# Almond milk feels like I'm drinking elf come\* **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** soda-softdrinks\ **Created:** [August 14, 2012, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466 "2012-08-14T13:43:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/41 "2012-08-14T19:18:44Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I love Silk brand soy milk. The secret is to add 2 ice cubes, a shot of Kahlua, and two shots of cheap vodka to the glass of soy milk. Stir, and drink. If you leave out the soy milk, Kahlua, and ice you can fit a lot more vodka in there, and no need to stir. Little tip I picked up. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/42 "2012-08-14T19:21:16Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > If you leave out the soy milk, Kahlua, and ice you can fit a lot more vodka in there, and no need to stir. Little tip I picked up. EXCELLENT! I mean, I drink this right before work, it’ll be _perfect_. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/43 "2012-08-14T19:37:04Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > EXCELLENT! I mean, I drink this right before work, it’ll be _perfect_. I’ve been told breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Cheers! ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/44 "2012-08-14T19:43:09Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Technically, but I just hate the word “cum” so I never use it. And I am trying to get used to almond milk because it’s significantly less calories and I drink one glass of milk every day. > > And what are you implying, that if I got a job opportunity in Middle earth it’d be as a hooker? I’ll have you know if I went to Middle Earth I’m sure I could get another job opportunity and if there was elf come involved it would be for _free_! > > …Wait…that came out all wrong. > > **kayaker** , I suppose I could try the Kahlua recipe, but that might give the wrong impression at work. I actually came in to thank you for using the correct spelling of “come” instead of that horrendous junior-high, porno-mag neologism. Anyway, rice milk is usually pretty thin, though it’s also usually too sweet for me. I prefer soy milk to regular milk for a beverage, but I prefer regular milk on cereal. I agree that they are completely different drinks. I much prefer the soymilk that comes in the unrefrigerated tetra pak to kinds like Silk that come in refrigerated milk carton packages–the latter take away the delicious soy flavor and try unsuccessfully to taste more like milk. Fail. ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/45 "2012-08-14T20:02:51Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Technically, but I just hate the word “cum” so I never use it. And I am trying to get used to almond milk because it’s significantly less calories and I drink one glass of milk every day. > > And what are you implying, that if I got a job opportunity in Middle earth it’d be as a hooker? I’ll have you know if I went to Middle Earth I’m sure I could get another job opportunity and if there was elf come involved it would be for _free_! > > …Wait…that came out all wrong. Oh, I understand now. Come is your euphemism for cum. That’s very ladylike of you! Hooker sounds so vulgar. I’m sure the elves would call it _húicéir_, or something cool like that, so there’s no shame in it. If the elves really look like Orlando Bloom, I might even consider the job. I’m going to give almond milk a try before I commit to it though. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/46 "2012-08-14T20:05:58Z")
> [@Greg\_Charles](#): > > Oh, I understand now. Come is your euphemism for cum. That’s very ladylike of you! > > Hooker sounds so vulgar. I’m sure the elves would call it _húicéir_, or something cool like that, so there’s no shame in it. If the elves really look like Orlando Bloom, I might even consider the job. I’m going to give almond milk a try before I commit to it though. Just remember, it only _feels_ like elf come. You’ll have to find something else if you want to experiment with the taste. ---
**Author:** ![Clawdio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d07c76/32.png) [@Clawdio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clawdio)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/47 "2012-08-14T20:08:33Z")
I think almond milk is gross too, but not because of the consistancy… i think it has a nasty aftertaste. I’m convinced that all the people that have reccomended almond milk to me over the years are playing some kind of elaborate trick on me… ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/48 "2012-08-14T20:11:57Z")
[http://files.coloribus.com/files/adsarchive/part\_54/546805/file/milk-rice-krispies-small-66697.jpg](http://files.coloribus.com/files/adsarchive/part_54/546805/file/milk-rice-krispies-small-66697.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/49 "2012-08-14T20:45:14Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > She also peruses the SDMB on her own, now that she’s old enough. She’ll probably see this thread, and I may have to explain what the hell “elf come” is. Thanks a lot. " When a mommy Elf and a daddy Elf love each other very very much… " 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/50 "2012-08-14T20:48:15Z")
> [@Greg\_Charles](#): > > Oh, I understand now. Come is your euphemism for cum. That’s very ladylike of you! I am _quite_ the lady. I suppose that is rather contradicted by me knowing what a limp biscuit is, though. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/51 "2012-08-14T20:50:06Z")
Isn’t 2% milk just really cloudy water? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/52 "2012-08-14T20:51:11Z")
Thanks, love, now my elf come thread is two pages. Anyhoo, 2% milk is a deliciously refreshing drink. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/53 "2012-08-14T21:03:20Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Yeah, the things we stumble across… accidentally… Yes, completely accidentally. It’s not as if any of us have memorized the URL addresses of the top twenty-three elf porn sites as rated by the International Elf Porn Society, which is also something I’ve never heard of. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/54 "2012-08-14T21:14:40Z")
I like Blue Diamond unsweetened, personally. I think the texture is a good mimic of milk. The taste isn’t remotely like milk, but I like it better. Less cloying. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/55 "2012-08-14T21:24:00Z")
So the full term is “elven circle _jerk_”? ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/56 "2012-08-14T21:42:20Z")
My own threshold for common dairy milk is at 1%. Skim just has the wrong mouthfeel and taste but 1% just makes it. As others have said, part of the trick with the alternative substitutes is to not expect them to be the same, but deal with them in their own right. Though the vodka with or without Kahlua also helps. I must say, **Anaamika** , this thread title is just killer. You know it will live on. May even become a Board meme. What we need now is to try and do a bit of memetic insurgency and spread into the fantasy fandom the notion that Elven emission does best resemble sweetened almond milk. (I wonder how well a DVD titled “Bukkake at Rivendell” would sell…) ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/57 "2012-08-14T21:43:19Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Technically, but I just hate the word “cum” so I never use it. You don’t get to change the spelling just because you don’t like it. If you did, I’d lop off all those unneeded letters at the end of French words. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/58 "2012-08-14T21:51:01Z")
How the hell do you even milk an almond? I don’t see any nipples, and I looked really carefully. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/59 "2012-08-14T22:11:03Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > You don’t get to change the spelling just because you don’t like it. If you did, I’d lop off all those unneeded letters at the end of French words. She can too, and so can I! I despise the word “cum.” it’s just too damn cutesy for its own good. If all those rappers get to change the spellings of words, then so do **Anaamika** and I. 😛 Feel free to lop anything you like off French words. I won’t tell. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466/60 "2012-08-14T22:18:25Z")
Well, if you were a business, you could create any kind of bizarre, eye-catching spelling deviations you want. You could, e.g., name your store something like “Kum&Go”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almond-milk-feels-like-im-drinking-elf-come/631466.md?page=4)