# Allow myself to introduce...myself... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 24, 2004, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468 "2004-12-24T13:45:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Master\_Sparky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8dc957/32.png) [@Master\_Sparky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Sparky)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/1 "2004-12-24T13:45:26Z")
Greetings, Dopers! A co-worker and very dear friend introduced me to the world of The Straight Dope months ago. She knows me very well, and her relentless sending of message board links brought laughter many times over. The urge to post (particularly in MPSIMS and the BBQ Pit) has been increasingly overwhelming, and I felt it was finally time to acknowledge that resistance is futile and join the masses. You folks, to put it bluntly and with considerable understatement, and my kinda people. So if you’ll have another Doper, I’d love to play. And thanks to that special friend for getting me hooked. I think she knew what she was doing from the very beginning. 😃 Master Sparky ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/2 "2004-12-24T13:59:18Z")
Allow me be the first to officially welcome you to the Dope, I mean, so long as you feed the hamsters and all that. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/3 "2004-12-24T14:04:45Z")
Hello **Master Sparky** Be welcome. Enjoy your stay. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Gutgore\_Blooddrink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Captain\_Gutgore\_Blooddrink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Gutgore_Blooddrink)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/4 "2004-12-24T14:17:18Z")
It’s 9:30am on Christmas Eve, and I’m drunk already. Welcome to the boards, my friend. -Resident MeatBeast ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/5 "2004-12-24T14:54:19Z")
Well and good for you to seek entrance to these hallowed halls, **Master Sparky** , but what do you bring to the table as an offering? You can’t very well place your friend on the table, as she has already been sampled and was found to be quite tasty. What’s your contribution? Do you bring pommegranites, grapes, meat or stout ale? Do you intend to entertain the teeming mllions with juggling, songs, or enthralling tales? Perhaps you are a dancer or bard? Let us know, so that plots against you can be planned. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/6 "2004-12-24T15:12:27Z")
Welcome Aboard. This MB was once described as “cyber crack” so tread cautiously, my friend. We’re highly addictive. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/7 "2004-12-24T15:41:01Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > Well and good for you to seek entrance to these hallowed halls, **Master Sparky** , but what do you bring to the table as an offering? You can’t very well place your friend on the table, as she has already been sampled and was found to be quite tasty. What’s your contribution? > > Do you bring **pommegranites,** grapes, meat or stout ale? Do you intend to entertain the teeming mllions with juggling, songs, or enthralling tales? Perhaps you are a dancer or bard? > > Let us know, so that plots against you can be planned. 😃 (My Bold) Would these be some sort of stone fruit? :dubious: Pssst **John Carter of Mars** , I think you meant _pomegranate._ **Master Sparky** , welcome, and don’t mind him, he’s harmless. Besides, pomegranates are too hard to eat. Chocolate would please more of us, I think.😃 We do like good stories. Tell a good story here, and the plotters will turn elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Dazzling\_White\_Diamonds](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/41988e/32.png) [@Dazzling\_White\_Diamonds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dazzling_White_Diamonds)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/8 "2004-12-24T18:32:30Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > Well and good for you to seek entrance to these hallowed halls, **Master Sparky** , but what do you bring to the table as an offering? You can’t very well place your friend on the table, as she has already been sampled and was found to be quite tasty. What’s your contribution? :eek: Dammit, I missed out again!!! I was sampled and found to be quite tasty? Oy, I didn’t intend to spend Christmas Eve with my mind in the gutter, but here we go… 😃 > [@](#): > > Do you bring pommegranites, grapes, meat or stout ale? Do you intend to entertain the teeming mllions with juggling, songs, or enthralling tales? Perhaps you are a dancer or bard? > > Let us know, so that plots against you can be planned. 😃 Oy, but my dearest friend has tales of captivating quality, **JCOM** , and my hopes are that he plans to regale us all soon with his wit and humor. > [@picunurse](#): > > Besides, pomegranates are too hard to eat. Chocolate would please more of us, I think. Please us and him, too. 😉 > [@Ruby](#): > > This MB was once described as “cyber crack” so tread cautiously, my friend. We’re highly addictive. Too late, he’s done been hooked… just like the rest of us poor suckers. It’s about time you joined us, **Sparky** … I told you resistance is futile. ::does a little happy dance… :: He joined! He joined! YES! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/9 "2004-12-24T19:21:59Z")
