# Alpaca Sex **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 3, 2024, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112 "2024-05-03T18:25:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2024, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/1 "2024-05-03T18:25:02Z")
I learned on Late Night with Stephen Colbert last night that the male alpaca has a very long thin penis with a cartiligenous tip, almost like a spear. I’m sure there are plenty of human guys who could fantasize about having a spear-like dong, but my immediate thought was “How do the Lady Alpacas feel about this?” Although it might be neat to be able to scratch those hard-to-reach places, I can’t help but feel that this might make them – well – uncomfortable. It turns out, to be true, but, of course, it’s even more complicated: > [@](#): > > Observations of [alpaca](https://phys.org/tags/alpaca/) mating by breeders have led to suggestions that the male pushes his [penis](https://phys.org/tags/penis/) farther into the female than other mammals. It has also been noted that the male has an unusual penis—it is very long and thin, and has been described as a fibro-elastic phallus. It is capped with a hard cartilage tip and appears almost spear-like, suggesting the male uses it to deposit sperm directly into the [uterus](https://phys.org/tags/uterus/), rather than in the vagina, like all other known mammals. To find out if this might be the case, the researchers ventured to a farm where alpacas are raised for meat. > > The team dissected several of the females that had been killed shortly after they had been mounted by a male, focusing specifically on the reproductive organs. They found that the females were bleeding heavily along several parts of the tract from the hymen to the cervix, the tip of the uterine horn and on into the uterus. They found the same evidence in all the females that had recently mated. In sharp contrast, there was no bleeding in females who had not been recently mounted. (I can hear the collective female response “Glad I’m not an alpaca”) > [@](#): > > The researchers say this evidence suggests that the males thrust their penis all the way into the uterus during mating. The researchers also found that the strong thrusting with the sharp-tipped penis also led to inflammation throughout the reproductive tract. > > The researchers conclude that the mating style of the alpaca very likely improves the odds of a successful fertilization and pregnancy, noting that the inflammation may actually help by assisting the fertilized egg to implant on the uterine wall. > > … > > the male alpaca thrusts his penis all the way into the uterus of the female during mating, making the camelid the only mammal known to do so. [Alpacas found to be the only mammal to directly inseminate the uterus](https://phys.org/news/2024-04-alpacas-mammal-inseminate-uterus.html#:~:text=Observations%20of%20alpaca%20mating%20by,as%20a%20fibro%2Delastic%20phallus). ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2024, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/2 "2024-05-03T18:32:08Z")
There are plenty of examples throughout the animal kingdom of sex being painful, injurious or even fatal. Add this one to the list. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2024, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/3 "2024-05-03T18:44:50Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > There are plenty of examples throughout the animal kingdom of sex being painful, injurious or even fatal. And that’s when it’s done _right_! ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2024, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/4 "2024-05-03T18:49:58Z")
Carchy title. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2024, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/5 "2024-05-03T18:54:19Z")
No, THIS is a Carchy title: > **[Postcard Carchy Nièvre the Church France | eBay](https://www.ebay.com/itm/353321219044)** > > Find many great new & used options and get the best deals for Postcard Carchy Nièvre the Church France at the best online prices at eBay! Free shipping for many products! ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2024, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/6 "2024-05-03T18:57:55Z")
One of the most grotesque forms of sex is in bed bugs. The male pierces the females abdomen and injects his sperm into her body cavity through the wound. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2024, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/7 "2024-05-03T18:58:36Z")
> [@markn\_1](#): > > The male pierces the females abdomen and injects his sperm into her body cavity through the wound. don’t knock it until you try it. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2024, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/8 "2024-05-03T18:59:10Z")
Man, penises are weird ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2024, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/9 "2024-05-03T19:03:11Z")
Female alpaca, legs crossed, “You ain’t packing _nothing_ in here, dude!” ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2024, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/10 "2024-05-03T19:10:00Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > > They found that the females were bleeding heavily along several parts of the tract from the hymen to the cervix, the tip of the uterine horn and on into the uterus. That sounds unpleasant. > [@CalMeacham](#): > > > The team dissected several of the females that had been killed shortly after they had been mounted by a male, focusing specifically on the reproductive organs. Not a great day to be a female alpaca. ---
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2024, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/11 "2024-05-03T19:46:49Z")
This information might breathe new life into the bestiality websites. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2024, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/12 "2024-05-03T19:50:50Z")
I did not need to know this. Fight all you want, I was happy to be ignorant about _Alpaca sex_. 😳 ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2024, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/13 "2024-05-03T19:54:18Z")
My girly bits are wincing now. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2024, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/14 "2024-05-03T20:06:01Z")
I think it’s important to know. Otherwise, in a moment of passion, you might cry out, “Take me like an alpaca, you magnificent camelid of a man!” Now that you know, you can instead say, “Take me like a llama or guanaco, but specifically not an alpaca and probably, out of an abundance of caution, not a vicuña, either, you magnificent camelid of a man!” ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2024, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/15 "2024-05-04T00:50:04Z")
I expected to read next that each female alpaca only experienced one pregnancy per lifetime. ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2024, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/16 "2024-05-04T00:51:59Z")
All I can say is that my brother is in town this weekend. He has alpacas. I’m truly at a loss for a reasonable way to bring this up in the weekend’s casual conversation. I guess … bluntness is the coin of the realm. No pun intended. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2024, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/17 "2024-05-04T00:55:36Z")
Don’t be sharp tongued. At least. 😯 ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2024, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/18 "2024-05-04T07:26:00Z")
> [@DavidNRockies](#): > > I’m truly at a loss for a reasonable way to bring this up in the weekend’s casual conversation. Oh, please, let us know how this went. ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2024, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/19 "2024-05-04T08:07:07Z")
> [@markn\_1](#): > > One of the most grotesque forms of sex is in bed bugs. I’m not dismissing your example, which is a bit more horrific that the well known “praying mantis eat your lover” technique. I think the most grotesque format is deep ocean Angler Fish, which brings female domination to a level beyond certain German adult movies. The male fish is assimilated into the body of the female, and lives there as a parasitic sperm donor. > **[An immune system quirk may help anglerfish fuse with mates during sex](https://www.sciencenews.org/article/anglerfish-fuse-mates-sex-immune-system-genes)** > > Deep-sea anglerfish that fuse to mate lack genes involved in the body’s response against pathogens or foreign tissue. (Worse, it could be a threesome, with 2 male parasitic sperm donors. Awkward monent when you sacrifice everything to pass on your genes, and there is another fish already there, doing the same thing) ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2024, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112/20 "2024-05-04T13:25:29Z")
This thread reminds me of the old Straight Dope column about pigs having corkscrew shaped penises. (And of course Slug Signorino’s illustration.) > **[Does a pig have a corkscrew-shaped penis?](https://www.straightdope.com/21341237/does-a-pig-have-a-corkscrew-shaped-penis)** [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alpaca-sex/1001112.md?page=2)