# Almond milk feels like I'm drinking elf come\* **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** soda-softdrinks\ **Created:** [August 14, 2012, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466 "2012-08-14T13:43:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/21 "2012-08-14T15:31:01Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I’m sorry I don’t like chocolate syrup.. I could put maybe some strawberry or vanilla flavoring, but isn’t that kind of defeating the purpose of a healthy drink? > > Anyway it’s not the taste. The taste is OK. IT’S TOO THICK. Yuck. Do you like eggnog? How does it compare thickness-wise to eggnog? (Me personally, I love eggnog’s flavor, but can’t stand the thickness. I drink it cut to 1 part eggnog, 3 parts milk. But of course that isn’t an option when you’re avoiding milk. Hrm.) ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/22 "2012-08-14T15:31:31Z")
I don’t like eggnog, no. Same reason. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/23 "2012-08-14T15:33:05Z")
Another vote for Rice Dream, unflavored. I found Pacific Rice to be not as tasty. Tempt brand Hemp milk has good texture too, but a slight bitter aftertaste. I have heard hemp seed has some really good health benefits. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/24 "2012-08-14T15:33:37Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > I once actually ran across some porn art that involved an inn that sold “elf milk” that turned out to be, yes, elf come. Yeah, the things we stumble across… accidentally… ---
**Author:** ![Barking\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Barking\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barking_Dog)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/25 "2012-08-14T15:37:16Z")
I really wish they’d stop calling it milk. It’s not milk. Milk comes from a tit. You don’t see soybeans with little udders on, do you?\* It’s juice, so they should call it soy juice. And regardless of that arguement, from a marketing standpoint. I bet plenty of people who might like to drink elf cum (hehe) are put off from the get go because when they see “milk” on the label they have an expectation. And then that first taste ruins that expectation. Instead of thinking, “This soy juice tastes a little wierd but is yummy”, instead think, “This milk tastes awful!” And throw it away. Like what \*\*Sicks Ate \*\*said, they didn’t like it _until_ they stopped thinking of it as ‘milk’. And to add my tuppence even more, I loves my cow squeezin’s too much to give it up. Just so ya’ll know and can now sleep peacefully 😛 \*_paraphrased from Lewis Black._ ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/26 "2012-08-14T16:23:27Z")
I clicked on this just because I was curious to see whether the OP thought being similar to “elf come” was a good or bad thing. Apparently its meant in a bad way, though seems like it could go either way depending on how one feels about elves and semen. ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/27 "2012-08-14T16:33:19Z")
Hang on a second. Isn’t “cum” the noun and “come” the verb? That’s how I learned it in school, though not, of course, in the classroom. I find soy milk gross, but my wife loves it, so I guess it’s what you’re used to. The various suggestions in this thread might help getting over the revulsion, but why bother? I mean, is there a need to force yourself to like it? Are you trying to build up to actual elf cum? A job opportunity in Middle Earth perhaps? ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/28 "2012-08-14T16:36:36Z")
> [@Greg\_Charles](#): > > Hang on a second. Isn’t “cum” the noun and “come” the verb? That’s how I learned it in school, though not, of course, in the classroom. > > I find soy milk gross, but my wife loves it, so I guess it’s what you’re used to. The various suggestions in this thread might help getting over the revulsion, but why bother? I mean, is there a need to force yourself to like it? Are you trying to build up to actual elf cum? A job opportunity in Middle Earth perhaps? Hobbikkake. ---
**Author:** ![sparky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@sparky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sparky_1)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/29 "2012-08-14T16:51:13Z")
Unless it’s whale milk, then forget it. :eek: Wait, whale milk has the consistency of [toothpaste](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whale)? Where’s that puke smile? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/30 "2012-08-14T16:58:14Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Ok, I’ll try rice milk and coconut milk (I presume it’s healthy, because regular coconut milk is pretty fattening). I’ll try soy. ONCE. I get coconut milk because I’m allergic to something in cow milk, almond milk is icky, and I read that eating all this soy is going to give me the cancers (I’m sure in a week, something will come out saying coconuts give us cancer, too). Anyway, the light flavor of coconut milk is great, I think, plus it’s not too thick. You can use it in all kinds of cooking to add a great little flavor. Oh, and a carton of coconut milk (I buy it by the regular milk in the 'fridge section, not in the can or box) lasts waaay longer than real cow milk. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/31 "2012-08-14T16:59:26Z")