Don’t start dancing quite yet. It still says “Guest” under his name. Wait until the check clears…then we get him!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Declan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@Declan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declan)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/10 "2004-12-24T19:39:27Z")
Some one get the goat Declan ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bb73d2/32.png) [@Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Side_of_the_Floyd)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/11 "2004-12-24T20:04:26Z")
You stole my introduction thread title! Thief! Welcome to the Boards. I’m sure you’ll be as addicted to it as I am. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/12 "2004-12-24T20:32:58Z")
Welcome, **Master Sparky**! Welcome to a world inhabited by raconteurs, punsters, geniuses, whackos, brilliant eccentrics, passionate proponents, and, of course, a few dipsticks. In the time I have been here, I have learned _all sorts_ of things. You will too. I must emphasise that this place is _not_ addictive. We can stop anytime we want. Honest. [sub]:: picks up phone :: beep beep bip boop beep bip boop boop beep beep beep _ring_ _click_ Have we got the Arrangements ready for this evening? Uh huh… uh huh… :: nods :: Standby, you said? Great! We can rev up the treadmills and fill the vats no problem. There’s enough oil? The livestock is okay? Our calamari order at Logan Square still stands? Great! After that Tentacle Monster fiasco I thought we’d never be able to show our faces there again. Okay! Forty two? makes sense… Right! Thanks! Happy holidays! Bye! _click_ :: puts phone down :: [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/13 "2004-12-24T20:49:59Z")
Who’s your friend? We’ll need to know who to thank (or blame, as the case may be.) 😃 Welcome aboard. Make sure you’re up on your Princess Bride, Simpsons, and Star Trek references, and do not wander into Great Debates without an armload of cites. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/14 "2004-12-24T23:07:37Z")
> [@Dazzling White Diamonds](#): > > :eek: Dammit, I missed out again!!! I was sampled and found to be quite tasty? Oy, I didn’t intend to spend Christmas Eve with my mind in the gutter, but here we go… 😃 I think it was the ale. How could we know that after a mere six tankards you would go into short-term memory loss? You were really having a _LOT_ of fun. Sorry you can’t recall it. 😃 > [@picunurse](#): > > (My Bold) Would these be some sort of stone fruit? Pssst John Carter of Mars, I think you meant pomegranate. :o Me? Mis-spell? Oh, no, **picunurse**! A pommegranite is a fruit that is much favored at parties on Mars. (See how well I wormed out of that?) ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Sparky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8dc957/32.png) [@Master\_Sparky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Sparky)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2004, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/15 "2004-12-25T01:53:57Z")
I have no idea what I bring to the fine, upstanding, established members of the Dope community, although it looks like tankards of ale isn’t a bad idea. Thanks for the welcome, everyone! And now, I shall partake in finishing off the cookies that my kid left for “Santa,” followed by a healthy swig of eggnog and Crown Royal. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2004, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/16 "2004-12-25T02:14:25Z")
Um, you can forget the ale if you’ll bring the bottle of Crown Royal with you. And **Dazzling White Diamonds**. Bring her too, she’s fun. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2004, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/17 "2004-12-25T03:23:37Z")
I’ll bring ale and extra booze… Pssst! **Sunspace**! We’re good to go? ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2004, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/18 "2004-12-25T06:20:13Z")
Aw, man, I misread your name. I thought you were **Master Spanky**. Damn. Oh, well, welcome aboard anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2004, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/19 "2004-12-25T06:33:39Z")
This is killing me. I can’t place the OP’s quote!! I can hear the line in my head but…aaaaarrrrggghhhhh! Someone help me!! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2004, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468/20 "2004-12-25T06:49:26Z")
[sub]Yes, **Kythereia** , the Tentacle Identifier is up and running, Room 102 is prepped, and the …you know… has been cleaned and oiled.[/sub] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allow-myself-to-introduce-myself/281468.md?page=2)