more effort into this. Even George Harrison never released a song consisitng of ONE LOUSY STANZA REPEATED THREE TIMES. Not that I know of, anyway. Thanks for reminding me of this, and also of a similarly lazy song - “There She Goes” by Sixpence None the Richer. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/112 "2011-01-30T10:32:32Z")
> [@Tess\_Trueheart](#): > > Kesha (though I doubt she wrote it herself): > > “And no you don’t wanna mess with us, > Got Jesus on my neck-uh-luss-uss-uss\*” > > A little funny in the context of yet another life-is-all-about-drinking-and-parties song, but still lazy. > > \*necklace No, that’s not actually the bad bit of that lyric. The bad bit is when you watch the video and see it’s actually an earring (good luck rhyming that one) My nomination: 80’s one-hit-wonder _Right Said Fred_ and “[I’m too Sexy for my Shirt](http://www.lyricsondemand.com/onehitwonders/imtoosexylyrics.html)”. Containing such gems as: “I’m too sexy for my hat Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that” and “I’m too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat Poor pussy poor pussy cat” (I actually quite like that song BTW. Especially the ending.) ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/113 "2011-01-30T16:15:22Z")
> [@Sam\_A.Robrin](#): > > I’d call “Love Me Do” _simple_, and “I Dig a Pony” _whacky_, and consider both OK (speaking as a lyricist). Whacky’s fun, and Lennon had a gift for it; as for simple, it’s often a lot more difficult than it looks on the surface. I would love to hear an explanation about the difference between ‘lazy’ and ‘simple’. I will concede your other point, though; ‘whacky’ is a more apt description than ‘stupid’ with regard to Lennon’s lyrics. And yes, he was very good at whacky. (the more you type the word whacky, the whackier it looks) mmm ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/114 "2011-01-30T16:18:54Z")
I don’t think it gets much lazier than Anal Cunt’s “Tom Arnold”. And yes, such a song by such a band exists. Here’s the full lyrics: “Tom Arnold Tom Arnold Tom Arnold” That’s the whole song. Seriously. It doesn’t help that the song itself is nine seconds long. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/115 "2011-01-30T16:23:30Z")
There was a kids TV show called “Theodore the Tugboat” (an obvious takeoff of “Thomas the Tank Engine”) I think when they asked a songwriter to write a theme song all they told him was that it was about a friendly tugboat because here are the lyrics to the theme song: “Theodore! He’s a tugboat and a friendly tugboat too Theodore! He likes to do the things that friendly tugboats do”" That’s it. Lame ---
**Author:** ![jasonh300](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@jasonh300](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasonh300)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/116 "2011-01-30T19:41:14Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > DKW: > > Thanks for reminding me of this, and also of a similarly lazy song - “There She Goes” by Sixpence None the Richer. Performed by Sixpence…But originally by The LAs about 12 years earlier. My entry is “You Are So Beautiful”, popularized by Joe Cocker. I heard this song a million times as a kid, but one day, I really paid attention to it and thought to myself “That’s all?” Talk about songs that are just 6 words long (plus an extra 9 thrown in twice). ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/117 "2011-01-30T20:05:20Z")
> [@DKW](#): > > R.E.M. - The One I Love > Look, guys, you’re awesome, some of the best music of my college years, but you could’ve put a _little_ more effort into this. Even George Harrison never released a song consisitng of ONE LOUSY STANZA REPEATED THREE TIMES. Not that I know of, anyway. Well, the third line of the song does change from “A simple prop to occupy my time” to “Another prop has occupied my time” by the conclusion. Not that this transforms the song into a lyrical wonderland, obviously, but it’s something. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/118 "2011-01-30T20:30:20Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > I discovered that I had been mishearing the lines in a way that made them more grammatical than they are. The song opens with “So open up your morning light and say a little prayer for I. You know that if we are to stay alive, and find the peace in every eye.” Um, okay. 😕 wow, if that’s the case then the writer committed a double offense by not only using forced bad grammar to make a rhyme, but then “rhyming” a word with its homophone! ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/119 "2011-01-30T20:40:16Z")
> [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](#): > > I don’t think it gets much lazier than Anal Cunt’s “Tom Arnold”. And yes, such a song by such a band exists. Here’s the full lyrics: > > “Tom Arnold > Tom Arnold > Tom Arnold” > > That’s the whole song. Seriously. It doesn’t help that the song itself is nine seconds long. Anal Cunt rocks! They aren’t lazy, they just embrace brevity. My favorite lazy/stupid lyrics come from Van Hagar’s first big hit, _Why Can’t This Be Love_, which was played approximately 4,896,786,233,491 times per month in the mid-to-late '80s in every top 40/rock/adult contemporary market in the United States: “Only time will tell If we can stand the test of time” No shit? Really? Wow, how insightful. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2011, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277/120 "2011-01-30T20:42:17Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > My nomination: 80’s one-hit-wonder _Right Said Fred_ and “[I’m too Sexy for my Shirt](http://www.lyricsondemand.com/onehitwonders/imtoosexylyrics.html)”. [nitpick] That’s from 1992, not the 1980s. [/nitpick] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-time-laziest-song-lyrics/569277.md?page=7)