# Almost 30, never had a relationship. Any advice? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 25, 2012, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807 "2012-10-25T11:10:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/101 "2012-10-25T22:40:08Z")
**Cat Whisperer** , the previous note said to end the hijack…that means end the hijack. I’ll give the benefit of the doubt you didn’t see it before you replied. Drop it now. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/102 "2012-10-25T22:44:15Z")
> [@Blue\_Mood](#): > > One thing I noticed is that under personality it says that you are “worse-mannered”. Perhaps people are picking up on that, and not giving you a proper chance. Yeah, OKCupid’s personality analysis is somewhat questionable, but not many people realize that. It’s unfortunate, but for now we’re stuck with it. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/103 "2012-10-25T23:01:49Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Does that only work for women? Because I know plenty of well-off guys who don’t encounter major lifestyle problems dating cocktail waitresses and undergrads. Realistically some women are dead set on a man who can provide a “lifestyle”, while some women don’t really care if they end up being the breadwinner. And plenty of women are just as broke as the OP. > > That said, I have on occasion filtered out the very low earners because there are just so many guys out there and anything you can use to narrow down the field helps. > > If I get to know you, though, income wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me, but it would depend on the story. Being a broke hot musician is a different story than being a dim fast food lifer. Being a grad student is different than being a landscaper. If you are broke for reasons that aren’t that you are lazy, bad with money, not too smart or otherwise undesirable, it’s probably fine. But you do have to get through that initial screen. In the OP’s case, I’d suggest choosing the “prefer not to mention” option. It won’t look shady- plenty of guys use it when they make absurdly high salaries and don’t want to just meet gold diggers. I’m a guy and it makes a difference to me. Before my current girlfriend I had the chance to be with someone I liked quite a bit. No idea if it would have gone anywhere. We had a little fun but her finances were so awful I couldn’t see a future. At 25 I could see doing that. At 45 not so much. Luckily I found someone who I am very compatible with who happens to have a good career too. Working good so far. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/104 "2012-10-25T23:23:59Z")
> [@sahirrnee](#): > > one date isn’t enough to decide there are ‘no sparks’. Yes it is. > [@DMark](#): > > My critique of your online profile is that you come across as a borderline hermit who would like a girl who wants to be barefoot and pregnant in a eco environment shanty you are going to build out of abandoned cars, 300 miles from the nearest town, and eating nothing but nuts and berries you might find in the woods. This is only barely an exaggeration. So my initial reaction to this thread, having read the title only was (crudely, admittedly) “He’s probably ugly.” So I went to the SDMB Photo Gallery and thought, “Oh, he’s not. He’s probably lame then.” Then I read your OP and you seemed like a normal guy, huh. Then I visited your OK Cupid profile, barely made it through and thought, “I don’t have time for this earthy bullshit.” > [@Mississippienne](#): > > 1. The vegan thing. Sorry, I know you “value life and biodiversity”, but even though you claim you won’t get militant about it, no way in hell would I go for a guy that I’d have to change my whole cooking style to accommodate. A regular run-of-the-mill vegetarian, maybe. But you come across as only being compatible with other vegans. Food is a big deal. It’s a three times a day, every single day for the rest of your life, big deal. Right. I don’t go in for vegans, but would consider making an exception for the right non-preachy guy. Saying things like you’re vegan because you value life in the same breath as saying you’re not preachy makes me skip to the next message in my inbox. I can understand not wanting to be a carbon copy of every other douche on OKC who has a twenty-page list of his favorite obscure-to-non-existent bands in the arts/entertainment section, but you still want to come off as a normal guy. Your profile doesn’t say “Normal guy who’s into the outdoors, staying fit and eating vegan.” It says “Blah blah blah blah, vegan blah blah.” I don’t know if you come off that way in real life, but if you do, it’s not helping. But this is just one gal’s opinion. If I can make my opinion worth more, I’ll add I’m about your age, am active, volunteer often, so we’re on the same page on some things (although I am so very not vegan), and yet I’m put off by your profile. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/105 "2012-10-25T23:44:13Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Yes it is. > > This is only barely an exaggeration. > > So my initial reaction to this thread, having read the title only was (crudely, admittedly) “He’s probably ugly.” So I went to the SDMB Photo Gallery and thought, “Oh, he’s not. He’s probably lame then.” Then I read your OP and you seemed like a normal guy, huh. Then I visited your OK Cupid profile, barely made it through and thought, “I don’t have time for this earthy bullshit.” > > Right. I don’t go in for vegans, but would consider making an exception for the right non-preachy guy. Saying things like you’re vegan because you value life in the same breath as saying you’re not preachy makes me skip to the next message in my inbox. > > I can understand not wanting to be a carbon copy of every other douche on OKC who has a twenty-page list of his favorite obscure-to-non-existent bands in the arts/entertainment section, but you still want to come off as a normal guy. Your profile doesn’t say “Normal guy who’s into the outdoors, staying fit and eating vegan.” It says “Blah blah blah blah, vegan blah blah.” I don’t know if you come off that way in real life, but if you do, it’s not helping. > > But this is just one gal’s opinion. If I can make my opinion worth more, I’ll add I’m about your age, am active, volunteer often, so we’re on the same page on some things (although I am so very not vegan), and yet I’m put off by your profile. I thought you were old. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/106 "2012-10-25T23:47:30Z")
I’m old. I hate teenagers and love gin which, according to my friends, makes me old. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/107 "2012-10-25T23:48:43Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > I thought you were old. :dubious: Uh uh. Check her picture on the gallery. She’s young and hot. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/108 "2012-10-25T23:59:21Z")
