# All your quarterbacks are out the day before the big game. What do you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [November 26, 2014, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700 "2014-11-26T18:17:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/1 "2014-11-26T18:17:07Z")
You’re the coach of the \ football team, and the must-win game against your biggest rival is tomorrow when your assistant walks into your office. **Him:** Coach, Smith just got arrested and the judge said no bail! **You:** Damn, he’s our star QB! Well, we’ll have to put Jones in tomorrow. **Him:** Um, actually Jones was with Smith, and got arrested for the same thing. **You:** Cripes, well, I guess Green will get his first start. **Him:** Um, Coach, you’re not gonna like this… **You:** Oh, come on, that’s all of our QBs! **Him:** Should we forfeit? **You:** No, we can’t forfeit. I tell you want we’ll do, we’ll… What? ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/2 "2014-11-26T18:20:22Z")
> [@yellowjacketcoder](#): > > You’re the coach of the \ football team, and the must-win game against your biggest rival is tomorrow when your assistant walks into your office. > > **Him:** Coach, Smith just got arrested and the judge said no bail! > **You:** Damn, he’s our star QB! Well, we’ll have to put Jones in tomorrow. > **Him:** Um, actually Jones was with Smith, and got arrested for the same thing. > **You:** Cripes, well, I guess Green will get his first start. > **Him:** Um, Coach, you’re not gonna like this… > **You:** Oh, come on, that’s all of our QBs! > **Him:** Should we forfeit? > **You:** No, we can’t forfeit. I tell you want we’ll do, we’ll… > > What? Call Tom Matte. Seriously, I think most pro teams have at least one player at another position who was a QB at some point in his past. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/3 "2014-11-26T18:22:12Z")
Put in the best athlete who has played QB before. Run a lot of wildcat and option runs, along with the occasional pass. ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/4 "2014-11-26T19:14:33Z")
You lose, that’s what you do. But to lose respectably, you do what **iiandyii** said. Don’t even pretend to throw the ball, for the most part - playing a position player in at quarterback every down (as opposed to an occasional surprise) is a recipe for turnovers. You might average 2 yards a carry against a defense that’s selling out to stop the run, but at least your backs know how to hold on to the ball. Unfortunately, the only practical difference that makes is that you’ll be punting instead of throwing picks. If you had a week or two to plan and install a complete running package, you might have a chance. The night before? Nope. ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/5 "2014-11-26T19:30:17Z")
> [@Crotalus](#): > > Call Tom Matte. > > Seriously, I think most pro teams have at least one player at another position who was a QB at some point in his past. Huh, I hadn’t heard of [Matte](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Matte) before. Quite the player. Do you know where his nickname came from > [@Enginerd](#): > > You lose, that’s what you do. > > But to lose respectably, you do what **iiandyii** said. Don’t even pretend to throw the ball, for the most part - playing a position player in at quarterback every down (as opposed to an occasional surprise) is a recipe for turnovers. You might average 2 yards a carry against a defense that’s selling out to stop the run, but at least your backs know how to hold on to the ball. Unfortunately, the only practical difference that makes is that you’ll be punting instead of throwing picks. > > If you had a week or two to plan and install a complete running package, you might have a chance. The night before? Nope. My thought was that a few short (very short) passes might be better than letting the defense know you’re running the ball every single time. I mean, even a schmuck like me can hit a moving target 5 yards away 80% of the time. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/6 "2014-11-26T19:34:46Z")
Put in the plucky underdog who’s been waiting for his big chance to make it in the big leagues. That always turns out well in the movies. Just don’t introduce him to your daughter right before the game. ---
**Author:** ![That\_Don\_Guy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/that_don_guy/32/538_2.png) [@That\_Don\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/That_Don_Guy)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/7 "2014-11-26T20:05:39Z")
Six words: Student Body Left Student Body Right Running never hurt USC any. When was the last time USC had a quarterback even remotely in the Heisman race, anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/8 "2014-11-26T20:08:56Z")
> [@yellowjacketcoder](#): > > HMy thought was that a few short (very short) passes might be better than letting the defense know you’re running the ball every single time. I mean, even a schmuck like me can hit a moving target 5 yards away 80% of the time. Not with 300 lb defensemen about to take your head off, only 1.5 seconds to make the read, and the secondary waiting to intercept anything you throw. You wouldn’t stand a chance. ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/9 "2014-11-26T20:10:16Z")
