# Allowing your kid to opt out of potentially embarrassing situations - yea or nay? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 28, 2021, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187 "2021-06-28T16:47:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/21 "2021-06-28T19:04:00Z")
> [@Akaj](#): > > “situation where you’re set up for failure from the get-go.” The first situation might be character-building, anyway, but the second all but guarantees humiliation – and this seems like a perfect example of the second type. I could be wrong but I don’t see any way for the OPs kid to fail here. He’s not even trying out for the team. This was probably an introduction to the coaches and other players. In most high schools at the end they give you some notes on what to work on so you can make the team when tryouts occur. Worse case the coaches tell him that he shouldn’t waste his time trying out in the spring or whenever. As for not knowing how to hit or throw or whatever sure its hard to miss that throw to first base after the first 6 kids did it but its hardly the end of the world. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/22 "2021-06-28T19:06:49Z")
Poor lad, I completely accept your decision. I know my kids even when on a team hated arriving last, they weren’t the most athletic or popular kids and it was tough for them to break the ice and join in the reindeer games. Lol. If he decides to attend the next practice because you’ve reached out to coach and he is welcoming and friendly, get there really early so he can warm up to the other players. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/23 "2021-06-28T19:08:01Z")
Were you able to find out from the coach which kids this clinic was meant for? Because lots of kids will have caps but only kids who already play organized baseball will have pants - they aren’t like basketball shorts which are frequently treated like general apparel. It may be that there is a cultural difference- my understanding is that in many countries other than the US , sports teams are totally unconnected to schools and any sporting events run by schools are strictly recreational. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/24 "2021-06-28T19:18:34Z")
I did. Apparently it _was_ the introductory clinic, which does not make sense to me at all, especially given the uniforms. I asked why it was all kids already on the team and he told me that most of the team members used it as an extra practice because almost no one came to the introductory practice since everyone who wanted to be was on the team. Which also makes no sense. Like, if it’s truly introductory but they’re not expecting newbies to show up, just have the new kids go to the freshman event and not the team event. My kid would’ve been totally down with that. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/25 "2021-06-28T19:27:57Z")
That’s just bizarre- the only way I can squint and make sense out of that is if the coach prefers to run a practice including kids who want to join the team rather than having a formal try-out. But even that wouldn’t normally be referred to as a clinic. ---
**Author:** ![Akaj](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/akaj/32/145_2.png) [@Akaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Akaj)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/26 "2021-06-28T19:28:10Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > I could be wrong but I don’t see any way for the OPs kid to fail here. I suppose that depends on your definition of the word “fail.” Failing to make the team after giving it his best shot would have been character-building. Failing to even approximate playing at the level of the others, and looking completely out of his element from the start, would have simply been mortifying. Having your first high school experience be “Everyone thinks I’m an idiot” can set a kid back permanently. ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/27 "2021-06-28T22:20:22Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > I asked why it was all kids already on the team and he told me that most of the team members used it as an extra practice because almost no one came to the introductory practice since everyone who wanted to be was on the team. Which also makes no sense. Like, if it’s truly introductory but they’re not expecting newbies to show up, just have the new kids go to the freshman event and not the team event. My kid would’ve been totally down with that. You’re right. It _doesn’t_ make sense. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/28 "2021-06-28T22:34:10Z")
If he’s interested in meeting other kids, perhaps you can help arrange something where he can invite a bunch of his zoom buddies and anyone else who wants to go. I would suggest considering events that are sort of open ended where kids can hang out, mingle, and chat however they like. For example: - Concert in the park - Movie in the park - Carnival - Party boat - Main Event / Dave & Busters These are low-stress events where the kids will feel comfortable being themselves. It’ll be a lot easier to be relaxed and have fun in these kinds of environments rather than a competitive athletic environment where lack of skill will produce a lot of anxiety. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/29 "2021-06-28T22:37:33Z")
The point of this event was for him to have fun, right? That means that if he wouldn’t be having fun, it’d be pointless. And who’s a better judge of what would be fun for him than himself? ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/30 "2021-06-28T22:48:29Z")
“Rilchiam, you listen to me. I don’t want to hear another word about the other girls on the track team slapping you around and making fun of you. You’re just going to have to toughen up. I’m always hearing my brother and sister brag about their college- and late-high-school-aged sons and how awesome they are at football and wrestling. I don’t want to hear about how much you miss orchestra, and how you’ll never see any of those kids again because they don’t go to your school. I am going to turn an intellectual into a jock, and I don’t care if you are a ten-year-old girl. You got that?!” ETA: “Also, the fact that at the first three practices, there was no adult supervision, just 90 minutes of you getting beat up physically and verbally, is no reason why this is a waste of your time.” ---
**Author:** ![BrickBat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac91a4/32.png) [@BrickBat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrickBat)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/31 "2021-06-28T23:01:17Z")
FWIW, I recall a co-worker speaking of his experiences in coaching youth baseball. One remark was so telling. When speaking of the kids, he said, kind of as an aside, but blunt and matter-of-factly “Most of them don’t want to be there”. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/32 "2021-06-28T23:03:04Z")