**Reply** I am going to give you a spiritual answer as 30 is far too long to go without a relationship. It may not make any sense to you as I’m sure it won’t to many dopers here. But here goes. Take a object you have a fond attachment to, you should get a idea which one, and destroy it, donate it or somehow get rid of it as a offering to experience a relationship, if it has lots of value please PM me as I can accept that on your behalf - JK - Destroy it. I don’t claim it will be a good one but it will happen in 3 days 23 hours 0 minutes and 32 seconds, or some time before or after. But it will happen. Peace ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/109 "2012-10-26T00:10:06Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > I don’t claim it will be a good one but it will happen in 3 days 23 hours 0 minutes and 32 seconds, or some time before or after. > > But it will happen. A good _what_ will happen? 😕 You make no mention of what you are talking about. It could be a spiritual awakening, it could be a bowel movement. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/110 "2012-10-26T00:11:12Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Uh uh. Check her picture on the gallery. She’s young and hot. Where is this damn gallery? ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/111 "2012-10-26T00:12:25Z")
Your profile is just too long and earnest. You don’t come across as someone you could have a laugh with. The other advice you’ve had, like changing some of your pictures, is sound. If you’re vegan but could date someone who wasn’t, make that clear. How many questions have you answered on okc? I don’t mean the ones in your profile - I mean the ones that pop up, like would you have sex on a first date, or do you prefer cats or dogs. If you haven’t answered many, you won’t often come up in people’s feeds. Also, you know how you see people mentioned on the front page? It’s often because they just answered a question. I met my gf through okc, btw, and know several other people who’ve done so. Their dating algorithm is - as long as you’ve answered a lot of questions - surprisingly accurate. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/112 "2012-10-26T00:13:06Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > A good _what_ will happen? 😕 You make no mention of what you are talking about. It could be a spiritual awakening, it could be a bowel movement. Don’t underestimate the value of a good bowel movement. I’d rather have that than a spiritual awakening. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/113 "2012-10-26T00:22:49Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Don’t underestimate the value of a good bowel movement. I’d rather have that than a spiritual awakening. Oh I don’t. In fact that is how I’m leaning towards interpreting **Kanicbird’s** post. Intuitively it just feels right. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/114 "2012-10-26T00:35:46Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > **Cat Whisperer** , the previous note said to end the hijack…that means end the hijack. I’ll give the benefit of the doubt you didn’t see it before you replied. Drop it now. Actually, the previous note said to stop the sniping, and I was not sniping, so I figured it was okay. So, what you actually want is for people to stop commenting on **msmith’s** opinion - I can do that. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/115 "2012-10-26T00:38:16Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > Your profile is just too long and earnest. You don’t come across as someone you could have a laugh with. The other advice you’ve had, like changing some of your pictures, is sound. If you’re vegan but could date someone who wasn’t, make that clear. > > How many questions have you answered on okc? I don’t mean the ones in your profile - I mean the ones that pop up, like would you have sex on a first date, or do you prefer cats or dogs. If you haven’t answered many, you won’t often come up in people’s feeds. Also, you know how you see people mentioned on the front page? It’s often because they just answered a question. > > I met my gf through okc, btw, and know several other people who’ve done so. Their dating algorithm is - as long as you’ve answered a lot of questions - surprisingly accurate. Seriously - do a LOT of those questions, answer them honestly. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/116 "2012-10-26T00:43:20Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Don’t underestimate the value of a good bowel movement. I’d rather have that than a spiritual awakening. If I give up a good bowel movement, will I get a relationship? ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/117 "2012-10-26T00:45:26Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > If I give up a good bowel movement, will I get a relationship? Heck, for some people a good bowel movement IS a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/118 "2012-10-26T01:04:57Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Uh uh. Check her picture on the gallery. She’s young and hot. My what big eyes you have. ---
**Author:** ![tesseract](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bb73d2/32.png) [@tesseract](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tesseract)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/119 "2012-10-26T03:59:18Z")
I agree with the comments about the too touchy-feeliness, intensity, seriousness, and self-deprecation in your profile. You need to slash and burn. I have a feeling, though, that the profile echoes the vibe you are putting off. You need to be/act/fake WAY more self-confidence. I know it’s hard when your confidence has gotten hit a lot, but if ever a guy needed a sprinkling of cocky and funny, you do. (Google it.) Although it will be hard at first, it will get easier to act confident - and when you do so, you will get good results, which will make you more confident. If necessary, pretend you are playing the role of a very confident guy in a movie, and do and say the things that the confident guy would say. Yes, I said pretend. But eventually it won’t be as pretend. I’m pretty sure it’s your unconfident vibe. As for all the vegan stuff and whatever, someone is going to be into that or will put up with it – if you are confident. Confident equals sexy, attractive, etc. As \*\*Anaamika \*\*said, in your profile, what people notice about you first should be definitely a positive attribute, preferably physical. I also agree that you need to ask a woman who knows you and will be brutally honest – to tell you what you are doing wrong. You seem like a really good guy, and I think your issues are definitely solveable. Maybe think of it like a science or academic project. This is what I need to do to get his result. Good luck. Let us know how it goes. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807/120 "2012-10-26T04:09:13Z")
Do what kanicbird said, but make sure that object is a printed out version of his post. > [@kanicbird](#): > > I don’t claim it will be a good one but it will happen in 3 days 23 hours 0 minutes and 32 seconds,\*\* or some time before or after\*\*. A very bold prediction. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/almost-30-never-had-a-relationship-any-advice/638807.md?page=7)