Hmm, interesting… I bought some unsweetened almond milk to mix with mashed up avocado to make a sort of custardy breakfast treat that is both low carb and low in saturated fat. The other day I ate a mouthfull of Special K high protein (and low carb!) cereal and was like “Needs milk!” so I opted to take a swig of the almond milk, and I was blown away at how milk-like it tasted. I’m eager to buy more and drink it like milk! I ran it past my mom who said she’d recently bought some vanilla almond milk to put in her coffee and she hated it. Said the same thing as the OP - it’s too thick. And sweet, maybe. I wonder if the sweetened kinds are more thick. Or even if just the sweetness makes you think more about the thickness. I used to get lactose-free milk and it was pretty good but it was more of a cereal thing for me - it was too sweet. Anyway I have Blue Diamond unsweetened. And honest to Og it tasted delicious and refreshing and thin to me. Perhaps you need to try unsweetened, it might be less thick! ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/32 "2012-08-14T17:06:06Z")
I love Silk brand soy milk. The secret is to add 2 ice cubes, a shot of Kahlua, and two shots of cheap vodka to the glass of soy milk. Stir, and drink. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/33 "2012-08-14T17:15:41Z")
_Tell him I’m elfin coming_… was that from **The Limey**? ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/34 "2012-08-14T17:20:36Z")
I have nothing to add aside from :: snerk:: at the elf come thing, and to mention that it sounds like almond milk would be really great when poured into my ice cream machine and told to make ice cream. Otherwise, it sounds vile to me. I won’t even try almond butter. I love almonds, but I suspect this is a lot like the boiled peanuts debacle. I grew up in Ohio, where nobody ever heard of boiled peanuts (unless you have a cousin down south or something). So fast forward to living in the south for most of my adult life and my roomie and I are at the beach. He’s brought boiled peanuts along and wants to know if I want one. Sure, I love peanuts. Bleargh! Same great peanutty taste, but what happened to the crunch? The texture is all wrong. Peanuts are supposed to be crunchy, not rubbery and soft. Ewwwwww. I’ll suck the salt out of the shells, but then I’ll feed the peanuts to the dog (who doesn’t seem to mind the wrong texture). Boiling peanuts just makes them wrong. I don’t know how you find the udders on a little almond to milk it, but I think it’s probably the same deal-io: milking almonds is probably just wrong. ---
**Author:** ![PatriotGrrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9dc877/32.png) [@PatriotGrrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatriotGrrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/35 "2012-08-14T18:22:11Z")
Y’know, I buy unsweetened almond milk often, but i don’t think I’ve ever tried drinking it plain. I use it to make protein shakes. They taste better than ones made with water, and have less carbs than ones made with milk. I’ve never noticed that the texture was much different - if anything I would have said its thinner than milk. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/36 "2012-08-14T18:29:59Z")
> [@Greg\_Charles](#): > > Hang on a second. Isn’t “cum” the noun and “come” the verb? That’s how I learned it in school, though not, of course, in the classroom. > > I find soy milk gross, but my wife loves it, so I guess it’s what you’re used to. The various suggestions in this thread might help getting over the revulsion, but why bother? I mean, is there a need to force yourself to like it? Are you trying to build up to actual elf cum? A job opportunity in Middle Earth perhaps? Technically, but I just hate the word “cum” so I never use it. And I am trying to get used to almond milk because it’s significantly less calories and I drink one glass of milk every day. And what are you implying, that if I got a job opportunity in Middle earth it’d be as a hooker? I’ll have you know if I went to Middle Earth I’m sure I could get another job opportunity and if there was elf come involved it would be for _free_! …Wait…that came out all wrong. **kayaker** , I suppose I could try the Kahlua recipe, but that might give the wrong impression at work. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/37 "2012-08-14T18:39:37Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > **kayaker** , I suppose I could try the Kahlua recipe, but that might give the wrong impression at work. One of the few benefits to owning the business, I guess.🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/38 "2012-08-14T18:43:14Z")
I’m not courageous enough to try elf sperm. No amount of spunk would make me try that. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/39 "2012-08-14T18:43:17Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I don’t really eat cereal. I drink it with an English Muffin. > [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > …you might try a glass instead. Oh god, I just thought of another _terrible_ joke which I must share. Is that what you call a _limp biscuit_? Sorry. Sorry. I’ll show myself out. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/40 "2012-08-14T19:18:33Z")
The Blue Diamond brand is about the worst of the almond milks. The other brands are far better tasting. I get the 40 calories/cup stuff and find that it’s a lot more filling than milk while a lot few cals than soy milk. It seems to be pretty much an acquired taste, though. It would definitely be better sweetened. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466.md?page=3)