# Almost 30, never had a relationship. Any advice? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 25, 2012, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807 "2012-10-25T11:10:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ea666f/32.png) [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_of_the_Dark)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2012, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/181 "2012-10-28T23:57:15Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Ignore the whole of this post, but listen to this part. > > Wait, you’re a virgin? Dude, we gotta get you laid. Now that we’ve addressed what’s wrong with your OK Cupid profile, let’s work on you not trying to bone your friends and how not to come off as creepy in person. Why don’t you have sex with him since you pity him? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/182 "2012-10-29T00:01:50Z")
> [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](#): > > You are 30 and you have not had sex with someone who is not prostitute. That’s sad, man! Truly sad. No pun or sarcasm intended. I am surprised at the fact that you haven’t committed suicide yet. What a horrible life you must live. He’s a virgin. That means no sex with _anyone_; prostitute or civilian. And let’s not go overboard here. Plenty of people live lives of celibacy and live perfectly contented lives. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/183 "2012-10-29T00:04:03Z")
> [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](#): > > You are 30 and you have not had sex with someone who is not prostitute. That’s sad, man! Truly sad. No pun or sarcasm intended. I am surprised at the fact that you haven’t committed suicide yet. What a horrible life you must live. > [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](#): > > Why don’t you have sex with him since you pity him? Why don’t _you_ have sex with him since you pity him? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ea666f/32.png) [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_of_the_Dark)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/184 "2012-10-29T00:08:35Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Why don’t _you_ have sex with him since you pity him? :dubious: I am not a gay, sorry. If I was a female, with pleasure would I do it! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/185 "2012-10-29T00:09:44Z")
> [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](#): > > I am not a gay, sorry. What does that have to do with anything? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/186 "2012-10-29T00:09:45Z")
This thread has gone all weird. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ea666f/32.png) [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_of_the_Dark)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/187 "2012-10-29T00:12:13Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > What does that have to do with anything? Come on! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/188 "2012-10-29T00:14:55Z")
> [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](#): > > Come on! Just stay on top! Be a man! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/189 "2012-10-29T00:16:00Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > This thread has gone all weird. 😛 Sorry. I digress. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/190 "2012-10-29T00:16:14Z")
It got weird because people are still under the false impression that a virgin man is somehow a freak. My husband was a virgin when we got married. He was 25. He did not have any issue in the bedroom either. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/191 "2012-10-29T00:28:35Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Ignore the whole of this post, but listen to this part. (Movies) Does it really matter? 😕 I couldn’t really care less about that part. I’ll edit it down next time I’m on OKC. > [@](#): > > Wait, you’re a virgin? Dude, we gotta get you laid. Now that we’ve addressed what’s wrong with your OK Cupid profile, let’s work on you not trying to bone your friends and how not to come off as creepy in person. Well, yes, that’d be nice! I doubt I come off as creepy. “Desperate clown”, more likely. > [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](#): > > You are 30 and you have not had sex with someone who is not prostitute. That’s sad, man! Truly sad. No pun or sarcasm intended. I am surprised at the fact that you haven’t committed suicide yet. What a horrible life you must live. Ya think? Why else would I beg for advice on a public message board? > [@Fear\_of\_the\_Dark](#): > > Why don’t you have sex with him since you pity him? Next Tuesday, Doper orgy, my place, I’ll watch and learn. How’s that? ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/192 "2012-10-29T00:31:26Z")
> [@Reply](#): > > Here’s [an online dating profile](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/needmoretrails) that’s mostly current, if you want a better idea of who I am. > [@OKcupid profile](#): > > I’d like to help bridge the gap between nature and society. > > I want to live a life of service. Part environmentalist and part technophile, I believe science, education and the global sharing of information will enable us to live better, kinder, wiser lives. Yeah . . . there’s your problem right there. You sound poor and destined to stay that way. Women generally aren’t into that. ETA: Also, in this heterosexual guy’s opinion, you aren’t bad looking. But your weight seems to fluctuate widely through your photos–maybe take off the fat ones if you are no longer fat (or unfatify yourself if you are). ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/193 "2012-10-29T00:39:13Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Yeah . . . there’s your problem right there. You sound poor and destined to stay that way. Women generally aren’t into that. > > ETA: Also, in this heterosexual guy’s opinion, you aren’t bad looking. But your weight seems to fluctuate widely through your photos–maybe take off the fat ones if you are no longer fat (or unfatify yourself if you are). Poverty: Yeah. That’s mostly deliberate. Not a fan of unfettered capitalism and wealth inequity. If celibacy is the price of idealism, well, shucks. Them’s the breaks. I’ll work on the photos. I don’t have many pictures of myself to begin with, which is why I had to pick from multiple eras. People hated the previous bunch of mostly-recent photos so I dove a bit into the past. I’m just average in terms of the body. Not terribly fit, not terribly fat. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/194 "2012-10-29T00:42:56Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Also, in this \*\*heterosexual guy’s \*\*opinion Wait, what? Am I just confused or aren’t you gay? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/195 "2012-10-29T00:46:42Z")
I’m going to try to summarize the (realistically usable) advice I got this thread, to see if I’m at least on the right track: 1. Build more confidence. 2. Get fitter. 3. Get better pictures and don’t come off as a snob in online dating. 4. Don’t rely exclusively on online dating. 5. Dress better. 6. Get laid. 7. Ask more girls out, don’t reject potential dates, and don’t expect a LTR right off the bat. Most of that I can do. How can I work on building confidence and just generally being attractive/interesting enough to people so they’d want to even spend time with me? ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/196 "2012-10-29T00:48:00Z")
> [@Reply](#): > > Poverty: Yeah. That’s mostly deliberate. Not a fan of unfettered capitalism and wealth inequity. If celibacy is the price of idealism, well, shucks. Them’s the breaks. Why does not being a fan of unfettered capitalism and wealth inequity mean that you have to be poor? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/197 "2012-10-29T00:49:46Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Wait, what? Am I just confused or aren’t you gay? 😕 Actually, I apologize. I do believe I was thinking of another Doper. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/198 "2012-10-29T00:50:56Z")
> [@ultrafilter](#): > > Why does not being a fan of unfettered capitalism and wealth inequity mean that you have to be poor? Because my careers of choice are unlikely to result in much, if any, money. Natural sciences and non-profits aren’t exactly millionaire-making industries. In this industry, this region, these economic times, I would be extremely lucky to even land a full-time job where I can pay the bills. And if I should happen to make bank, I’d want to give most of it away to these causes as opposed to hoarding it all for me and mine. ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/199 "2012-10-29T00:50:57Z")
Dude you live in Arcata? You love nature and the environment and are young and good looking. You could be getting laid. A lot. Forget this OKC crap, it’s all going on right outside. Take a little road trip over to Chico where there is a big hippy state university. Join up with some clean the forest projects or something and there will be like-minded women there doing it too. Talk to them. They know you’re interested if you just walk up and say hi and make casual smalltalk. They will either want to get to know you better or not. You will be able to tell by their reaction to you. Keep trying until one does. Ask her if she will show you some local places to go eat or save the rainforests. Luck, timing, and chemistry will all play a part in your success and it can take dozens of failures before one even agrees to a first date. You live in a great part of the country to meet a lot of women that share your interest in the environment. OKC might be good for narrowing down your search when you are looking for a life partner but it’s no substitute for getting outside and meeting people that are already in your area and already have similar interests right now. Remember even if a woman already has a partner she has friends, and making a lot of female friends is a good way to meet a friend of a friend. To avoid coming across as creepy, desperate, or whatever, really just be relaxed and be yourself. Talk to them as if you were talking to any friend but let them know you’re single, well adjusted and in school during your conversation. Be ready with smalltalk but don’t say too much. Let them talk more than you, listen to what they say and find common ground to build on. When it seems to be clicking with one, and it might take dozens of tries before it does, don’t make an awkward lunge at them or anything but let them know you are interested in unambiguous terms, and don’t be afraid to be rejected. You can’t win if you don’t play. Repeat this about 300 times and then start looking for someone willing to live in a treehouse and eat tofu, in the mean time just get out there and meet people. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/200 "2012-10-29T00:52:16Z")
> [@Reply](#): > > Poverty: Yeah. That’s mostly deliberate. Not a fan of unfettered capitalism and wealth inequity. If celibacy is the price of idealism, well, shucks. Them’s the breaks. Well, there you go then, broseph. Glad we could solve this little problem for you. Now you can forget about women and get on with saving the world (or whatever the hell). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807.md?page=11)