I figure my kids will find themselves in enough embarrassing situations in life when I’m not there to help them out of it. So right now, if I’m there, and can protect them from being uncomfortable once in a while, I’m doing it. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2021, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/33 "2021-06-28T23:50:17Z")
I used to allow my kids to stay home from school if they had a really bad zit. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2021, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/34 "2021-06-29T00:07:57Z")
> [@ekedolphin](#): > > You’re right. It _doesn’t_ make sense. One idea. Maybe the league has rules against teams practicing off season and this “clinic” is a way around it. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2021, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/35 "2021-06-29T00:58:26Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > There’s a big difference between being the worst and least experienced one but still in the same league and having virtually no experience and going against experts. The kid wouldn’t have been mediocre, he would have been embarrassingly bad. Not to mention, he would have been wasting the other guys’, and the coach/es’ time. **oredigger** , I’m not sure what you mean by this: > As for not knowing how to hit or throw or whatever sure its hard to miss that throw to first base after the first 6 kids did it but its hardly the end of the world. but it sounds like the other guys were there to play serious baseball, and having someone in the mix who can’t be counted on to throw accurately would have defeated the purpose. For an analogy, imagine someone getting cast in a musical, thinking they’ll only have to sing. Then they show up for the first rehearsal, to be told that they’ll also have to dance. Except, oops, their dancing experience is limited to eight weeks of basic ballet when they were 9. > [@pulykamell](#): > > And it’s fine to learn to cope with embarrassment at an early age. I think it’s an important life skill to have and to really learn not to give a shit what anyone else thinks and be comfortable in your shoes and not be embarrassed or ashamed even if you put on a terrible performance. > > But this isn’t the right time. Yeah, that’s what karaoke is for. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2021, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/36 "2021-06-29T01:03:38Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > but it sounds like the other guys were there to play serious baseball, and having someone in the mix who can’t be counted on to throw accurately would have defeated the purpose. For an analogy, imagine someone getting cast in a musical, thinking they’ll only have to sing. Then they show up for the first rehearsal, to be told that they’ll also have to dance. Except, oops, their dancing experience is limited to eight weeks of basic ballet when they were 9. To continue your analogy it’s more like they say there are beginner roles in the musical and you show up and Lin Manuel Miranda is playing the lead so your too embarrassed to play chorus guy #6. Sure you may not be able to do more than shuffle but you might learn from watching the lead and no one is going to care if you suck ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2021, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/37 "2021-06-29T02:29:23Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > The point of this event was for him to have fun, right? That means that if he wouldn’t be having fun, it’d be pointless. And who’s a better judge of what would be fun for him than himself? Yup. And he got it right. Turning up looking like the outsider is something only an unusually confident and charming person can pull off, or alternatively, the kind of confident outsider who’s thoroughly comfortable being the odd one out. They are rare people and can actually be sort of hard for the rest of us to interact with on a deep level. And since this wasn’t really about sport, but about getting to know people in person again, yeah, the kid was right. Good on him for being aware enough to know it was a bad idea, and stating that so surely. I think I sent my daughter to a couple of things that were supposed to be introductory but turned out not to be. One that sticks in my mind was tennis, where she ended up having to play just with the coach a lot because a lot of the others had had lessons - and they were nine years old or thereabouts. She didn’t suffer - she learned some tennis, got some exercise, and was fine with going again the next year - but it was just a couple of hours a day for a week when she was also seeing her real friends, so it wasn’t as big a deal. Reintroducing her, if she were younger now, to socialising with random peers in person, by the means of standing out and probably being less skilled would… well… How can that not backfire? ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2021, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/38 "2021-06-29T02:30:49Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > To continue your analogy it’s more like they say there are beginner roles in the musical and you show up and Lin Manuel Miranda is playing the lead so your too embarrassed to play chorus guy #6. Sure you may not be able to do more than shuffle but you might learn from watching the lead and no one is going to care if you suck If you really care about being in musicals, yes. If it’s primarily for socialising, no. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2021, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/39 "2021-06-29T02:48:10Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > Sure you may not be able to do more than shuffle but you might learn from watching the lead and no one is going to care if you suck The other kids probably would care if he sucked. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2021, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187/40 "2021-06-29T02:48:42Z")
Yeah, if Lin Manuel Miranda is the lead and the other five chorus guys can’t do more than shuffle it might be OK. But not so much if Lin Manuel Miranda is the lead and the other five chorus guys just finished a run Off-Broadway. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/allowing-your-kid-to-opt-out-of-potentially-embarrassing-situations-yea-or-nay/945187.md?page=3)