# Alphabetical how long to close the trail because of bears **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [June 27, 2023, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176 "2023-06-27T14:05:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2023, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/21 "2023-06-27T20:40:05Z")
Unruly bears - the trail is not closed. If they bother you, offer to guess their weight. That baffles them. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2023, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/22 "2023-06-27T23:52:51Z")
Virtuous bears: Do not close the trail. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2023, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/23 "2023-06-27T23:54:36Z")
Water bears: Trail will be open forever. ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/24 "2023-06-28T00:09:00Z")
X-rayed bears: trail is closed until the results come back from the lab. ---
**Author:** ![Ferris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ferris/32/11573_2.png) [@Ferris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferris)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/25 "2023-06-28T00:12:06Z")
**Yodeling** bears: two-mile radius closed for one hour. ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/26 "2023-06-28T00:19:35Z")
**Z** igzagging bears - Due to the high probability of a person getting blindsided by a large bear running seemingly erratically at top speed, trails have to be closed for the duration. Since the bears tire themselves out quickly, two days will usually be sufficient. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/27 "2023-06-28T00:33:17Z")
Ambivalent bears: Maybe close the trail for a day, or maybe not. ---
**Author:** ![Oly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oly/32/8255_2.png) [@Oly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oly)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/28 "2023-06-28T01:34:15Z")
**B** erlin bears: Bis alle, die durchkommen wollen, deutsch sprechen können. ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/29 "2023-06-28T02:14:02Z")
Care Bears: Closed until they get tired of using the “Care Bear Stare”. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/30 "2023-06-28T02:21:17Z")
**D** a Bears: Open Open only when paired with **D** a Bulls. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/31 "2023-06-28T02:54:57Z")
Elitist bears: Closed until the common bears all get the hell out of the way and out of sight. :: Sniff :: ---
**Author:** ![Ferris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ferris/32/11573_2.png) [@Ferris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferris)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/32 "2023-06-28T03:02:29Z")
**Flying** bears: closed until Bear Traffic Control provides clearance for through-traffic. ---
**Author:** ![Bicycle\_Bill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bicycle_bill/32/6208_2.png) [@Bicycle\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bicycle_Bill)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/33 "2023-06-28T03:10:25Z")
**G** ummi bears: Trail will remain closed, except to gummi trolls with proper licenses, during hunting season. _ **-“BB”-** _ ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/34 "2023-06-28T03:15:32Z")
**H** ouston Astro bears - closed until they stop raising that unholy din banging on trash cans. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/35 "2023-06-28T03:31:53Z")
Intolerant bears: Close trail until bears become more open-minded. ---
**Author:** ![Ferris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ferris/32/11573_2.png) [@Ferris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferris)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/36 "2023-06-28T05:38:17Z")
**J** iving bears: closed until the band finishes its set. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/37 "2023-06-28T11:43:43Z")
Kafkaesque bears: Close trail for an unspecified time as it leads to nowhere and bear encounters could occur for cryptic reasons and rangers cannot be found and side trails will lead back to the bears who make noises that the hiker will not be able to interpret. ---
**Author:** ![Quondam\_Mechanic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quondam_mechanic/32/3404_2.png) [@Quondam\_Mechanic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quondam_Mechanic)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/38 "2023-06-28T12:55:37Z")
**Lolligagging** bears: The trail is open but hikers are warned not to arouse the critters. ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/39 "2023-06-28T13:11:17Z")
**M** ellow bears - No closure; the bears are harmless. They might even offer you a bong hit. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2023, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/40 "2023-06-28T13:48:26Z")
**N** etworking bears: Trail will remain open, just don’t get in their way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176.md?page=3)