> [@That\_Don\_Guy](#): > > Six words: > Student Body Left > Student Body Right I’m not getting the reference. ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/10 "2014-11-26T20:17:32Z")
Pro or college? (Or highschool, or …) Pro, you could quickly sign someone to do the handoffs. College, you gotta go with who ya got. Could you do a lot of direct to running back hikes? ---
**Author:** ![That\_Don\_Guy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/that_don_guy/32/538_2.png) [@That\_Don\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/That_Don_Guy)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/11 "2014-11-26T20:25:50Z")
> [@yellowjacketcoder](#): > > I’m not getting the reference. This may be a few years or even decades old, but the joke was that USC had two plays on offense - “student body left” (i.e. hand the ball off to a running back who runs to the left) and “student body right” (you should be able to work that one out on your own). ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/12 "2014-11-26T20:26:01Z")
> [@yellowjacketcoder](#): > > Huh, I hadn’t heard of [Matte](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Matte) before. Quite the player. Do you know where his nickname came from His build and his lack of style, I think. He is listed as 6 feet, 207 pounds. The weight may have been right, but I met him a couple of times as an adult and he was inches short of 6 feet. Anyway, kind of squat looking in uniform, and not a flashy runner. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/13 "2014-11-26T20:29:23Z")
In the pro’s IIRC there is a 3rd QB who is just on the practice squad, whom you can sign onto the active roster if you need to… ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/14 "2014-11-26T20:38:29Z")
What level are we talking here? If we’re assuming NFL, every team has guys who played QB in high school. Many of them have guys who played it in college. They’ll have someone competent enough to hand off and execute a few simple pass plays and provide some kind of nominal threat (think 30%). If they have ~24 hours notice, they will be able to acquire someone. Most teams carry 4-5 QB in training camp, and the one(s) they cut are likely sitting at home doing nothing. He learned the terminology of the team, and would be only marginally less competent than a typical 3rd QB. Finally, every team stays on top of the available talent at every position, and they have a list of the street free agents they will bring in if needed; every team brings in guys for workouts every week, and part of the GM’s job is to have at his fingertips a list of names for precisely this situation. NFL offenses (Philly slightly excepted) are remarkably similar; the terminology is different, there are tweaks, but 90% of the route combinations and play concepts are universal. Kyle Orton took over the Buffalo job after what, two weeks of practice? A vet like that could come in cold and be passable. Alternatively, bring in an athlete-type like Terrelle Pryor and tell him to improvise. Now, if you mean college… well, I give you the [2012 Maryland Terrapins.](http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/colleges/maryland-is-down-to-a-linebacker-and-a-tight-end-as-its-top-two-quarterbacks/2012/10/31/a648f1dc-239a-11e2-ac85-e669876c6a24_story.html) ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/15 "2014-11-26T20:43:39Z")
Tim Tebow is available. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/16 "2014-11-26T20:50:15Z")
> [@John\_DiFool](#): > > In the pro’s IIRC there is a 3rd QB who is just on the practice squad, whom you can sign onto the active roster if you need to… That’s an old rule. It used to be you could have 45 players in a game, plus one backup QB. If the backup QB came in before the 4th quarter, you couldn’t have any of your other QBs play the rest of the game. They got rid of it a few years and just added an extra player to the roster. So some teams have 2 QBs and some have 3. ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Antibob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Great\_Antibob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Antibob)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/17 "2014-11-26T20:56:56Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > Tim Tebow is available. That’s great! Now, we can pray for his help finding our replacement QB. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/18 "2014-11-26T21:57:30Z")
Wait, you mean the answer isn’t “you put the guy in the mascot costume onto the field”? Because I was sure that was the answer. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/19 "2014-11-26T22:19:58Z")
Johnny Hekker, the Rams punter, is the team’s designated “emergency quarterback.” ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2014, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700/20 "2014-11-26T22:30:39Z")
Well, yeah, Hekker threw a pass from punt formation against the Seahawks and got the game-winning first down. Cowboys had a full-time QB/punter years ago, was it Danny White? That opens up the roster a tad. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/all-your-quarterbacks-are-out-the-day-before-the-big-game-what-do-you-do/705700.md?page=2)